I don't know about you, but this is fun for me. It's like answering emails all day, and I don't have to actually THINK of anything, which is nice for a dull brain like mine. I am going to answer every single question asked of me in the order they are received. Here's some more:

Keith asks: "Dear Rachel, What brought you back to writing?"

Dear Keith,
Booze, blogads, a breakup, and Bill Whittle. You see, I discovered alcohol about a year and a half ago, and noticed that when I had a buzz, I wrote crazy emails to all my friends that were actually amusing to me, and I started thinking, damn. I should start my blog back up. A few months after that, I split up with my ex, who hadn't been a huge fan of the blogging, so that obstacle was gone. Then I realized that all my old blog friends like FrankJ and Misha were probably making tons of sweet, sweet cash with the ads on their sites with about the same amount of traffic I used to get. And then, Bill Whittle and I talked on the phone a few times and he said, Rachel don't be a retard - get your ass back to blogging. That is a paraphrase, of course, he's much more intelligent than I am and would never say such things.

Plus, I just like it. I remembered how the comments sections were like having a huge circle of really smart and funny friends. (Honestly people, I can't tell you how much I enjoy reading the comments, I probably learn more from them in a week than I did in any given year of college.) Anyway, I haven't put any ads up yet even though I've gotten a few soliticitations for them and a couple of offers to sponsor me for admittance, such as from John Hawkins, who, by the way, was the very first blogger to ever link to me, about six years ago. But I am going to and none of you are allowed to accuse me of selling out. Come on now. Wouldn't you want me to make money doing this? You know you do. You love me. And this kind of typing is SO MUCH easier and more fulfilling than the medical transcription. But I'll wait a few more weeks before I inflict ads on my sidebars; it would be unseemly this soon. And we all know how much I hate to seem unseemly.

Scott Ott says: "Dear Rachel, I dare not ask a question."

Dear Scott,
Oh how you break my heart. I have a question for you: Do you still have the guitar you bought from me and do you rock out on it proper? I'll kick your ass if the answer is no. I hope you're doing well. Write me sometime.

Clutterbells asks: "Dear Rachel, Why do you use Typepad, the most annoying blogging platform out there."

Dear Clutterbells,
Because I have a dark, evil soul. Actually, MovableType is the blogging platform I use, and Typekey is the comment software. Which I would loathe as much as you except it has done a damn fine job of eliminating all spam, which was one of the reasons I quit blogging years ago. But I know it can be a pain in the ass so if anyone ever has any trouble commenting, just email me and I'll post it for you.

Sparrow asks: "Dear Rachel, Do you still believe that Karl Urban (Eomer in LOTR) is the man of your dreams? Or has he been replaced?"

Dear Sparrow,
I will love Karl Urban until the day I die. Until the day I DIE! But if you want the real true honest answer, he has been replaced by a real-live man who actually exists in my world and who I am completely nuts about but for whom I haven't yet come up with a decent codename and so haven't blogged about yet. He's my boyfriend and must be protected. All I can say is that he is Totally. Freaking. Awesome. And way better than Karl Urban.

CatScapeBarb asks: "Dear Rachel, So why don't you tell us how you REALLY feel about Rosie O'Donnell? (sorry, almost couldn't finish the question as I was concentrating on not throwing up at the sight of her name.)"

Dear CatScapeBarb,
Well if you must know, I hate that crazy bitch. When I see her face, I want to shoot my guns at watermelons. When I hear her voice, which is scientifically proven to be The Most Hideous Voice Ever, I wish I did not have functioning ears. She is the exemplar of all that is wrong in the world and is living proof that God, if He exists, has abandoned humanity. I think she is insane, stupid, and evil, and if I could train my dog Sunny to do ONE THING, it would be to spontaneously take a dump upon hearing the command "Rosie O'Donnell".

MartyK asks: "Dear Rachel, Will you accept Carbon Neutral as your personal Lord and Savior?"

Dear Marty,
No, no I will not. Unless you tell me what the heck that is. And then probably still no.

Wendy asks: "Dear Rachel, Name one person that is better to be around than a dog."

Dear Wendy,
My boyfriend. That's about it. Dogs are the shizzle! No bullshit, no meaningless discussion, no disapproval (unless you hold out on the treats). I can tell them exactly what I think of them, which at times is not complimentary, and they still love me. Thank you Sunny and Digger.

That's enough for now. It's dinnertime and I have a hankering for a big juicy ham sandwich with tons of mayo, and cheese-flavored Pringles. Have I mentioned what a health nut I am?