This blog is for entertainment purposes only. And I will cuss. (Rachel Lucas)

This blog is for entertainment purposes only. And I will cuss.

A few commenters posted links to the web archives of my old blog, and being the self-torturer that I am, I read through some of the posts I made back in the day. Jesus, it's like reading a diary you wrote five years earlier that someone has posted on the web - pretty mortifying. I really needed to lighten up, and that is just what I've done since I quit blogging. I was 30 then, I'm 35 now, and if you're older than that, you know what I'm talking about: your head is still a little wedged in your own butt at 30, not as much at 35.

So I should warn you, before you get too excited about what I might rant about these days: I'll talk about politics maybe 5% as much as I used to, tops. The election will be fun to bitch about, but frankly, I can no longer bring myself to take much of a "side". They. Are. All. The. Same. I've become a much more equal-opportunity loather. For example, I once claimed: "George Bush is a good president." Yeah, not so much. I haven't been so disappointed since the summer I tried to teach Sunny to catch a ball and she learned nothing except how best to tilt her head OUT OF THE PATH of the incoming ball while exerting the least energy necessary. I've lived in Texas long enough to know that Bush's persona is not a Texas thing; it's a dummy thing.

Most of all, I'm not at all interested in debates or comment wars about politics now. I realized that there truly is no joy in that for me, and I'm going to leave it to the bloggers who know what they're talking about to try and change people's minds.

I'm also going to spend a lot less time bitching about celebrity activists. Meh. What's so wrong with them talking publicly about what they think, on their own time? I'm doing it right now. The only thing that really pisses me off these days is when insane, deluded people like Rosie O'Donnell use their job on an entertainment show as a political platform. But hey, she got shamed and canned, so the system is working, I say.

So...what WILL I write about? Nothing nearly so serious, I can tell you that much. I've decided in my elderly condition that I should be enjoying my life more, spending my free time learning about things that please me and throwing out onto the web only things that will make people's days more pleasant and amusing. When I tried to take it upon myself to change people's minds about Big Issues or spent all my time repeatedly asserting a certain position about a serious subject, I burned out in a burning flame of burn. Even when I succeeded, I got very little satisfaction out of it, because that is just how I am. I quit trying to figure it out a long time ago and have capitulated to my real personality, which is a LOT lighter than you'd ever know by reading my old blog. I went through a serious phase there for a while, but folks, I am over it. I feel like I should apologize for that, but I'm not gonna. I think there are roughly 17 gazillion (to the buttillionth power) blogs now, so if you want serious political discussion, I'm pretty sure there's something for you out there.

One thing that won't change is that I will use terrible bad curse words. I can't help it. So don't be shocked when I start dropping F-bombs. It's so unladylike, but that's just how I roll.

Aaaanyway. Things I WILL be writing about up in this blogizzle:

How reading books about quantum physics can make you go batshit insane, make you feel like you're smoking dope even when you're not, and make you feel real dumb.

How very, very poorly the majority of people on online dating services are mentally equipped to present themselves as a good catch, and how funny they are when not even trying.

How absolutely delighted I am that I don't have children, and why.

How apocalyptically fat a dog can become in my household.

How badly I want to choke Paris Hilton and/or Britney Spears but especially Lindsay Lohan.

How fascinating it is to discover the joys of the judicious use of alcohol in your mid-30s if you never drank in your 20s. Particularly El Jimador tequila.

Why you should never EVER attempt to chop cabbage while watching The O'Reilly Factor after two shots of El Jimador tequila.

How offensively inept the people who installed the gutter system on my house were.

How much I love smoked chicken, grilled chicken, baked chicken, chicken pot pies, fried chicken, not to mention chicken quesadillas.

How I came to have to kill my first and only mammal (it was Sunny's fault).

How much I dig the guy I recently started dating.

How much better the world would be if all divorcing couples were as reasonable as John and I were.

The love/hate relationship I have with the show Lost.

How totally awesome Blake Lewis on American Idol is with his freaky little beat-boxing.

How Michael Moore would be a genius if he weren't such a dickhead.

Whether it's better, in a self-defense situation, to go for the nuts or the face, depending on physical and mental variables.

How I gave myself heatstroke last summer. You can learn a lot from a dummy.

And so on. I will sleep now. That is, if I can get Sunny to stop snoring and grunting like a grizzled old man. I don't have the heart to wake her up, but damn, she sounds like a feral pig digging for roots. It's really kind of grossing me out.

Posted on May 20, 2007 10:49 PM | Permalink

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Comments (27)

George Turner

Just El Jimador? Blanco, reposado, or anejo? How about other Herradura tequilas, or perhaps Patron or Sauza's Tres Generaciones?

Posted by George Turner | May 21, 2007 1:32 AM

Posted on May 21, 2007 01:32

Nothing like waking up with your face four inches away from a snoring, drooling, farting dog.

Of course, my wife probably feels the same way about me. For the same reasons.

Posted by og | May 21, 2007 5:52 AM

Posted on May 21, 2007 05:52

Lady Heather of Suburbia

I've begun to hate talking about politics too, except illegal immigration. Now that chaps my hide.

And I have to disagree with you about Blake Lewis. Melinda Doolittle was robbed last week.

If you watch "The Bachelor", who will it be tonight? Bevin or Tessa. I'm going for Tessa. Bevin has waaay too many tatoos.

Posted by Lady Heather of Suburbia | May 21, 2007 6:22 AM

Posted on May 21, 2007 06:22

WayneB

So, does this mean I'm batshit insane?
I like reading books about quantum physics. :-P

As for the snorting, drooling dog thing, I've never woken up to that, but I have been woken up by a dog about Sunny's size barking next to my ear just as I was drifting off to sleep. Nearly hit my head on the ceiling...

Posted by WayneB | May 21, 2007 7:23 AM

Posted on May 21, 2007 07:23

eforhan

They. Are. All. The. Same.

Yeah, weren't the last few years a disappointment? I expected Really Good Things (TM) from a GOP Congress and President and instead got really cruddy ones that acted like the political minority.

Reading your post reminds me of the Dead song which goes, "I may be going to hell in a bucket, but at least I'm enjoying the ride ..." ;)

-Eric

Posted by eforhan | May 21, 2007 7:25 AM

Posted on May 21, 2007 07:25

mtncb

Hi there! Glad you're back and that all is well. I was just wondering about you the other day.

I just quit, myself.

Have fun :)

-- Nathan

Posted by mtncb | May 21, 2007 7:40 AM

Posted on May 21, 2007 07:40

Dick

The furry thing murdering spree should provide for quality entertainment. You know, for the days my bugzapper goes south on me.

Posted by Dick | May 21, 2007 10:19 AM

Posted on May 21, 2007 10:19

mesablue

This past weeks Lost cranked up the action to almost first season form.

Posted by mesablue | May 21, 2007 11:35 AM

Posted on May 21, 2007 11:35

bascule

You blog about anything you want, I'm just chuffed you're back.

Posted by bascule | May 21, 2007 12:47 PM

Posted on May 21, 2007 12:47

Pat Berry

Rachel, please blog about whatever you want to, using any words you choose. And skip the stuff you don't care about. Don't ever feel like you have to write about anything if you don't feel like it. Blogging should be fun; if it's not, your motivation will flag and you'll run out of steam.

And please don't apologize for your choices. You don't owe us a damned thing. If a bunch of us like what you write, that's great. But don't let anybody give you grief because they want something you're not giving them.

I was a devoted reader of your previous blogs, and what made me eagerly check them each day was not your choice of topics, but the style and quality of your writing. You're a witty and entertaining writer with a gift for making any subject interesting. So I really don't care what you write about, as long as it's you doing the writing.

Posted by Pat Berry | May 21, 2007 1:12 PM

Posted on May 21, 2007 13:12

mitchberg

Welcome back, Rachel.

As to online dating services - women are worse!

I can prove it!

MBerg

Posted by mitchberg | May 21, 2007 1:17 PM

Posted on May 21, 2007 13:17

Mr Spiffy

welcome back

Posted by Mr Spiffy | May 21, 2007 2:04 PM

Posted on May 21, 2007 14:04

John F. Opie

Hi -

Welcome back. :-)

You know, it almost sounds like you want to channel Lileks. More power to ya. :-)

John

Posted by John F. Opie | May 21, 2007 2:19 PM

Posted on May 21, 2007 14:19

Sissy Willis

Thirty-five, huh? You're still young enough to be my daughter. Welcome back! :-)

Posted by Sissy Willis | May 21, 2007 2:31 PM

Posted on May 21, 2007 14:31

Sigivald

Welcome back!

Also, Don Julio Anejo.

I found El Jimador reposado too harsh for my liking.

Posted by Sigivald | May 21, 2007 2:51 PM

Posted on May 21, 2007 14:51

Daddyquatro

...fried chicken, baked chicken, broiled chicken, grilled chicken, chicken salad, chicken and rice, chicken and potatoes, chicken kabobs, chicken balls...

...and that's about it.

That's what I need to do with my life.

I need a chickenboat!

Posted by Daddyquatro | May 21, 2007 3:52 PM

Posted on May 21, 2007 15:52

PaulT

Rachel, I completely know where you're coming from. Having reached the ripe old age of 34 myself I don't get as riled up by mass stupidity as I used to. Looking back at a lot of the things I wrote on my blog I was sounding like a bitter angry old crank everytime I commented on something I read in the paper or saw on the news. And that's not really how I am or how I want to be. So I stopped reading the paper and watching the news and my life is much better for it. Either way, it's good to have you back.

Posted by PaulT | May 21, 2007 4:17 PM

Posted on May 21, 2007 16:17

Lincoln

It's funny, I've been feeling the same way about blogging. Politics and news has already been covered ten times over by the blogosphere, and I'd much prefer to blog content that is more timeless and personal in nature.

I always see myself as a raging bull in the china shop of life, so it's encouraging to see other raging animals are able to mellow out a bit as they get older. :-D Maybe during my mid thirties I'll finally be able to stop scaring off old ladies and little children.

Posted by Lincoln | May 21, 2007 5:04 PM

Posted on May 21, 2007 17:04

Rachel Lucas

Well all right then! I'm feeling pretty good about all of this. My worst fear was that everyone would want me to be all pissed off, all the time. Whew! First real post is almost ready.

Posted by Rachel Lucas | May 21, 2007 5:37 PM

Posted on May 21, 2007 17:37

Rachel Lucas

By the way: reposado, baby! Reposado.

And Tres Generaciones is, in fact, by far my favorite, but at $60 a bottle, YIKES. Only for special occasions. I even get better limes for that one.

Posted by Rachel Lucas | May 21, 2007 5:41 PM

Posted on May 21, 2007 17:41

silvermine

Oh my god I want a margarita.

Anyway, welcome back! I think the sane part of the blogosphere has gotten seriously tired of political ranting, because we've just seen no matter what they're all a bunch of idiot jerks who think they're some sort of elite class.

Please, feel free to ignore them. :)

Posted by silvermine | May 21, 2007 5:55 PM

Posted on May 21, 2007 17:55

LabRat

Give me about a day and I can cough up at least one or two killer margarita recipes... there's a place down in Santa Fe that does the sort of margarita that should qualify as a tequila-related religious experience.

By coincidence, I also know a thing or two to do to chicken.

WELCOME BACK. And write about whatever the hell you want to. I have enough cranky politickers on my reading list. More dogs and food and booze would be most welcome.

Posted by LabRat | May 21, 2007 6:22 PM

Posted on May 21, 2007 18:22

michele

Welcome back, Rachel. Hope you have a lot of fun with it this time around.

Posted by michele | May 21, 2007 6:44 PM

Posted on May 21, 2007 18:44

J. Seattle

I am in delight. Rachel has returned. Potty mouth and all.
Wow!

Posted by J. Seattle | May 21, 2007 6:45 PM

Posted on May 21, 2007 18:45

Patrick

Cheers Rachel! Good to see you back and good to see you are an El Jimador afficionado, too. I have a great Mexican Martini recipe I can share with you.

Posted by Patrick | May 21, 2007 7:22 PM

Posted on May 21, 2007 19:22

Mr. Bingley

Welcome back, Rachel. I'm glad to hear, er, read you again.

Posted by Mr. Bingley | May 22, 2007 6:04 AM

Posted on May 22, 2007 06:04

M. Simon

I like to blog.

I think of it as mosly entertainment with a small chance to change one or two minds. Heck, I'm entertained by my own writing. (Some of us are easily amused).

Well, anyway. WELCOME BACK

Posted by M. Simon | May 22, 2007 3:34 PM

Posted on May 22, 2007 15:34