Since most of you are cleverer than me. (Rachel Lucas)

Since most of you are cleverer than me.

John Hawkins of RightWingNews was the first blogger to ever link me, about six years ago, and now he's the one to get me going with BlogAds (it's invitation only). Thanks John! You're the awesomest.

So here is my problem: I'm not creative enough to think of something piquant (and brief) enough to write for my "blog summary" that's used to get advertisers interested in my site. So you will help me! You help me now!

This page lists tons of blogs that are on the system and there you can see what other summaries say. Mine needs to be something like that. I know what I write about, duh, but I don't know how to succinctly and cutely describe it. Ya know? Uhhh..."I write about my dogs, pickles, and half-dead possums." Doesn't really grab you by the nuts does it?

I've noticed in the comments that many of you are seriously funny and have a great way with one-liners. So work your magic if you please. Whichever one I use, I'll send you a free T-shirt in a few weeks (I'm working with ThoseShirts again to come up with something bitchin'). Plus I will love you, and who doesn't want THAT?

Also - I can put testimonials on my ad profile page, so if you're feeling especially enthralled with my blog in this incarnation, feel free to testimonialize. Is that a word?

Posted on June 6, 2007 10:49 AM | Permalink

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Comments (34)

anotheKevin

How about:

"I was gone, for a long time, and now I'm, you know, back"

Posted by anotheKevin | June 6, 2007 11:37 AM

Posted on June 6, 2007 11:37

PaulT

"Rachel Lucas- the uncensored observations/rantings and unsolicited opinions of a gun-totin' Texas firecracker"

I'm not sure how accurate you need to be with those descriptions; The Democratic Underground's says "hundreds of thousands of unique visitors per week". Sorry, there ain't anything "unique" about 'em.

Posted by PaulT | June 6, 2007 11:50 AM

Posted on June 6, 2007 11:50

Chief Chicken #67

Headline should be...."since most of you are more cleverer than me"

Glad you're back!

Posted by Chief Chicken #67 | June 6, 2007 11:58 AM

Posted on June 6, 2007 11:58

Stan Zara

"Piquance. Impudence. Ordnance."

Posted by Stan Zara | June 6, 2007 12:18 PM

Posted on June 6, 2007 12:18

J.C._Corbett

"Rachel Lucas...you know, the one you read about on the cat blog."
maybe not

"Rachel Lucas. She knows an asshat when she sees one."
hmmmm.....still not grabbing me

I'm not too funny, so this'll burn some brain cells.

Posted by J.C._Corbett | June 6, 2007 12:32 PM

Posted on June 6, 2007 12:32

Haverwilde

A Texas gal whose writing will grab you by the nuts, in nice sort of way!

Posted by Haverwilde | June 6, 2007 12:55 PM

Posted on June 6, 2007 12:55

Alexander

"A compilation of minor flesh wounds, dating advice, dogs humping, and step by step instructions on how to channel rain water."

hm, I wouldn't visit that site. How about:

"A masterful amalgamation of canine induced misnomers, interspersed with jocular anecdotes on a variety of subjects...and a recipe for cole slaw."

Posted by Alexander | June 6, 2007 1:04 PM

Posted on June 6, 2007 13:04

Alexander

I included the word 'amalgamation' because although I believe it may well be my favorite word in the english language (even more fun to say: amallllgamated) I've never had the chance until now to use it in a sentence.

Thanks Rachel!

oh, hey, that was a testimonial too. Bonus.

Posted by Alexander | June 6, 2007 1:09 PM

Posted on June 6, 2007 13:09

JohnS

"Rachel Lucas - edgier than George, and her sequels don't suck."

Posted by JohnS | June 6, 2007 2:14 PM

Posted on June 6, 2007 14:14

tedders

I think your'e much more cleverer than you think. I believe that you, my dear Rachel have already penned the terms needed for funneling attention to you're site. Those terms are, "It's not like I'm doing porn, fer crissakes." As long as you have these words in this order, "I'm doing porn", that's all you'l need, it doesn't matter what you put before or after, that's all 50% of society will see, those three words and then just count the hits coming in!! Pure genius I tell ya!

Posted by tedders | June 6, 2007 2:27 PM

Posted on June 6, 2007 14:27

este

rachellucas.com
Like being in a relationship where you totally dig the other person and assume the feeling is mutual but then pretty soon she starts whining about not being fulfilled or understood or some other crap and next thing you know she ditches for whereabouts unknown and then after you have finally started to forget how good it was and have moved on and "settled" for Michelle Malkin or maybe even fantasized how Iowahawk might look in a pair of tight Levis she comes back begging for forgiveness after having humped every cabana boy in the Caribbean and saying this time it will be different blah, blah, blah.........
Oh,.... sorry. I guess a Texas gal who will grab you by the nuts is good.

Posted by este | June 6, 2007 3:11 PM

Posted on June 6, 2007 15:11

Fuzz Martin

Rachel Lucas. Serious opinion. No bullshit.

(use it, and I'll send YOU an authentic FuzzMartin.com t-shirt - http://fuzzmartin.com/2007/03/31/you-look-hot/ ;) )

Posted by Fuzz Martin | June 6, 2007 3:45 PM

Posted on June 6, 2007 15:45

bascule

I'm with Tedders,
"It's not like I'm doing porn, fer crissakes."

maybe you could follow it with
"Simmah Down now".

Posted by bascule | June 6, 2007 3:51 PM

Posted on June 6, 2007 15:51

Lissa

"The interesting version of an everyday life -- rants, ravings and make-you-pee-yourself anecdotes. Warning: Do NOT handle sharp objects while reading!"

Posted by Lissa | June 6, 2007 3:57 PM

Posted on June 6, 2007 15:57

Lincoln

Since we're dealing with ads here, to might be helpful to think about the kind of audience you attract, so advertisers have a better understanding of your demographics. Something like saying, "I'm Rachel, I like dogs and hate pigs!" would signal to your prospective advertiser that your site probably attracts dog lovers, and so on. Think about what you like blogging about, but also what kind of audience you draw as well. Even if you don't blog politics as much anymore, if your readers are still very politically minded, that's something you might want to add. Remember, you're not only describing yourself, you're describing your audience too. I think this approach will be the most helpful in helping relevant advertisers locate your blog.

Posted by Lincoln | June 6, 2007 5:12 PM

Posted on June 6, 2007 17:12

Joe at Cold Fury

I always liked "Piquance. Impudence. Ordnance." Been reading you since 2002 - when you're here.

Glad you're back!

Posted by Joe at Cold Fury | June 6, 2007 5:23 PM

Posted on June 6, 2007 17:23

Instinct

OK, I had thought of one, all of these are so much better that I threw it into the delete pile and instead will say that I like these ones (yea, like my opinion means anything)

"Piquance. Impudence. Ordnance." Stan Zara

"Rachel Lucas - edgier than George, and her sequels don't suck." John S

"It's not like I'm doing porn, fer crissakes." Tedders

Posted by Instinct | June 6, 2007 5:29 PM

Posted on June 6, 2007 17:29

Hardliner

Rachel Lucas: Straight Talk, No Bullshit

Posted by Hardliner | June 6, 2007 6:22 PM

Posted on June 6, 2007 18:22

Rachel Lucas

Ha! These are great. Thank you!!! I'm gonna wait another day and then pick one.

Posted by Rachel Lucas | June 6, 2007 6:55 PM

Posted on June 6, 2007 18:55

Tuning Spork

"Rachel Lucas: Chock full o' ranty goodness."

"One hand on the keyboard, one hand in the pickle jar."

I got nothin'.

Posted by Tuning Spork | June 6, 2007 7:58 PM

Posted on June 6, 2007 19:58

Lance de Boyle

1. Rachel Lucas. Not your ordinary spawn of Satan.

2. Cheaky commentary served up with humor, a pickle, and a sharp kick to the nuts.

3. Rachel's blog yanks down the shorts of the pretentious, and reveals how little there is to hold or behold.

4. Saucy and piquant, with a mouth like a manic whoopy cushion.

5. Rachel Lucas grabs your attention faster than a shot of selzter down the pants.

6. She'll make you laugh. She'll make you cry. Especially if you're a manic depressive

Posted by Lance de Boyle | June 6, 2007 10:18 PM

Posted on June 6, 2007 22:18

Lance de Boyle

1. Rachel Lucas. Will not wear cullottes, jumpers, capris pants, or peddle-pushers. Well, maybe for cash.
[What does that even mean!?]

2. Stole an all-day sucker from a toddler in Reno, just to watch him cry. [Vague allusion to Johnny Cash, Folsom Prison Blues. Stupid, but really quite clever.]

3. She speaks poniards, and every word stabs:
if her breath were as terrible as her terminations,
there were no living near her;
she would infect to the north star. ....
for certainly, while she is here,
a man may live as quiet in hell as in a sanctuary;
and people sin upon purpose, because they would go thither;
so indeed, all disquiet, horror and perturbation follows her.
(Benedick, in Much Ado About Nothing, II: I)

4. Why, 'i faith, methinks she's too low for a high praise,
too brown for a fair praise and too little for a great praise:
only this commendation I can afford her,
that were she other than she is, she were unhandsome;...
(Benedick, in Much Ado About Nothing, I: I)

Posted by Lance de Boyle | June 6, 2007 10:43 PM

Posted on June 6, 2007 22:43

Adrian

"She'll make you laugh. She'll make you cry. Especially if you're a manic depressive"
I don't know if that would work for the summary, but that is freaking hilarious.

I also like the George Lucas line (hey, Rachel, you're not Hungarian, too, by any chance, are you?), but someone cleverer can maybe think of a way to add a gun reference to that, using the Han Solo controversy - something like "Rachel Lucas - edgier than George, her sequels don't suck, and she definitely shoots first!"

Or maybe rework one of your dog stories, National Lampoon style: "If you don't buy an ad, I will shoot this possum."

Posted by Adrian | June 6, 2007 11:17 PM

Posted on June 6, 2007 23:17

Tuning Spork

Or, "Visit my sponsors or my dog will shoot me".

Nah.

Lance,
"Poniard". Looked it up. Thank you for introducing me to a word. :D

Posted by Tuning Spork | June 6, 2007 11:56 PM

Posted on June 6, 2007 23:56

Bob Price

The only blog recognized by Instapundit as a fashion expert on May 29, 2007 AND his former running mate for President!

Roughly 95% of readers make over $20 a month, and Rachellucas.com had over 20 pageviews last month.

And she comments, "I'm not doing porn."

What more could you want?

If you thought this was funny, maybe your ad can join the few, the proud, the advertisers at Rachellucas.com.

Posted by Bob Price | June 7, 2007 1:29 AM

Posted on June 7, 2007 01:29

Lance de Boyle

1. Rachel Lucas: the all-day blogster. In the morning, Rachel puts wind in your sails. In the evening, she puts wind in your pants. Good clean (but windy) fun for the entire family.

2. I'm back. I take no flack. I'm [PICK ONE... so so. smokin' hot. inventive AND flexible. willing to negotiate rates. able to control my laughter] in the sack.

Posted by Lance de Boyle | June 7, 2007 2:31 AM

Posted on June 7, 2007 02:31

Tuning Spork

Oh, Lance, now yer just drunk...

Posted by Tuning Spork | June 7, 2007 3:10 AM

Posted on June 7, 2007 03:10

WayneB

"I went away for a while, but everybody bitched and whined, so I came back."

Posted by WayneB | June 7, 2007 11:09 AM

Posted on June 7, 2007 11:09

Lance de Boyle

Rachel Lucas. One part pole cat. Two parts sugar and cinnamon. In sum, a feline sticky bun.

Posted by Lance de Boyle | June 7, 2007 12:36 PM

Posted on June 7, 2007 12:36

A Recovering Liberal

Lance, please keep 'em comin'. I'm almost smitten.

Posted by A Recovering Liberal | June 7, 2007 3:34 PM

Posted on June 7, 2007 15:34

Rachel Lucas

I'm with Recovering Liberal --- Lance I almost think you're a genius. I'm almost positive I'm gonna use one of yours. I love the Johnny Cash/Reno one.

Thanks to EVERYBODY. You guys crack me up.

Posted by Rachel Lucas | June 7, 2007 4:54 PM

Posted on June 7, 2007 16:54

Gullyborg

I still cherish (and use) my "imagine no liberals" coffee mug. You can't beat the classic!

Posted by Gullyborg | June 7, 2007 7:39 PM

Posted on June 7, 2007 19:39

Lance de Boyle

When Rachel Lucas arrived at the Pearly Gates----carrying three oversized suitcases (“Listen, buster boy, you can never have TOO many changes!"), a laptop (“Hey, someone’s gotta transcribe the festivities, ya lummox.”), and two dogs (“Sure they fart continuously, but so does Ted Kennedy. Oh, wait. He’s not here! Ha Ha on him. Fat bastard!”)----St. Peter was heard to say, “Oh, sweet Jesus!....Can I send her back!!” And now.....she's back.

Posted by Lance de Boyle | June 7, 2007 11:40 PM

Posted on June 7, 2007 23:40

DL From Heidelberg

Rachel; found you thru Ace. Sorry I'm late commenting but wanted to offer highest kudos. You're now only the second blogger who can make me squirt beverages out my nose. Keep up the good work.

Posted by DL From Heidelberg | June 8, 2007 2:53 PM

Posted on June 8, 2007 14:53