What sort of Fatty McFat needs 2 Quarter Pounders? Next time, he would be better off just mainlining the cholesterol into his eye socket instead of driving 45 min to eat 2 cold non-cheeseburgers. We all know that anything that comes from a fast food restaurant has a post-purchase life of MAYBE 20 minutes.

If I were there, I would have thrown cheese at the orca flopping on the ground, just to make sure he knew it was his own fault. But that's just me. And I'm usually an asshole.

Who the hell eats at McDonalds anymore anyways? That right there is taking your life into your hands.

Having said that though, just consider what wonderful inovations might come about as the result of all of this nonsense Rachel. If it weren't for some lady who was a few patties short of a Big Mac scalding her esophagus about 15+ or so years ago on a cup of McDonalds coffee, we wouldn't have those neat lil cardboard thingies you slide around your paper coffe cup, or domed lids that matter. What about those new cardboard Hot Apple Pie sleeves (they are on hotpockets too) that boldly state "CONTENTS MAY BE FUCKING HOT IDIOT" all over them. Without some jacktard charring his lips off, we wouldn't have such things today.

So buck up little soldier, enjoy the decadent goodness that is fast food, and look for the silver lining in all this. It's all there in the big picture, leastwise till some moron decapitates themselves on it and we have to take it down.

Have fun ;)!

PS: For more Darwin Award Hijinks be sure to check out http://www.darwinawardsdvd.com/ that movie was friggin hilarious!

Have fun ;)!

Bitchy? You? Parish the thought! ;-P

Oh, and yes, that dude was dolt... with a capital D.

:)

right up there with the people that own that Domain. (dailymail)

freakin' slower than crap... couldn't get it to load here...

I hate slow sites...

Do I even need to go on? Can we all just agree this guy is a stone-cold tool and Darwin will probably take him before he gets to his mid-20's?

Probably the best argument against the theory of evolution is that a person who is

a) intensely stupid
b) allergic to CHEESE

is capable of being born.

I've heard this kind of stuff before in my time in the food service industry. There are a couple things you have to keep in mind when ordering food in a place like McDonalds.

1) They don't give a fuck. Not even a little fuck. What you have to realize is that the people you see behind the counter at dirt-cheap dirt-food places are not in the customer service field. They're in the food preparation field. They're minimum wage cogs in a food-preparing machine whose job is, contrary to what you may believe, explicitly not to provide good service but to provide cheap and fast service.

If the cog happens to be intelligent, they might be able to get you what you want, but you should realize that they fundamentally do not care. They do not care because they are not paid to care. They're paid to get rid of you. If they were paid to care, they would be unemployed, and a smarter person would be standing there who could make food and care at the same time.

2) The universal law of food preparation: The more words leave your mouth, the longer it will take AND the greater chance of a fuckup. If you want your food fast and with no mistakes, just say "Number 4" or "Ragin Cajun Vagin" and shut the fuck up.

There is no escaping this rule. If you go to a fine restaurant, you may reduce the chance of a fuckup to almost zero in return for a longer wait, but that will cost you money. In a place like McDonalds, if you say anything except "Number 4," the fuckup rate will approach 1:1.

There are no exceptions. Ketchup? Pickles? Substitute a side? Meat temperature? Sauce on the side or on the dish? There's a significant chance someone's going to fuck it up. If the place seems to have too few servers or the food seems to be pretty cheap, you're better off just saying a dish and shutting up.

The problem is that "restaurants," as they were once understood, are nearly extinct. Basically, if the place sells anything fried and has another location somewhere, you're going to be ordering from a systemized kitchen organized not for quality but for volume.

3) Given all this, some people still insisted on telling me about their potentially lethal peanut allergy and how they can't have any peanut sauce on the dish they're ordering...which normally comes slathered in peanut sauce.

And the large part of me just smiles and nods and thinks "come on, shut the fuck up." But some small part of me just screams, "ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR FUCKING MIND? You're trusting this shithole chain restaurant with your LIFE? What if I forget? What if the cooks make it with the peanut sauce and then just wipe/fry it off when they realize their mistake? I can guarantee you they're not going to start from scratch. Here's an idea: why don't you actually LIVE YOUR LIFE LIKE SOMEONE WHO'S ALLERGIC TO PEANUTS instead of cheating death and haranguing your fucking waiter?"

I remember waaay back to the old days working fast food... We had a speaker back in the kitchen so we could hear the orders as they were placed, and maybe get a head start on some of the more oddball ones.

But I swear, if we ever heard somebody being an asshat in the drive-thru, we'd *always* fuck with their order. If they said they wanted extra mustard, no big deal. But if they kept saying it over and over like we were morons, and then ended with "Make sure you put extra mustard on the burger" then the thing was just drenched in yellow gooey goodness.

My guess is that the guy made such a big deal about not having cheese on his burger that some smart-ass teenager in back snuck some on one, just to piss him off.

The lesson, as always, do not piss off the people who handle your food!

Also... A cheese allergy? Who has that? Couldn't be the result of overprotective parents who had the kid in a bicycle helmet since birth and never got any bumps, bruises, or owies, and never had to eat anything he didn't want to, could it?

A co-worker liked hamburgers with mayo and pickles only. His entire life, his order was constantly messed up, until he had many years of frustration built up. He once stomped a wrongly prepared burger up to a takeout window, and threatened to "come through this window after the sumbitch" if the cook messed up his order again.

My biggest gripe the past few weeks has been (and I admit this is really sweating the small shit) fast food workers who insist on asking "Do you want the combo? How about a drink?" I want to scream at them "DID I ASK FOR THE COMBO OR A DRINK?" but I don't want extra spit on my taco or chicken sandwich, so I just seethe internally. On a different note: we like you better when you're bitchy, Rachel, so please stop putting clothes on your dogs. It's just wrong.

Um.. anyone want to bet he did it on purpose? The cheese equivalent of slip and fall? Who is allergic to cheese anyway. It's unnatural.

Obviously they should have gone to Burger King.

Hold the pickles, hold the lettuce!
Special orders don't upset us.
All ya gotta do, is let us make it!

Suing and winning the case are two entirely different things.

Notifying the restaurant of the severe allergy "might" allow a degree of liability, but I'd say that a court would find that a reasonable man with a severe cheese allergy would not trust his life to fast food workers based on common sense and his own past experience. On top of that, he has to show damages, and damages are not even close to $10M.

If the jurisdiction uses contributory negligence theory, there's no case, but this isn't likely. It probably uses comparative negligence. Also, I would argue that a customer at a fast food restaurant would have some assumption of risk regarding special orders. If it were burger king and they were advertising "special orders don't upset us" then the assumption would be less, but McD's makes no such claim. Their special orders are simply a service.

McD's does have some liability, no doubt. It's going to come down to a jury and which lawyer's song and dance they'll believe. If juries were made up of a true cross-section of society, there'd be no case, but in our legal system the lawyers have a lot of say in screening the jury. Foxes guarding the hen house, you might say.

To the person who was critical of a guy for buying two quarter pounders, you're probably right, but remember that not everyone lives an inert life. For those that exercise hard all day every day (i.e., athletes or people in the military) that's just a light snack. When I was a young whipper snapper I could eat a lot more than that at four meals a day, with snacking in between and still be stick thin. Oh, the good old days.

Allergic to cheese? Dude, it's called lactose intolerance. You may feel like crap, but it never killed anyone (yeah, I googled it!).

Around here, even ordering "#4" will get screwed up - unless you order "quatro". At least so I'm told, I haven't set foot in a fast food place in years (and 75 pounds ago - I don't miss their food or the weight).

Thanks for posting on this idiot, Rachel.

I like my burgers plain. About one in every 10 orders is screwed up in some way... often by having cheese on it. I long ago learned to check before driving away from the window or walking away from the counter.

If your life depends on not having any cheese in your mouth, then you really shouldn't be eating at McDonald's. Yeah, life sucks, but your deadly food allergy is your problem, not McD's. The amount it would cost them to avoid any possibility of mistake would raise the price we have to pay substantially. And if you just take the food server's word that there's not CHEESE, a perfectly visible, obvious product, on your burger before you eat it, you are truly a candidate for the Darwin Awards.

fargus, I googled it too and found this: http://www.ctv.ca/servlet/ArticleNews/story/CTVNews/20060228/peanut_allergy_060228?s_name=&no_ads=

"The law is named after Sabrina Shannon, a 13-year-old from Pembrooke. She had a severe dairy allergy and died after eating french fries at her school that had traces of cheese in it."

That said, if you know you have a life threatening allergy, you'd think you would stay away from places that use the substance you're allergic to. Nothing like risking your life for cold McMaggots, jeez. If he'd died that would have been worth a Darwin award.

This is why I eat at Wendy's. Better food. Bit more pricey, but well worth it.

:)

I stand corrected, should have dug deeper. Lactose Intolerance and Milk Allergy are not the same thing. The guy's still an idiot, though.

I have a niece and nephew with fairly severe food allergies; they never eat fast food. Even stuff that they have purchased before they read the labels on - it's amazing how often companies reformulate stuff without any notice. And you have to know all the synonyms for what you're allergic to.

And we can't even get peanuts on a dang ol' airplane anymore.

There is a photo of the shyster in this case here.
The youn'un jus' trying to make his bones!

"Um.. anyone want to bet he did it on purpose?"

Ya, I want in on that betting pool. Who goes to the trouble of telling the burger folks three separate times how important it is that he doesn't get cheese on his burgers and then never checks his actual order right there at the counter, or certainly when he unwraps them back home 'in a darkened room'? Ya, right.

I say sue this guy and his lawyer for malicious and frivolous litigation.

Also, eating cold burgers in a darkened room sounds like a fetish I want no knowledge of. I can't help wondering if he donned a big diaper first. Oh God, why did I say that?

Rachel,

This dipshit deserves exactly squat for his efforts here. This was obviously a set-up for "civil action" from the git-go. In a perfect world, McDonald's would be able to recover damages from him for even threatening a lawsuit.

Oh, and I haven't had time to research it yet but, a cheese allergy so acute that incapacitation followed by death results from the first bite? Hmmm.

Could not this moron have tasted the cheese and thought "wait a minute there's cheese on this 'no cheese' burger" then spit it out?
In all probability, his careless ways will result in one less person to pass on the "cheese allergy" gene into the gene pool in fairly short order.

When I worked uniform patrol and sometimes had to eat in unfamiliar fast food joints, I religiously disassembled any food I ordered before consumption.(Would you like some extra "loogies" on that?)

I never had a problem with it, but you hear stories...

On another note, from a previous thread:

Yes, Charlie got a whole handful of his favorite treats after all was said and done, because he may have caused the burglar(s) to pause in the bedroom, long enough for me to intervene (it's really strange to draw your gun and yell "POLICE" when entering YOUR OWN HOUSE).

I was on the phone with my girlfriend when I
entered the house, so needless to say, she got a little anxious for a few minutes until I called her back. Something to do with me hanging up after telling her "Someone's in my house, I gotta go".

Two things about this story strike me as suspect:

1) Is there really a 45-mile span in America where there isn't a McDonald's? When was the last time you had to go more than 200 yards to get your fat-grease-cholesterol McFix?

2) Is West Virginia part of the USA? I mean seriously, aside from the occasional sound byte from Robert Byrd, can you name anyone else actually from West Virginia? I think it's a made up state.

I'm checking Snopes.

HELL NO. I just clicked on the link provided by bogdaddy.

Hole #3 in the story: The mom's name is "Trela." Of course, she probably lives in one. That's just too convenient. A West Virginian with the name "Trela"? This has to be a goof.

I can haz korter pownder?

I think y'all need to study up on milk and cheese allergies before you start saying they don't exist and/or can't cause anaphylactic shock at the first bite. Milk is one of the most common food allergies and intolerances (two entirely separate things), along with fish, shellfish, peanuts, tree nuts, wheat, soy, and eggs.

That said, this guy and his mom are two money-hungry idiots.

Ok, I have to post about this. My comment got way too long.

God, I'm a freak. Reading this story causes the same reaction I had after watching "Super Size Me"...I'm goin' to get me some Mickie D's!

I'm with sarahk on this. Some folks really do have allergies severe enough that small amounts are serious business. I don't know about cheese specifically, but if you think about it, the more seriously allergic the guy was, the less I'm willing to believe he never thought to check his food before taking that first bite.

Let's say it's a very serious allergy. Then it's so serious he would never take the chance of eating food uninspected for an ingredient so ridiculously easy to spot. If it's not a serious allergy, then it's not serious enough to put his life in jeopardy(or anyone else's life) trying to get to the hospital. He could have just called 911.

We may not know enough about this guy's condition to evaluate the seriousness of the allergy, but I think we know enough to evaluate the seriousness of the lawsuit.

I just read the article so I wanted to chime back in real fast. Monongalia? Monongalia County? A Monongalia County Man?

Is it just me or does Monongalia sound like a Feminine Genital Disorder? Those crazy hicks in West Virginia, what will they think of next.

Have fun ;)!

Someone earlier on mentioned the apple pies and hotpockets. I'm all for a warning on those that states "Danger: After 10 seconds in microwave, Apple-flavored Napalm distillate may approach 6000 degrees."

When I think hot food, immediate 3rd degree burns don't come to mind.

Oh and pop tarts? Holy shit, it's like touching the surface of the sun after 3 minutes in the toaster. It's the culprit of that hard "frosting" on the top. That stuff will radiate intense heat for hours. In the winter I can hang 6 toasted pop tarts on strings from the ceiling and heat the whole place for a day.

That said, this guy is king of the retards for trusting his life to McDonalds.
Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go eat cold hamburgers in a dark room.

Back home in Lower Episiotomy---down the road a piece from Clip and Tuck, Texas---we were so poor we couldn’t afford cheese.

And that’s all I hafta say on the matter.

Well, okay, maybe another word or two, to avoid having to put crap in the attic.

"Hey, Lance. Get off the computer and put all this crap in the attic."

"YOU put this crap in the attic. When did I start looking like a danged bellhop?"

Anywho, that Johnny-Edwards-sissy-pants guy who says he’s “allergic to cheese.”

“I’m a lergic.”

“OOOOooo. A lergic. Yeah, you do look kinda lergic to me.”

“I may be going into anaphylactic shock.”

I useta date a girl name of Anna Phylactic. Had great big jugs, she did. Worked as a milk maid. Don’t know where she got them jugs. Maybe from Lucas Mart. You know. Big store with a sign has that little girl with the white barrette and the size 19 Mary Janes. Useta see her clompin’ around town...

clomp
clomp
shuffle flap step
clomp

...throwing trash at old people. Sayin’ ‘Outa my way, geezer’ or 'Hey, whyn’t you go break a hip, granny?’

Folks loved her anyway.

Why, I couldn’t say.

Lance,

??? Huh? Oh,ha ha ha ha ha ha ha...I think.

Not sure myself, Retrocop!

Tequila does that.

And now, back to putting crap in the attic.

Look at all this danged junk!

Exactly HOW many lamps does anyone need?

We got coats from the last ice age. It never gets lower than 40 degrees here, but we got wool coats that go down to your ankles. THROW THEM OUT!

But noooooo.

I don't get it.

WOMEN want things orderly.

[This is good. Not a sarcastic remark.]

But SOME woman buy containers for stuff to make things orderly. Then the house gets filled with containers.

"Hey, this dump is full of little containers! I can't stand it!!! We need order around here!"

"Yes, my queen."

So they buy bigger containers to organize the smaller ones.

"Now we're cookin' Lookee at all the new containers I got from Lucas Mart to hold all the containers. Only 678 dollars!!"

"Magnificent, my empress."

This process is repeated with ever-larger containers for containers of containers.

These macro-containers weigh about 6 tons and have thousands of shelves and drawers and doors and wheels and stuff.

You need a pick up truck just to get the Ultimate Container home.

The joint ends up looking like a warehouse.

"Hey, where's my blue jeans, for cripes sake?"

"They're in aisle 11B, next to housewares."

"What!?? I thought they were hanging on a hook in my closet."

"No, that was BEFORE we got organized."

"Organized? I need a map to find my pants?"

"Right! Maps. Organized."

I think this container business is a plot from Lucas Mart, where that little girl with the white barrette and the size 22 Mary Janes is always clompin' down the aisles saying,

"Hey, you!! Buy some stuff or get the hell outa here!"

Lance you are completely retarded. AWESOMELY retarded, that is. Seriously. Two words: Guest Post. I'm not even going to ask your permission when I do it, either.

"Lucas Mart". Mweheheh.

Alexander, you too. "Napalm distillate". I know, right?! That stuff should be used by the Army in Iraq. Here's some Hot Pockets! Enjoy, fuckers!

And last but not least, I'm with SarahK on this too. I once had a friend who got sick if anything of peanut origin even got on her tongue. And there is a real cheese allergy, no doubt. The problem with the stupid fuck in the article is that he didn't check his food before eating it. And that he waited 45 minutes to eat it, which honestly, makes me throw up in my mouth a little.

"These macro-containers weigh about 6 tons and have thousands of shelves and drawers and doors and wheels and stuff."

Yes around here we call those Macro-Containers "McMansions", and you can't swing a dead cat without hitting one, unless of course you are in a neighborhood of McMansions populated primarily by folks from West Virginia, who tend to eat those very same dead cats when the 2 hour ride to the McDonalds seems a might too far to go for a simple McRib Sammich.

Ain't it funny how things in life can work out to be so cyclical?

Have fun ;)!

PS: Let us not forget about "PODS" too, and I ain't talking about that device derived by the Devil that everyone and their red headed step child has jammed into their ears while hungrily chomping down on a super-sized McHeartBomb neither.

You. Crack. My. Ass. Up!

"we were so poor we couldn’t afford cheese." - Lance de Boyle

Lucky bastard. Why, in my day, we were so poor we couldn't afford free government cheese!

"Why, in my day, we were so poor we couldn't afford free government cheese!" Rickbert

Wow! Now THAT's poor!

However.... Let me tell you about poor.

When I was a boy, living in Custard Pants, Texas, we was so poor we couldn't afford GOVernment!

Some big shot pollytician would come by and say, "Vote for me! I'm your man."

An' we'd say, "Hey, big shot pollytician, all we got is these here sticks....And a ton of containers from the Lucas Mart, where that little girl with the white barrette and the size 37 Mary Janes---looks like she wearin' row boats---is allus startin' trouble."

Then Granny Suggins would set her head on fire so we could read.

'Cause it was dark.

And all we had was sticks.

And stupid Lucas Mart containers everywhere.

And memories of that little girl.

To keep us warm.

Just to be anal and totally digress from the subject at hand (because it's what I do best), please don't stick that gun in your mouth, much less pull the trigger, even if you, your mother, your father, Rupert and the Baby Jesus have all checked to confirm it's unloaded.

Mmkay?

Couldn't afford free government cheese? Coo! You lucky sod! Many's the night I went to bed dreaming that we only couldn't afford free government cheese. We were so poor, we couldn't afford the rotting, left over remnants of the free government cheese they tossed in the dumpster out back after they were passed over by rich bastards like you.

"Um.. anyone want to bet he did it on purpose?"

Of course he did.

I bet the guy has been driving around for ages attempting to get some mug to fall for this....45 minute drive...think about it people....bet you he has been trying to pull this off for years. If his rubbish was rifled through I'm betting a fiver they would have found hundreds of empty containers.

PatHMV says, "We were so poor, we couldn't afford the rotting,..."

Okay, now THAT's poor alright.

But comparatively speaking, Pat's family lived on Easy Street.

WE were so poor that we couldn't afford to say the sounds ffff and ah.

If we cussed someone, it always came out "uck you, sshole."

Try livin' like that a day or two.

PatHMV:We were so poor, we couldn't afford the rotting, left over remnants of the free government cheese they tossed in the dumpster out back after they were passed over by rich bastards like you.

You had a dumpster out back? We were so poor we would have KILLED to have a dumpster to live in.

Why one July when I was a kid it was so hot anyone foolish enough to get caught in the sun would spontaneously combust. I lost two uncles and a cousin that way.

I tried to raise some money so I planted a crop of popcorn. Unfortunately it was so hot the corn popped right on the plant. Around these parts it's still known as the great popcorn blizzard of '59.

It was so hot the streams all dried up and we could tell where the fish were by the dust they kicked up swimming downstream.

BTW around here we have a saying: The first liar doesn't stand a chance.

Oh yeah! Almost forgot. The guy should win and the jury should award him 10 million pounds of government cheese.

I call bullshit.

He "nearly died", but his total medical costs were ... $700?

(Me, I order most fast food burgers without cheese because I hate fake cheese... but I also know that fry cooks at such places are usually incompetent and will put cheese on the meal probably 10% of the time in any case.

That "deadly allergy" boy hadn't figured this one out and was not taking due dilligence for his own safety will not create grounds for punitive damages from McDonalds - who, to their credit, already offered to pay medical costs.

McDonalds, fortunately, has much better lawyers than he will.)

RU still pissed about the Nachos Cheese incident?

I still laugh about that:):):)