I think you need to move your turd can from the back yard to his porch early one morning.

Ohhhh. That would make a great T-shirt! "NO TURD LEFT BEHIND." I'll make one at Cafepress and wear it on all our walks.

Oh man, that's funny! :-))

I not only pick up my own dogs's output on our walks, sometimes I will even pick up someone else's if it is left where it might inconvenience inattentive pedestrians. So imagine my surprise one day when some idiot lady swerved her SUV across the parking lot, leaned out the window, and hollered "I just picked up your dog's shit back there!" Words failed me. All I could do was wave a poop bag at her as I quietly hyperventilated.

But that's not even the best story. Another time, Daisy decided to pee on a walk. As she finished and we were walking away, some old geezer behind me started hollering "She pooped! You pick that up!" Well, she hadn't. I noted the deposit in question, and it was dry as a bone. So I picked it up in my bare hands, walked over to Mr. Crabbypants, and shoved it close to his face saying "See?!? It's dry! It couldn't be hers!!!" The look on his face was priceless, as if I were planning on putting it down his shirt (well, the thought did cross my mind). Anyway, I will remember his look of horror and disgust fondly until the day I die. And best of all, I bet he'll think twice about harassing someone else in the future. Making a better world through negative reinforcement. That's my motto. Or it will be, if I ever decide to have one.

Oh and... by the second time around, I would have thrown the shit at him.

Your parting speech was brilliant and ROUSING. Good use of the word "turds."

Some of the selfish pricks around here don't pick up their dog's poop. When I see them I go out on the deck and stare them down quietly, because as you say it's not cool to YELL across the neighborhood and disturb others with my yelling. You'd think they'd feel guilty about someone staring at them as their dog takes a massive dump on a well-tended lawn. But they don't. They look right at me and turn and walk away from the pile, unconcerned. Incredible.

I say this as a dog owner whose dog ONLY poops on her own land and in fact prefers to poop while hunkering on a slightly sloping hillside while making a distressed face. Every dog has its own poop style. Ours is just one story.

Next time, just let Sunny take a massive shit on his lawn.

Sorry Rachel, you can't use "NO TURD LEFT BEHIND" ... it's the slogan of the Democratic National Convention.

Isn't it funny how dogs usually have this slightly embarrassed look on their face when they're pooping, they refuse to look you in the eye.

I do love it so when folks let/leave their dog poop directly under my mailbox.

My two Evil Spawns won't even go on the lawn, they insist on pooping on the deck (yes, I know, "poop deck", ha ha). Fortunately, they always deposit nice, dry little poops, so I keep my scooper handy, and then fling their poops into the woods off my deck using my best former-college-lacrosse-goalie clearing shot.

I would have, with him watching, walked over, dropped trou and shit in his yard. And then say, "What? You didn't say anything about my shit. Sorry, I just had corn, too."

Alexander: Right on. My beagle Lady always has that "Must you watch me while I poop?" look on her face when she does her business.

ha!

I suppose JessicaAnn, that it might be disturbing if they intently stared you right in they eye, as if to say:

"Hey ... this one's for you."

Specially the tiny little rat-dogs, because they shake while they poop too. That'd be creepy.

"Seriously. And no, it wasn't an old and possibly deaf man. He was about 45 and I know for a fact he could hear me clearly."

I see you have met my evil twin Humphrey, sorry to hear that Rachel. The thing I always found rather hilarious about the whole "poonannynannyhaha" BS, is that people make such a big deal about how they are bagging the poo rather than leaving it on everyone elses lawn, but what about the piss that is left running down every single possible vertical surface between point A and point B by a male dog? Or the nitrogen burns left on a persons lawn by a female dog (female dogs for some reason have a higher nitrogen content in their urine than males which over fertilizes grass to the point it melts out)? Are you coming back with a water truck to hose all that urine down and disipate it to harmeless levels too?

No offense intended, but poo or urine, it is still undesirable bodily waste that is being allowed to run into storm drains or become affixed to things like hydrants and mailboxes that are used regulardly by people for something other than a urinal.

When I was a dog owner (and I confess I was not beyond reproach myself) I walked my dog twice a day and made a point to make sure he did his business on our property before we headed out on our walks, and I sure as hell wasn't about to let him go lifting his leg all over town, which is not an easy thing to prevent with a 125lb Lab. I mean if I had left him to his druthers, a 15min walk would take 2 hours. Granted, animals are no different than people when it comes to not wanting to shit where they eat, but they can just as easily be trained to shit and piss in our own yards as they can in the curb or yards of our neighbors. I truly appreciate your "leaving no turds behind" attitud Rachel, but I wanted to give you a possible example of why "Humphrey" may have felt the way he did about what was going on, and yes he is right, some people are not nearly as responsible as you in that regards.

Have fun ;)!

You realize, of course, that dog urine damages grass...

Of course you do.

Brian and Daq - what is WITH you two? Jesus. On my ass all the fucking time. Ahem: I didn't say a fucking WORD about urine, did I? That's a whole other post I might make some day.

As a matter of fact, I try very hard to prevent the dogs from peeing on any yard but mine, because I know from personal experience that it'll burn the grass. I do let them pee on the curb, because there is nothing wrong with letting urine go down storm drains on the street. You think storm drains are clean? Soapy water is worse than dog pee.

HT - I do that, too! Pick up other peoples' dog turds, that is. Sometimes I take my dogs to the school down the street that has a huge empty playing field, and I always take extra bags because I know there'll be a few turds some jerk left behind, and I want to keep it clean so that they don't fence the area off to keep everyone out due to tons of turds.

Just thought that I'd point out the the single largest source of ground water contamination in urban areas is caused by pets.

Yep, you're actually drinking, after it's been treated of course, your dog's, as Rachel so aptly put it in an earlier post, "ass matter"

OMG

"NO TURD LEFT BEHIND."

The perfect political slogan, You can run for mayor or Governer or something!!!!

Okay...shameful confession time. I do not always pick up after my dogs. *hangs head in shame* I generally know when they'll actually need to go and when they've already gone (our backyard is a massive toilet) but once in awhile my little girl will surprise me. :( If we're too far from home and I'm without a bag I won't go back. HOWEVER...we're not in a city and her chosen location for said function is not generally in someone's yard.

I do love that our neighborhood installed a doggy bag dispenser. It's the neatest thing! Unfortunately some local kids think it's fun to pull all the bags out and hang them like streamers.

Okay...confession out of the way and I promise to try harder.

Our little girl squats when she pees. And I swear that it looks like she is taking a #2. I feel bad because I'm sure that people think she is, but she really isn't. Not sure there's anything I can do about that.

Think the guy skipped his blood pressure meds that morning?

He really should be more polite. If he goes off on someone less tolerant than Rachel, I predict a flaming bag of doggie doo on his doorstep some fine evening. A cliche, but a classic.

Tolbert, they have these things called filtration systems in place in most urban areas. You are no more likely to drink your or anyone else's dog's "ass matter" than if you were to buy a bottle of Evian at the local market.

I wonder what he does about the bird, frog, snail,snake, squirrel, raccoon, etc. shit in his yard? I hate to break it to ya folks, but ALL water is contaminated. We swim in a stew of fish poop, bird poop, etc. Can't make them all wear diapers now, can we? Thank you for your efforts at being the crazy neighborhood turd lady though Rachel. There are people that appreciate it!

The geese that run rampant in the park behind my patio drop larger deuces than my dog does.

Evian kinda tastes like ass matter. Never liked it.

I read somewhere that a male dog lifting its leg is a learned behavior. My 10 year-old boy dachshund (who lives with his sister and doesn't know any other male dogs) squats when he pees.

Not that there's anything wrong with that.

Sparrow, it's true. I was always kind of embarassed that my male dog continued to squat and pee like a little girl until he was at least 2 years old. Then he went to spend a week with a friend's male dog when I went on vacation. I came home and he was lifting his leg to pee on everything. I was so proud, my little boy had all growns up!

"I never drink water. Fish fuck in it."

-W.C. Fields

Rachel, dear, you and your dogs! You crack me up. As long as you have Sunny the Protector with you, go ahead and shout it out with jerkwads all day long. You are a tidy little thing, aren't you? Love your t-shirt idea. Dad needs one for when he walks Maggs the Killer.

OMG...your mom said jerkwad!!! ROFL

OMG...we used to have a very large dog. Always cleaned up the poops. One day this asshat stopped at our house and started to bitch about her poops. He even had a baggie of it. Very small turds. I walked out into our backyard and scooped up a big pile of poo with a baggie and showed it to him.. BIG dog=BIG pile of SHIT. He got the message and left. The neighbors next door have 2 small yippe dogs. We always catch them scooping up thier poo and tossing it into our yard. That stopped when we line drived a pile of Boo's poop onto thier deck.

Sorry to disagree with you, Rachl Lukis (you know how much I love you), but we only let Rowdi go in the common areas, no one's yard. I am not a dog person, so I know that I can't stand to see in my yard even the residue left behind when dogs poo and their owners pick up the twosies (I LOVE THAT WORD!). There is POO RESIDUE still in my yard. And ew. Ick. Ew.

And yes. You can control where your dog sniffs and poos. I know you're a Cesar fan like me, and he's pretty clear on it: the dog only goes where you say he/she goes. The head hits the ground, you pull it back up toward the sky and don't let it go down again until you are at a place where you think it is perfectly okay for your dog to poo. I wouldn't run outside and yell at you for Sunny's pooing in my yard and then your picking up after her, but I would rant about it to Frank for a minute. Until I saw something shiny. I'd appreciate that you picked it up, but I'd be ranting about your not taking the dog to the common areas to do the bidness.

When we first got Rowdi, we let her pee and poo wherever (we knew nothing about dogs), and Rowdi was a sniffing machine -- constantly fixating on every single smell she found -- but after Cesar, we changed that habit very quickly and easily.

Sury 2 disgree. Mwah.

Using a 9-iron to chip poo into an offensive neighbor's yard is a win-win. You not only get rid of the poo and take revenge on a neighbor, but it's also good exercise and it will improve your short game.

Any Mom that can say "jerkwad" in public is aces in my book. You Rock Mrs. Rachel's Mom!

Have fun ;)!

I'd like to give a big shout-out to all the irresponsible dog owners out there: thanks for making us all look bad.

Yep. Same goes for all the other smokers who throw their butts all over the place. I take mine with me until I get to a trash can.

we only let Rowdi go in the common areas

I believe that's known as the "Tragedy of the Commons".

Sparrow: "and then fling their poops into the woods off my deck using my best former-college-lacrosse-goalie clearing shot."

I hope you do yell 'fore!' as you do, Sparrow..

Ahhh, now that we've 'met' your mum, Rachel, we know where your style is from..
Like mother, like daughter...

Love it. You're both ace in my book.

Remedy for a-hole yelling cul-de-sac dweller:

"Flaming bag of poo"

On another note, I'm also unhappy with those who don't pick up after their dog. I've peeled out many a time while out walking--something we do with the kids after the sun is low in the sky--and visibility of meadow muffins becomes more obscured.

Nothing makes my day quite like a smelly pair of Asics to go home in...

we only let Rowdi go in the common areas

I believe that's known as the "Tragedy of the Commons".

Laughing. Myself. Ill.

Ha! I feel compelled to point out that my mom never would actually say 'jerkwad' in public of her own accord - she hates my rampant cussing. She was just quoting me from the last paragraph. I know, it's disappointing. But my mom is awesome, that is true. I TOTALLY got my writing skillz from her (have I ever mentioned that my mother is a master degreed college instructor in communications and she graduated with perfect straight A's?)

SarahK - oh girl you dare defy me. Now I can't WAIT to post the pic I took of Sunny in the Nuke the Moon shirt. I agree with you EXCEPT - what ARE common areas? There really aren't any where I live (you know where I live in detail so you know what I mean). Seriously. The closest park isn't in walking distance, it's all houses, all the way. Ugh. I have to put them in the car to get them to a common area. Which I do once a day, but the other walk of the day, we stay local.

Honestly, I bag when my dog poops, and I would never leave a mess, but some people need to get a life when they become so unglued about a thing such as this. It's fucking GRASS.

Now, if we were talking flower beds, I'd have a whole different attitude.

Isn't it funny how dogs usually have this slightly embarrassed look on their face when they're pooping, they refuse to look you in the eye.

It isn't just dogs. If you're in the mens' room, it is customary to make eye contact with NOBODY. Especially if you're forced to take a urinal next to someone. Especially. Matter of fact, there is only one place to put your eyes when you're standing at the urinal, and it is straight forward. Looking at what you're doing is just narcissm and looking at someone else is likely to get you killed.

Rachel,
On one side you have the red neck trailer gang and across the street the president of the poop patrol. What kind of neighborhood do you live in? And when Rupert comes to visit is it because his neck of the woods is even worse? Also, are you friends with any of your neighbors? Just asking.

Yes, I D-fi u! Nyah!

Well, I consider anything that is not someone's yard open for business, so to speak. And yes, where you live, I imagine it would be quite a walk. If we lived somewhere where there were no common areas, I'd pretty much let Rowdi go only in our back yard (and then Frank would immediately pick it up). I just figure that if you're a dog owner, you should get stuck with the poo residue rather than sticking your neighbors with it, since they didn't bring the dog into the neighborhood.

We have an advantage, because we have lots of common areas and public property nearby. Around the retention ponds, around the entrance to the HOA, along the main roads where people may own the land, but nothing has been built there... I just prefer to let her go there than in the yards of people who live near me.

We had a Poo Nazi in our neighborhood, though, and he actually turned his car around to cuss and yell at Frank for not picking up after Rowdi when she went in one of the common areas. Thing is, she peed. She didn't even poo. Yes, Frank corrected his overbearing, curmudgeonly pinkytoe.

"On one side you have the red neck trailer gang and across the street the president of the poop patrol. What kind of neighborhood do you live in?" - DL

Ha!

Don't forget about Senor Baggy-Pants and Jumpy McPitbull. Rachel lives in a movie with a whole cast of quirky characters.

DL - hehe. No I'm not friends with any of these losers. I've met a few of the nice ones and they're not all bad, though. It's just a perfectly average Dallas/Fort Worth suburb. In other words, mindnumbingly character-less and soul-crushing.

Alexander- "Jumpy McPitbull" BWAAHAHAHAA

I'm too lazy to read all the other comments so forgive me if someone else has already said this:

1. 1' from the curb is almost certainly City right-of-way and not the homeowner's property. Let Sunny poop away. But the homeowner does have to maintain it, so you're very kind (and doing the right thing) to take the poop with you.

2. Irresponsible dog owners are the reason my wife won't let us have a dog. She's been terrorized by dogs a few times. I tell her, "There aren't bad dogs, just bad owners." She didn't see the owners as the dog strove to "eat her face off", so she doesn't believe me. *sigh* Oh, well.

Unfortunately, you DID leave a turd behind. It walked into it's house.

Alexander,

You are so RIGHT. The look on Charlie's face while he is in the middle of a dump is one of the funniest things I have ever seen. I have even tried to get a photo of it but he always looks away (the shame and humility of it all).

I have been dog-sitting my girlfriend's English Bulldog recently while she is out of town which is truly maddening because the beast refuses to dump outdoors. I can put the dog out for hours at a time and as soon as I let her in and she gets out of my sight, she will drop a load.

Fortunately, (don't know if all members of the breed have this problem) the dog seems to have a perpetual case of constipation and drops hard nuggets rather like large elongated rabbit droppings.

The bad thing is she will drop one or two in a series of rooms as she kind of dumps on the move as it were.