Wow. BTW — Ms. Lucas, you have a few megalomanicial posters, doncha?
No matter. Thanks anyway

I don’t think I misunderstood you in the least.

I can’t speak for everyone else on the planet, but I for one would ditch any relationship in which I had only the two options of either beating the shit out of them or manipulating them.

There are more options for behavior than those.

I’m not going to forget either size/strength differentials or legal repercussions, because they truly exist. I’d have beaten the shit out of that mean little ex-girlfriend of my ex-boyfriend (I was *really* tempted), but for the possible legal repercussions to my ex and to me.

It wasn’t worth going to jail for the fleeting satisfaction of beating her up. It ultimately wouldn’t have helped my then boyfriend in his quest to raise the kid either.

But I wouldn’t shed a single tear if I heard tomorrow that she ended up dead in a dark alley somewhere, assailant unknown. I’d figure that she finally got some payback for what she’d done to other people.

My father was a mean bastard who would slap any of us kids in the face for talking back. He would also use his belt on us at his whim. He nearly threw me through a wall. I was not able to fight back because he was stronger.

My fraternal twin sister was one of those women who could wrap men around her little finger with manipulation.

I didn’t have the option of beating the shit out of him because I couldn’t. I didn’t have a weapon, but if I had, I’d have been too scared to use it. (So… when my parents split up, there was more peace and quiet in my life. I was actually relieved. I actually hated it when they kept trying to get back together.)

And no, I wouldn’t have shed a tear either if someone had nailed his ass before he finally expired when he did.

I think you *way* underestimate the intimidation potential for a small woman and a big man. I’ve heard/read some women’s comments regarding this.

The small women *know* that there is a potential for injury if the relationship ever gets violent.

I know for a fact that some men have been intimidated by my sheer physical size at 6’1″ (just height–even when I was still slim). I know for a fact that many large men won’t date a woman my size. I know that many large men and many tiny women prefer each other.

Even an average man might have no clue that a small woman could be intimidated by the sheer size differential. She would probably be more aware than he would be, of that potential.

And no, I’m not trying to make women out to be victims and wimps.

My size may be a deterrent as far as dating men goes (thank gawd I’m not dating anymore)… but it also allows me to do things like drive across country by myself and not be too worried beyond taking basic precautions.

I think you misunderstood me.

Forget about things like physical superiority or possible legal repurcussions. Just pretend they don’t exist for a moment. Is it really better to *not* inflict grievous bodily harm, and instead spend years slogging through a loveless relationship? Is emotional manipulation really “better” than beating someone up, if only because it’s less physically harmful?

Hell, *I* wanted to beat the shit out of that mean female whom I described–for what I saw her doing to her kid and to my ex, let alone for how she treated me.

But I didn’t do that, because it would have made my ex’s situation regarding the kid much more tenuous. He eventually had to go to court to preserve his parental rights to the kid, which is something he had been trying to avoid doing… but obviously she could not be dealt with rationally.

She did start fights, and she also got walloped by more than one man–and IMO she royally deserved to have the living shit beaten out of her.

Yes, women are capable of getting just as angry, mean, resentful, and spiteful as men. And sometimes it gets physical. But *usually* a woman does not seriously damage another physically grown woman or a man just with bare hands, whereas a man *can* do serious damage with just his bare hands (due to the usual size/strength differential between average-sized men and women).

For the woman to do serious damage to another female or to a man, it usually takes a weapon… or some infatuated sucker to do her dirty work for her.

And since women usually know they are not capable of beating the living shit out of another grown human being–I think that’s one of the main reasons why a lot of them resort to snarkery and bitchery. Just my opinion.

Now, if you’re talking child abuse, that’s another whole ball of wax, because a woman *is* perfectly capable of doing serious bodily harm and/or death to a small child with her bare hands.

And one more comment from me on this subject… yes, I will admit to having had feelings, over the years, of jealousy, resentment, sibling rivalry, spitefulness, and all the rest of those ugly emotions to which the human race is heir.

That doesn’t mean, however, that I have always *acted* on these feelings. I do know the difference between feeling something and acting on it. Although I cannot claim to be perfect in this regard, for the most part I have *not* gone around cutting other women with the kinds of snarky things which have been listed in this thread, although I might have been thinking those thoughts, and although I have been a target of such crap on more than one occasion.

And I didn’t go around snarking on Miss Queen Bee, even though she obviously didn’t care one whit for the possibility that she might be hurting my feelings; there’s more to this story, but that’s about as detailed and personal as I want to get.

Another of my erstwhile acquaintances, Ms. X, really hates Miss Queen Bee; in fact she was rather well known for it among circles in which I used to travel. I asked her once why she hated her so much… what she replied was this:

There was a party at which there were, in addition to the Queen Bee and Ms. X, also Mr. and Mrs. Y. Miss Queen Bee, although knowing that Mr. Y was already happily married, was reportedly coming on to Mr. Y in front of his wife. The Queen Bee was also in a long-term relationship at the time, so basically she had no business soliciting Mr. Y in that manner.

Ms. X, after witnessing this episode, has hated the Queen Bee to this day.

And the fellow who died suddenly? He told me that from what he had heard, even “close female friends” of Ms. Queen Bee usually felt like they were competing with her (rivals for men’s attention) and not just “friends.”

So it isn’t just my perception.

Maybe men beat the shit out of other men instead of doing what women do. Is that somehow nicer, or more “honest”?

That’s not an easy question to answer.

Certainly slugging someone is a lot more honest than that passive-aggressive thing that women do. But is it nicer? I suppose it depends on how you look at it.

I mean, take the “mean female” you describe. Would it have been better or worse if your ex had just gotten in a fist fight with her, rather than letting her drag him through that horrendous ordeal? (It would have been over and done with a lot faster, for one thing.)