I love Skittles and I love M&M’s, so it’s sad that I’ve had neither in 4 years, but whatever – I still remember the taste and texture. A Buzzfeed list of things I read today mentioned a party trick involving putting out a bowl of those two delicious treats together and waiting for someone to take a handful, haha. OH MY GOD NO. The thought of it makes me nauseated, I mean I felt an actual wave of sickness when I first contemplated the gustatory horrors of that mouthful of candy gone all wrong.
Even if you only eat one piece at a time, still, a Skittle followed by an M&M, when you’re expecting another Skittle: AWFUL. Sweet soft fruitiness interrupted by the arrival of crunchy chocolate: GROSS.
It’s like when you pick up a glass of clear beverage that you think is your Sprite and it’s really your friend’s water, or vice versa. Maybe you love Sprite and you love water, but having expectations crushed right there in your mouth is never cool.
But mostly what freaks me out is not the sequential sampling but the concurrent combination of flavors and textures, of which the Skittle/M&M pairing would be an abomination. I’ve never been a believer in the idea that if you like this food and you like that food, then you should like them together. A few years ago when my parents were visiting, Mom and I began raving about chocolate-covered raisins. Dad asked if I’d ever had chocolate-covered grapes, and I said no because I wouldn’t like that, and he wondered if I realized raisins are in fact dried grapes, and I said yes but they’re different, and he said “sure, they’re different, but they’re also the same, even while they’re different, because they’re fundamentally the same, and if you like raisins in chocolate then you should like grapes in chocolate because there’s no difference and besides, you like grapes, so what’s the problem?” and soon he and Mom and I were all laughing so hard that we almost had to lay on the floor and call for an ambulance but we didn’t because the paramedics would have thought we were high.
Anyway, Dad argued that any two foods you like separately, you could enjoy together, with which I vehemently disagreed and provided several examples, but he won rhetorical advantage when he pointed out that I’d never actually tried any of those combinations so how did I know? Fair play, but nonetheless I’ve spent the last few years thinking up combos of my favorite foods and drinks that would not be enjoyable no matter how hungry or drunk (or both) I was, such as:
- tomatoes and grape jelly
- shrimp dipped in melted queso
- steak and peanuts
- corn with orange juice
- smoked chicken and bananas
- scrambled eggs and ice cream
- chicken pot pie with a side of guacamole
- roasted bell peppers and lemon cheesecake
- strawberries dipped in sour cream
- grilled salmon and coffee
- grilled onions and Honey-Nut Cheerios
How dare you, sir.
But I should admit that living in Italy has brought certain new taste combinations into my life that I never would’ve expected to tolerate, let alone love so much that I have dreams about them, like cantaloupe wrapped in prosciutto. The first time I saw that on a plate I giggled nervously and mumbled “ewww why?” Someone said, shut up and try it dumbass. I’ve never been the same since.
Also, hard cheeses dipped in fruit-flavored honey. Freakishly delicious. I know these concepts exist in America too; I just never encountered them enough there to try them.
But still. Certain individually-wondrous ingredients do not go together, ever, for any reason other than starvation or threats against your loved ones if you won’t comply.
The only exception is bacon. Bacon goes with everything. I’d even eat Skittles and M&M’s together if they were swaddled in a bacon wrap.