Peeve week, day 2.
First problem is, the news is boring. Second problem, I don’t have any new dog pics. So that means I have to actually think of original things to blog about. So I think to myself, self? what is fun to write? The answer is, shit that pisses me off.
Then the next thought is that if all you ever do is write about shit that pisses you off, you get at least a couple of assholes out there somewhere who blog about you or leave a comment saying that all you ever do is write about shit that pisses you off, and that you should try to be happy once in a while.
Which leads me to shit that pisses me off, which I will explain shortly. But first I would like to announce that this week is officially Peeve Week, and that ironically, the word “peeve” is an actual peeve of mine. It sounds so mincing and silly. Peeve. But if I title several posts in a short period that include the words “shit” and “piss,” as in “shit that pisses me off,” the next thing you know I get blocked by NetNanny. Wait, that has already happened. Anyway, we’re calling it Peeve Week.
So now, about how if one writes too often about shit that pisses her off, which makes people tell you to “be happy,” and how that in itself is shit that pisses me off: if you either do not have a blog, or you do have a blog but it is boring, then you need to shut your cakehole about how often a blogger like me blogs about shit that pisses her off. Do you really think that I would get any traffic if all I wrote about were great things I love? Do those who say, “oh, be happy,” actually want to read about things that make me happy? This is what a post like that would be like:
Tuna salad! God how I love it. Rupert has a flair for crafting the most perfect tuna salad in the world, and I like to eat it as often as possible. It tastes good and I like the texture, especially because he includes chopped boiled eggs, which have that awesome spongy, soft-yet-weirdly-crunchy-but-not-crunchy-AT-ALL quality. And you can’t forget the pickle relish, which gives the tuna salad a certain kick that just really knocks my socks off.
Huh. Maybe you would like to read that, you freak. Okay fine, I’ll try to write more about great things I love, but the fact remains that it is more fun to write about shit that pisses me off. I’m human. I have flaws.
So anyway. What I’m getting at is that it is a peeve of mine when people think that posts on a blog are some sort of comprehensive psychological dossier on the actual human blogger who writes them.
The reason someone like me might write often about shit that pisses her off is because like I said, it’s more fun to write that sort of thing, and last time I checked, the only point of blogging was to have fun. Because you sure as hell won’t make a living from it unless you spend full-time hours on it, which I can’t and don’t want to do because…that wouldn’t be fun. Handy little catch-22 there. I like it.
It hasn’t happened lately, mind you, the whole “be happy” thing. Actually what set this post off was that I somehow found myself reading a post on some random blog I’d never heard of before, and the blogger there had written an entire essay about Dooce’s commentary on her hate mail.
And no, I’m not linking to Dooce because (1) she doesn’t need the traffic and (2) I decided recently that I don’t like Dooce anymore because she wrote something about her dog that made me angry. Yes, I’m that shallow.
Anyway. So Dooce is a mommyblogger who occasionally publishes her hate mail with her own snarky responses to it. It’s usually funny, and frankly if I got the kind of hate mail she does, I would freak out. We’re talking “you are a horrible mother and should never have had children” type of hate mail. She doesn’t go psycho but makes fun of them, and I admire that.
But what got me all pissy and made me want to write this post is that this other random blogger posted a long, detailed diatribe about how negative it is for Dooce to post the hate mail. How it was such a waste of time and served no purpose whatsoever, and also who cares what people think? You should just ignore them, and BE HAPPY.
All I could think was, you fucking moron. Why don’t YOU ignore Dooce? Why don’t YOU stop being so negative about Dooce being negative about hate mail? Why don’t YOU quit wasting YOUR time bitching about Dooce for bitching about hate mail? Why don’t YOU just be happy? Huh, dumbass?
Which then led me to thinking about my all-time most powerful peeve when it comes to comments on my own blog. It happens only rarely, but when it does, I want to KILL KILL KILL. And it is this general statement:
Why are you so worried about what other people do? Why don’t you just worry about yourself? I can’t believe you wrote a post just to bitch about this subject that affects you in no way.
Christ on Mount Irony.
What I want to ask these people - in between raining blows about their head and shoulders - is, why are you so worried about what I do? Why don’t you just worry about yourself? I can’t believe you wrote a comment just to bitch about my post, which affects you IN NO WAY. ASSHOLE.
Yes. I am writing a rant about something that most recently happened about four months ago. Tough shit. That’s how much it pisses me off.
Now if you will excuse me. Rupert just fixed himself a plate of leftover bratwurst, potatoes, onions, broccoli, and baked beans, and it smells so good that I literally cannot see straight. I must have some, too. If you don’t like bratwurst then you, Sir, are a racist. Figure that one out.
That’s not hate mail. That was a daily conversation with my 15-year-old daughter. I opted to be amused with it, because fighting just made it worse. Which is why Dooce doesn’t freak out. Trust me. You get insulated quickly when your child is screaming it (along with choice expletives) at the top of her lungs as she storms through the house, slams her bedroom door and cranks Tool because you won’t let her go and party.
What’s a little bloginsult when you’re faced with that crap everyday? SRSLY!
Oh, and bratwursts without sauerkraut? Are you guys heathens?
EDIT: You know what will really increase traffic? If you blog about wrasslin’ with RPRT for his bratwurst … tee hee …
July 29th, 2008 at 6:47 pmRachel, Brad and I just got back from Bob & Edith’s in Arlington. Teeeny tiny little diner that has teh awesomeest fude EVAH! What pisses me off is that this tiny little hole in the wall has been discovered by every shitstain who thinks it’s “cool” to hang in there with their ugly sandals, hippie clothes and snotty “Obama is Da Saviour!” attitude. Instead of just enjoying the good ole fashioned, greasy, yummy, unhealthy food, they go in there and sip their coffee with their pinky fingers sticking up in the air and discuss the latest in liberal politics. UGH
This is where we first saw a short, fat, crew-cutted lesbian wearing a yarmulke that had “Obama 2008″ embroidered on it! I’m not even shitting you!
*sigh*
I feel better now.
The brats do sound really good, though! *drool*
July 29th, 2008 at 6:50 pmMmmmm, bratwurst….
July 29th, 2008 at 6:50 pmI thought not liking bratwurst made me a homophobe or a lesbian….
July 29th, 2008 at 6:51 pmbratwurst = yuck
potatoes = not bad, not good
onions = hamburgers only
broccoli = yuck
baked beans = I like the new Bush’s grillin’ beans only!
Don’t bother inviting me over unless you improve your menu.
July 29th, 2008 at 6:58 pmAre you guys heathens?
What a silly question. Of couse we are.
I thought not liking bratwurst made me a homophobe or a lesbian….
I thought it made you either a vegetarian or someone who’s never had a properly cooked bratwurst. (Yes, there is more than one good way to cook a bratwurst!)
Some bloggers genuinely enjoy their hate mail, or at least the finer specimens, and even offer tips on . Then they grade it.
July 29th, 2008 at 7:00 pmOk, so blogs are a “pull” technology, right? I mean, a blog reader has to somehow happen upon your site and then decide to read it - it’s not “pushed” to their e-mail or anything. (Even if it were, they’d have a choice not to read it.) So it’s totally ridiculous to criticize a blogger about what he or she decides to post. That’s like going into someone’s house and criticizing the decor. Your house, your choice how to decorate. Your blog, your choice what to write about. Period. Your peevage is justified, in my opinion.
July 29th, 2008 at 7:05 pmHere, Rachel, something to cheer you up:
Over at Ace’s blog he said:
“…as the delightful French phrase has it, so fucking stupid it sounds like you skull-fucked yourself with the Retard stick.”
Lovely turn of phrase, eh wot?
July 29th, 2008 at 7:23 pmI think both your peeves are justified. I love to read your rants. Its you blog, vent about whatever you like - I’m just along for the ride.
Hey, OT slightly but I read this in someone’s signature on another board and it made me laugh because the sass of it reminded me of you.
“Obama 2008: Change You Can Believe In, Once You Figure Out What It Is”
July 29th, 2008 at 7:27 pmBratwurst is best with Secret Stadium Sauce, but a good horseradish mustard will do in a pinch.
July 29th, 2008 at 7:29 pm*gasp*
Say it ain’t so! Our Esteemed Leader does NOT have flaws!
You should hear some of the things I’ve been called by the parents of my students.
As always, your blasphemies never cease to entertain.
July 29th, 2008 at 7:41 pmI always find it amusing when someone bitches about what you decided to blog about. If they really think that they know what’s important, they should start their own blog, which no one will likely read. In fact, that’s what most of these douchebags are doing when they troll in your comment section: trying to drum up business on their own pitiful little blog.
Actually, they might just be ridiculously narcissistic and believe that the world revolves around them, but I’ll give them the benefit of the doubt and just assume that they’re assholes.
July 29th, 2008 at 7:43 pmIt’s your house, you can do what you bloody well like. Tell them to sod off.
July 29th, 2008 at 7:45 pmHoly horrors, Harry!
Rachel’s got … Peeves!
July 29th, 2008 at 7:58 pm1. Blog Nazis piss me off. Quit telling people what to write on their own blog, and go write your own. Stupid Blog Nazis.
2. Bratwurst rock the house, especially on a nice steamed bun, with sauerkraut and german mustard. Oh oh oh.
3. I loves that Rachel when she gets all angry and indignant and lets the cleansing fire blast at her target.
July 29th, 2008 at 8:14 pmDogs and cats.
July 29th, 2008 at 8:36 pmPets.
LOLdogs.
LOLcats.
Pet peeves.
LOLpeeves.
You make tuna salad sound interesting. Heh.
In a comment thread I had a person of puckered hind area mentality tell me how stupid I was to like Inora from Firefly because she is a prostitute, and I was even more freakin’ stupid to like River because she is a psychopath.
I wanted to go River on him. Why does he care that I like Inora and River? WTF?
Thank you. I feel much better now. Brats are terrific.
July 29th, 2008 at 8:42 pmI’m surprised to find this such a peeve. Public blogs are just that and any moron could both blog and comment on blogs. That seems to be one of the things that makes them more interesting. Easier said than done, but you do just have to ignore it or make fun of it. They don’t matter and if it gets you more readers then all the better.
July 29th, 2008 at 8:49 pmBest laugh I’ve had all day, thank you.
I love bratwurst. It does not love me.
July 29th, 2008 at 9:01 pmYou sound angry. Maybe some more of Rupert’s “bratwurst” will cheer you up. Did your doggie go pee-pee on the floor or something to upset your pretty little head?
I’ve only recently started reading your blog, and have read through the archives and can’t stand to see a girl so upset. It makes me depressed when you do humiliating things to your dogs and act like a meanie towards Obama. And don’t get me started on what you’ve said about our friends the British!
A nice bubble bath and camile tea may be in order…
…aw hell, I can’t even do a drive-by troll right; just joking. Someone had to do it. OK, maybe not, but that’s how I roll.
If it weren’t for bitching about things that piss one off, there’d be almost no reason for blogs to exist at all.
July 29th, 2008 at 9:12 pm1) my instant word association with “peeve” is “Bob Saget” (and not because you just mentioned him a couple posts ago). Think South Park’s immitation of Saget, and you know the mincing (Rachel picks the perfect word, as usual) quality I associatie with both of them.
2)fun with ellipses:
what were we talking about again?
3)more fun wih ellipses:
4) I like the sound of peeve week. What day is fucktards who block the shopping aisle with carts and kids?
5) the ad on top for the prayer post was “our prayer ringtones”. OK, obvious. The top ad for this one was “our serenity ringtones”. That’s funny!
July 29th, 2008 at 9:25 pmOff Topic.
felicity, I saw your lolteristz (Jesus how do you spell that shit) on IMAO! yay!
July 29th, 2008 at 9:34 pmNot related to post, however:
WHY THE EFFING HELL DO YOU HAVE AN AD FROM BLOVIATING ALBERT GORACLE ON YOUR SITE??
Christ on a sidecar! So much wisdom, and the ad suggest that you’re a global warming panicfreak.
PLEASE tell me this is a mistake!!!!!
(It IS possible that it’s a farce. . .but the first minute had me chain vomiting so I had to kill it with fire quickly.)
July 29th, 2008 at 9:51 pmWell, at least Filch will be happy…
July 29th, 2008 at 9:53 pmWhat pisses me off is that I can’t write as well as you. I do enjoy your blog.
July 29th, 2008 at 10:02 pmRachel,
Once again, you leave me speechless (and seriously envious of your talents! *grins*)
What you bring to blogging is: Realism and Credibility.
Not everyone online can be happy all the time, but not everyone is peeved all the time. Somehow you find the right amount of middle ground to bring humanity to the digital age (wasteland). It’s awe-inspiring.
And I am jealous, in a good way.
July 29th, 2008 at 10:10 pmPeeves … tuna salad … pets …. bratwurst — you make them all entertaining and enlightening. One of the reasons I enjoy your blog so much is that I can never guess what you’ll write about next. I just know that it will be surprising and delightful with some very creative expletives thrown in as a lagniappe. Please just keep it coming, Rachel.
July 29th, 2008 at 10:12 pmIf I couldn’t bitch about people and things, I would explode like Mr. Creosote. I don’t care how he, she, or it does or does not affect me–I think; therefore, I bitch.
July 29th, 2008 at 10:38 pmevybuns:
I respirate, therefore I bitch.
July 29th, 2008 at 10:42 pmMmm brats
Go on and bitch until your heart is content. We enjoy the ride.
July 29th, 2008 at 10:43 pmNext, Dooce will blog about this blog post, which will send Mr.BloggingFuckingMoron off on another rant about why-can’t-Dooce-just-be-happy?, which will cause Rachel to verbally defenestrate his ass, setting off a swirling vortex of metablogging - sucking the entire blogosphere into a flame war not seen since Protein Wisdom patted Feministing on the head and told them to not worry their pretty little heads about it, whatever it was at the time.
Actually, I think it would be way awesome if Jeff at PW and Rachl got into a real good scrap. It would be entertaining for pure snark value and I’d learn new words.
July 29th, 2008 at 11:18 pmBy day, I (lance de boyle) am a welder for the Acme Shoebox Repair Company.
Our motto:
“If your box has a crack, we can plug it pretty good.”
By night, I am an etymologist.
So, I examined the history of the word “peeve.”
Turns out that it is first found in a scroll recently discovered in a cave at the Dead Sea.
[Wow! Let’s hear more, lance.]
I have translated it, as follows.
The Book of Zuckerman
I, Pincus Zuckerman, son of Leonard and Sadie Zuckerman of Hebron, Exit 12 off the Gaza Turnpike, was called by the L-rd as a Prophet of Israel.
I alone stood atop Mount Pisgah, a few evening rays I was catching, my tan to fill out and make of evenness.
As I towards Heaven looked, I saw (or perhaps the word is “noted”) a throne of gold—or it might have been a Lounger of the Barca—descend. And verily an angel all in white, wearing a schmata with gold trim and pompoms on the shoulders—a fagella for sure—said, “Hey, putz! Yeah, you! My name is Angel Mel. Harken ye (or the word might be “Buster”) to my words.”
And I, the son of Leonard and Sadie Zuckerman, who own Zuckerman’s Bagels (“At Zuckerman’s, one bagel is pretty much like another. So don’t be such a choosy yenta.”) replied, “Huh? Did you say ‘My name is smell’?”
And the angel spake unto me, “I said ‘Mel,’ hat of the asses. Even a six year old child can understand.”
And I—peeved–said, “So, send forth for a six year old child!”
And the Angel Mel said, “Oh, ha ha. That’s an old one from the Book of Groucho ben Marcus. But enough of this vaudeville act. The L-rd has a big job for you.”
“Shoot,” I replied.
“You are to mend the stiff-necked children of Israel. Go downtown to Finkelstein’s CVS and get thee a bucket of Greaseless ben Gay. Apply it liberally to the necks of the children of Israel for to make their necks more flexible.”
And verily I said, “Screwed be you on that account, Mel. I am on my tan working hard.”
And the angel said, “Well, then, yourself go and fu………”
End of scroll.
So, I think it’s pretty clear that “peeve” is a Hebrew word.
It may have magical properties.
We shall ask Madonna.
July 30th, 2008 at 12:30 amI admit, reading that paragraph kinda turned me on. I think it was the tuna salad that did it.
Which is weird because I hate tuna salad.
July 30th, 2008 at 12:58 amRelish in tuna salad? Eggs? Eggs are for egg salad, and relish is for burgers.
Dang, shit like that pisses me off.
Tuna salad like that sounds like it comes from new york city.
Places like that piss me off.
At least its not some california vegetarian tuna salad, where some microencephalic twitterbrain replaced the tuna with tofu and the mayo with whipped soystuff. That kind of shit would really piss me off.
And now its late and I’m still up posting lame comments. Yeah, you guessed it.
July 30th, 2008 at 1:02 amMy pet peeve?
People who expect me to transcribe - verbatim! - a recording of 10 or so schlubs sitting around a conference table.
With one mic in the middle of the table.
With a loud air conditioner.
And clinking cutlery.
While they’re eating.
GAH!
P.S. You make Tuna Salad sound shexy, girl.
July 30th, 2008 at 1:30 amOoh, the tuna salad sounds great. I wonder what Rupert can do with chopped chicken, honey, applesauce, celery, rosemary and tarragon. Maybe wheat buns?
Now, I would suggest you go forth and be happy, but that would seem, ‘be happy’ish. Or I might suggest you just blog your heart out, but that seems pretty pointless. How about, kudos to E.E. “Doc Smith” in his paranormal/SF “Subspace Explorers” - We go.
July 30th, 2008 at 1:38 amOy…
You think YOU got issues?!?!
How’d ya like to be wrestling with a fucked up Blog?
Next time some azzhat tells me Movable Type is better than Wordpress. I might just kick them square in the jimmies.
July 30th, 2008 at 2:04 amI like to make my tuna salad with chopped pickles, chopped radishes, and ranch dressing.
The radishes give it extra crunch.
July 30th, 2008 at 2:22 amTuna salad is good, just like that.
I have to add that I’m rather disappointed this thread isn’t composed of 50-some-odd variations of
“Why are you so worried about what other people do? Why don’t you just worry about yourself? I can’t believe you wrote a post just to bitch about this subject that affects you in no way.”
and / or
“Be Happy!”
Next time I’ll just have to post as 47 different people.
July 30th, 2008 at 5:40 amEd Minchau:
JG has hung up his hat (yes, again) but this time it sounds serious and final.
Holy shit! so is Kim! on Nov 30. So at least we’ve got a couple more month of th ol’ guy.
July 30th, 2008 at 6:12 amme no care why rachel peeved
want dog and gun pron
Please provide forthwith
that is all
July 30th, 2008 at 6:21 amHate celery. If we took all the celery in the world, dug a gargantuan hole in the middle of North Dakota (where I believe livestock outnumber actual hooomins in residence) and set the entire thing ablaze, I’d be a happy girl.
But radishes in tuna? Yum. Also instead of regular mayo - wasabi flavored mayo just for kicks. And yes… a little relish and some eggs.
I drool…
Oh, and celery smells bad.
Oh, and I want to see a photo of the fat dog with a cowboy hat on her head… and a set of spurs… and a holster with a gun in it around her portly middle.
That would make me happy today.
I’m cranky.
July 30th, 2008 at 6:37 amDearRachel,
Dee doo doo doo doo doo de doo de doo
Don’t worry.
Be Happy.
I like the rants.
But then, I am subserviant to Your Awesomeness.
On second thought, maybe you could increase traffic by having periodic “Happy Post” days, like if you write about the happy children playing under rainbow skies in marshmallow fields etc etc (see Sean Penn’s monologue in Team America World Police). Nah.
July 30th, 2008 at 7:20 amv/r
mike
I never know just what to write down here in the bowels of this page, but the demand to “leave a comment. Do it now.” is just too hard to resist.
1) Germans make the best brats. I spent nearly four years stationed there, and speak from experience. Skip the sauerkraut.
2) Germans make the best beer. Beer + brats = awesomeness
3) I’m a tuna salad purist. Tuna + Mayo = a good sandwich
4) If anyone ever starts a Rachel fan club, I’ll be the first in line to join.
Thanks for the laugh today. I needed it.
July 30th, 2008 at 7:36 amSpeaking of your taking the Lord’s name in vain, have you seen the “Jesus Cheeto”? I’m sure there’s material in there for you.
As for the bratwurst, Johnsonville? Those are freakin’ awesome!!!
July 30th, 2008 at 7:39 amNever heard of dooce. Went and read it. Makes fun of her husband in public. Will never read it again. And they say YOU’RE too angry.
I’ve yet to read here that level of disrespect for “Rupert”.
July 30th, 2008 at 7:45 amTuna salad. Hmmm. I prefer mine made by opening the can of tuna, grabbing a couple of slices of dark, heavy rye bread, and a fork, and just eating the tuna out of the can. Of course, that was back in my good ole bachelor days … now I get stuff resembling your description. OK, I can eat it … but I’m a GUY … I don’t need all that frou-frou stuff.
July 30th, 2008 at 7:51 amlumpenscholar: (re: the lack of lots (there were a couple, at least) of smart-ass comments wondering why Rachil Lukis is so mad all the time and how she just needs to be happy!)
Apparently it was the tuna, of all things, that caught everyone’s attention. Who’d a thunk? I guess this means we’ll be seeing a lot more posts on tuna salad, since everyone seems to enjoy reading about it. Whatever, ya weirdos.
July 30th, 2008 at 8:09 am1911Man:
so what do you call Jesus made out of a Cheeto? Cheesus, of course! But don’t bothering Googling Cheesus, because you ened up with a lot of Jesuses (Jesi) carved out of blocks of cheddar. But it brings all new meaning to “Jesus on a cracker!”
July 30th, 2008 at 8:15 ampet peeves:
July 30th, 2008 at 8:40 amassholes that talk on the cellphones while driving.
assholes that cut me off while talking on their cellphones while driving.
The word “panties” - it’s always annoyed me. I mean, if you are talking about the lacy barely there “let’s get laid” under wear- then yeah, the word Panties fits. If you are talking about the every day wear undergarments - just STFU already.
I honestly don’t know why this bothers me so much.
ethne: totally understand about the panties thing. For some reason I especially don’t like when men say the word. It’s not like I think a guy is gay when he says panties, it makes the word more unseemly or insidious I guess.
July 30th, 2008 at 8:54 amI can’t believe these comments. You folks should all stop complaining so much about this blog and be happy.
July 30th, 2008 at 9:08 amIf you’re telling someone else to quit worrying and be happy, you’d damn well better be providing the alcohol and/or the pills. Otherwise you can sod off. (The Brits know how to turn a phrase…)
Peeve away, Rachel.
Oh, and I like my tuna salad with Ranch dressing.
July 30th, 2008 at 9:09 amPet peeves #1: People who think that all women are fundamentally deficient in self-esteem, you know, because the media keeps telling us we are. They make comments like, “I’m sorry you didn’t get into your A-list school, you just have to believe in yourself more!” Ummm, if I didn’t believe in myself, I wouldn’t be applying to A-list schools. And don’t get me started on the ones who respond to my case of flu with, “You need to take better care of yourself.” Because, when I’m as sick as three dogs, nothing should make me get better faster than being told it’s all my fault, whilst being busted for a failing I don’t actually possess, with a heaping helping of condescension on top.
Yeah, I blogged about it, and yeah, my blog is boring, and that’s why I didn’t link to it.
Pet peeve #2– people who get to the bottom (or top) of the escalator on crowded Metro platforms, and. just. stop. I’d rather prefer NOT to see what happens when some espresso-hyped commuter gives us all a graphic demonstration of an Irresistable Force meeting an Immovable Object with only an Innocent Bystander for cushioning. It would obliterate the escalator and most of the station in a flash of light, and the resulting earthquake would shut down half of the Orange Line. Which would definitely make me late for work. And besides, if I’m going to have front-row seats for a disaster that big, I want popcorn.
And Tully– Scalzi’s post was hilarious. And he gets commentary from Jane Yolen. THE Jane Yolen. (bows in Scalzi’s general direction). Nice link– thanks.
July 30th, 2008 at 9:17 amPS– tuna salad rocks, but it needs to be with real mayo, and not Miracle Whip.
July 30th, 2008 at 9:20 am/channeling the last sane Brit on the planet
What a bunch of wanking poofters! Why don’t the buncha you just sod off already? /channel
Just had to get that off my chest.
Lance, you, sir, are probably the one responsible for the Gospel of James the Just Kidding.
July 30th, 2008 at 9:21 amErin: on your #2, Amen! I don’t understand how people can, in this day and age, still not understand the getting out of the path of the escalator thing.
And here’s one of my current pet peeves, which I’m remeinded of every time I click a link to an “actual” news source (WaPo, NYT, Times UK): A LIST OF BULLET POINTS DOES NOT AN ARTICLE MAKE! sorry. I just hate witnessing the decline in the ability to form a cogent story form the people who are supposed to be the best at it. You know writers?? And the creators of the fucking language?? A paragraph is not composed of a single sentence goddammit!! Cheesus that shit pisses me off!
July 30th, 2008 at 9:30 amethne’s peeve:
Panties. Panties. Panties. LOL. A visual image that makes men PANT, right?
Personally, I’d much rather visualize panties than bloomers.
Hmmm … how to circle around back to Tuna? Edible panties made of tuna? Nope, that won’t work … too many possible double, triple and quintuple entendres.
July 30th, 2008 at 9:39 amTo Heatheradish;
July 30th, 2008 at 9:54 amSecret Stadium Sauce? You must be from Milwaukee.
I am a bratwurst-eating conquest monkey! Submit to me, all you Untermenschen who will not Eat the Meat!
July 30th, 2008 at 9:59 amThanks for having Peeve Week, Rachel. I have a legitimate one I want to bring up: people who cruise along casually in the fast lane as if they have all day to get where they’re going. Hello…some of us have places to be–things to do! Extra diss points if they’re applying makeup, shaving, and/or chatting on their cell phone while doing so. If I could afford the lawsuits, I would just rear-end them off into the median for sport. YES!! GET OUTTA MY @#$%^&! WAY!!!
Oh, and brats, espcially with beer, are wonderful. Must be my German background.
July 30th, 2008 at 10:02 amIt’s Good to see you finally come out of your shell.
July 30th, 2008 at 10:05 amFor the record, bratwurst is some of the most amazing stuff ever. It’s not as good as linguica or bockwurst, but it’s still pretty damn good. That said, give me a good blutwurst any day of the week…
(So I’m a sausage enthusiast. That’s right. I’m enthusiastic about sausages. It’s the 21st century. Deal with it.)
Since they just showed the “Hare Club For Men” South Park episode, I say that, whenever somebody tries to tell you how to run your blog, tell them that you only listen to instructions from Pope Snowball.
July 30th, 2008 at 10:11 amGood God, you better open some windows. And call the EPA. Maybe some UN Chemical Weapons inspectors.
And remember to blame Sunny.
July 30th, 2008 at 10:16 ammaya - I feel better knowing that someone understands my pain.
pete in midland - YYYYYYYAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!! AAAAAAA!!!! meanie.
July 30th, 2008 at 10:17 amTully, thank you for the link to Scalzi’s blog. I’ve bookmarked both him and Yolen as a result.
I happen to also like a dash of mustard in my tuna salad, but the way Rachel described it has made me hungry, lol.
Off to get some lunch!
July 30th, 2008 at 10:45 amAnother peeve
Now, Sunny is large (and Rachel is trying to take care of that problem) but 44 pounds for a cat is disgustingly obese. Cat must be in agony every time it tries to walk.
July 30th, 2008 at 10:57 amWhat peeves me off are bloggers who get peeved at their commenters. Like that tree that didn’t fall in the forest because no one heard it, you don’t exist unless we find you amusing. So entertain us and be happy about it, or go *poof*.
July 30th, 2008 at 10:57 amMy reticence got the better of me, Phelps.
When I read Wachel’s initial post and she wrote:
“.. and it smells so good that I literally cannot see straight.”
My immediate thought was:
“.. yeah, you say that NOW. Give it half an hour or so - and you won’t be able to see at all.”
July 30th, 2008 at 11:01 amThat is sad indeed, Ethne,
My daughter was doing a report on cats (trying to convince me she needs one) and put this as her wallpaper! It’s like looking at a train wreck.
EDIT: Damn. I can’t get onto my remote desktop and thus I am having to link to a google. Sorry.
July 30th, 2008 at 11:01 amNoo! I would never come here again if you got all happy. Blech. I like the peeves. Erin-completely agree on the peeves. People who stop anywhere without getting the hell out of my way are irritating. Also, people who have to get all up in my personal space while waiting in line at the grocery store checkout. Standing one inch from me will not make the line go faster, you nitwit.
Also, people who do not check for the ‘all clear’ before leaving a public bathroom stall. I do not want to see your poop, people. How hard is it just to check and make sure the seat liner/TP/various body wastes have gone down before leaving the stall? I better stop now.
And Ethne-I’m so with you on the word panties, HATE!
Mmm, tuna salad. I will have to try adding eggs. Mr. Lucy slices green olives and adds them to our tuna salad. Delicious.
July 30th, 2008 at 11:11 amOh, and I like my tuna salad with Ranch dressing.
Damn, there goes my uniqueness. Seriously, I despise mayo on sandwiches. It’s salad dressing base as far as I’m concerned. If I’m gonna put salad dressing in my tuna I want something with a little zing. (But plain mayo is acceptable for dipping french fries. As long as they’re hot and salty.)
Erin_Coda: Scalzi’s a heckuva good writer, one of the longest-running bloggers around, and a master of snark. If you like SF I highly recommend his novels. Hck, I recommend ‘em anyway.
July 30th, 2008 at 11:20 amethne’s peeve:
The word “panties” - it’s always annoyed me.
Don’t get your knickers in a twist, ‘mkay?
July 30th, 2008 at 11:27 amCatharsis is healthy and, like tuna salad, is a dish made to be shared!
I can’t stand:
– People who think their left turn has right-of-way over oncoming traffic — WTF? — right up there with people who play “traffic cop” and try to yield their right-of-way (y’know, ’cause they’re “nice” or something) instead of just taking their damn turn so we can all get on with life!
– People who either try bathroom door handles without first knocking, or knock loudly and persistently as if you’re trespassing??
– People who use “me” instead of “my” with a gerund. No. Really. I hate that.
The Boss and I have a little joke about my venting, though, since I don’t hold back much. . .
maya,
July 30th, 2008 at 11:32 amYay indeed — all your doing, since you put me up to it :)!
You know what peeves me? People who talk really loud on a cell phone, in a public restroom, while they are pooping. Eww.
July 30th, 2008 at 11:33 amMajor pet peeve: Long line of cars on the highway in the fast lane trying to pass a slower vehicle, and an asshole goes into the slow lane to try and take around a few of the cars in the line.
2 scenarios ensue. Scenario one I’m just pissed at him trying to do this.
Scenario two, some idiot actually lets him back into the fast lane after pulling this, so not only am I pissed at the asshole, I’m pissed at the idiot who let him cut in.
And if he does get stuck behind the slow moving vehicle and can’t get back in before I get up to it I have a habit of letting up on the gas a little bit and give the car behind an opportunity to get closer so he can’t slip in directly behind me. Its especially satisfying when the jerk started to pull his maneuver when he was behind me and now ends up farther back.
July 30th, 2008 at 11:43 amHey! ethne … panties are useful for OH SO MANY THINGS!
[tee hee now you’ve done it]
PANTIES OF DESTRUCTION!!
July 30th, 2008 at 11:44 amPersonally, I think your post about things that piss you off are the most entertaining. Makes me want to provoke you just to see the glorious result.
July 30th, 2008 at 12:00 pmOh dear God this post was hilarious…and rambling. I liked it.
July 30th, 2008 at 12:04 pmOK, a highway peeve: two trucks (trucks are usually the worst offenders here, though not always) are driving at 55 mph in the right lane, one behind the other. Suddenly (just as I’m coming up behind them, of course) the truck behind decides that 55 isn’t fast enough for him. Oh, no–he wants to drive mph. So he pulls into the left lane and spends half an hour passing the other truck, while traffic piles up for miles behind both of them.
July 30th, 2008 at 12:12 pmI love that I am not the only one with the panties issue!!!! It means that even if I am insane - at least I am not alone.
Christ in a straight-jacket!
Or even worse, while you are pooping. I’m a little gun shy when people are babbling in the bathroom to begin with…
Whale tails, sealing - really awesome pun - does anyone else get the porpoise of this?
And that is a big freakin’ cat. It’s like it ate the 44 pounder than snacked on my three.
July 30th, 2008 at 12:19 pmTell me you were just using the Tuna Salad thing as an example of really stupid blogging. Because, just the fact that some people eat that crap is the kind of shit that really pisses me off!
July 30th, 2008 at 12:32 pmWhenever I’m, ahem, using the facilities, and someone begins talking on a cell phone, I immediately begin flushing and keep flushing the whole time they’re talking.
Yeah, I’m passive/aggressive.
MY pet peeve? Well, I’m glad you asked.
Using the phrase, “I’d like to thank”. You’d like to? Really? Well, go ahead. Or is there some reason you can’t?
“I’d like to thank Rachel for writing this post.”
vs.
“Thank you Rachel for writing this post.”
The first merely expresses the desire to do the second. My family knows I’m going to add “but I can’t” out loud whenever I hear someone say they’d like to. This can be embarrassing (for them) when other people are around.
Did I mention I’m passive/aggressive?
July 30th, 2008 at 12:38 pmOf course you should be happy.
Happiness is Mandatory. The Computer says so.
You don’t disagree with The Computer do you, citizen? You know contradicting The Computer is Treason, don’t you?
Please report to the nearest self-termination booth, and have a nice day, citizen!
EDIT:
July 30th, 2008 at 1:47 pmIn case you don’t get it:
I haven’t read all the comments so pardon this if it’s a dupe: There’s a certain syncronicity to seeing an Al Gore web ad prior to this post only then to read several swear words used several times. That worked for me.
July 30th, 2008 at 3:51 pmNow, after reading all the comments: Cell phone users in the left lane, spot on. What bastards! Actually, anyone anywhere on the freeway when I’m trying to get to work absolutely infuriates me. Be advised I29/I80/I29/I480 starts in my driveway. Stay off. Plus, semi’s here routinely get into the left lane in advance of the long climb up I80 across the Missouri River and into Omaha. Why WHY WHY!!! My neighbors will be dutifully driving 55 in the right lane while the semi is blowing thick, black diesel smoke trying to maintain 54 in the left. That definitely calls for a retractable bazooka. Bastards!!
July 30th, 2008 at 4:08 pmTHE STREETS ARE FOR THE LIVING!!
July 30th, 2008 at 4:09 pmethne; okay, one last giggle … it can’t be helped!
Panties! That is just KILLING ME. Would it help to know what when I am teasting the short man for being snippy I offer to “ice his panties” … gets him every time.
There’s a whole BUNCH of people ! If you are mad at your panties, send them on!
And celebrity panties-pet-peevery-pervery …
Even Britney agrees panties are naughty.
PANTIES!!!111!!111!ONE!!!
July 30th, 2008 at 4:20 pmOh, God, 14 Karat! That is too great!
As for “panties,” I never say the word. It seems juvenile and one step up from diapers. I wear “underwear.” Or thongs.
July 30th, 2008 at 4:53 pmethne: I totally agree! I hate that word soooooooo much! I do not wear panties, I wear UNDERWEAR! Or undies.
Or, if I’m feeling silly, underpantses.
But never never ever panties.
Besides, it’s just absurd to refer to the utilitarian cotton under garments I wear as “panties.” The only concession to aesthetics I am willing to make in regards to underwear is color/pattern. Forget lace, bows, thonginess, super high cut leg holes, etc. The number one thing I value in underwear is butt-coverage. If I feel like my rump is falling out of the sides of my underwear it distracts and annoys me all day. I realize this is both an uncool and an unsexy way to dress, in light of the prevalence of thong undies, but I don’t really care. I made peace with my fussy ways years ago.
The only time I use the word “panties” is to tell my son, who wears diapers, not to get his panties in a knot.
July 30th, 2008 at 6:03 pmhere’s a panties/thong two-fer and then I TOTALLY have to quit torturing my good buddy ethne, cuz’ it’s just WRONG to ruffle the fur on someone’s pet peeve THIS much!!! But, LOL, Panties!
July 30th, 2008 at 7:05 pmMaya: dammit, I stop reading PW for a year and he goes and quits on me, the whiny baby. He probably blames me for shooting the armadillo too, even though it was a total accident and no jury would ever convict me - I was just trying to make the little sucker dance.
July 31st, 2008 at 12:59 amSorry, ladies, but the word panties just works. I know, I’m not talking about anything with lace, holes in odd places, or etc. Plain old cotton under clothing. Could essentially be the same kind of thing I’m wearing. But call it a pair of panties and suddenly there’s another set of meanings attached, a certain magnetism, because it means what women wear. And, no news flash on this site thank Cheesus, women are different from men. As a man, I celebrate that. And panties are part of that celebration. I don’t expect you to accept it, but there ’tis. Don’t expect me to change.
Speaking of which, one of my big pet peeves (besides the word “peeve” itself, which I think has been discussed) is people who expect me to be willing to change my thinking but who have no willingness to change their own. Lord the time I’ve wasted on such folk!
July 31st, 2008 at 10:25 amI have a couple of ways I like tuna salad, it doesn’t matter to me which I eat. That said the tuna must be packed in a can and it must be packed in oil. These new oh so efficient foil pouches are not for me, especially if the tuna is packed in water.
Water is a solvent. It destroys the flavor and the texture of the tuna. One of my peeves is that crappy water-packed tuna now seems to be the default in stores. Whoever came up with this tasteless crap should be killed then packed in water in about 400 6-ounce cans and buried at sea
Bratwurst is great. I get spices from sausagemaker.com and make my own. Nothing like grilling some up and having someone ask where you got the awesome brats at and you get to brag about your brat-making prowess.
My biggest peeve is people who bitch about Wal-Mart at every opportunity and then when you go shopping there you run into them. They always have some lame excuse but you know they are there for the same reason you are - to save money.
July 31st, 2008 at 10:46 amThe word “panties” doesn’t bother me as much as the actual thing does. Ergo, sometimes I just go commando instead. Depends on what I’m wearing. And speaking of “Depends,” someday when I do have to wear adult diapers, I don’t want one called “Depends.” I want one called “Definitely” or “Absolutely.” I want to know that booger’s gonna work.
July 31st, 2008 at 11:29 amBrats.
Onions.
Broccolli
Beans.
No more gas shortage.
July 31st, 2008 at 2:29 pmThat’s always bugged me too. I guess they were going for “dependable” but it comes off more like “maybe they’ll work, it depends”.
Imagine if “Always”-brand maxi was named “Some Of The Time”. Would anyone buy that?
July 31st, 2008 at 6:14 pmWell if that ain’t just the biggest heapin’ bucket o’ irony right there: Blogger A posting a diatribe bitching negatively ABOUT Blogger B’s (in this case, Dooce’s) “negativity.”
My biggest commenter-peeve, as you well know, Rachel, is the GODDAMNED LITERALISTS. Almost every “bad” comment/flame is traceable to some jerk taking a post literally and nitpicking shit to death. And that is just so not fun OR funny, regardless of whether the original post is a rant or a dog post or whatever. Literalists suck. I think they’re kinda stoopit, myself.
God I hope I didn’t just do that myself.
August 3rd, 2008 at 6:30 am