I misunderestimated Palin.
The official Sunny Lucas Interpretative Rendering of my reaction to last night’s debate and pretty much everyone else’s that I’ve seen:
I thought Palin did a fantastic job, all things considered. She didn’t bumble or flounder, she didn’t say anything stupid (except mispronouncing that general’s name and the word nuclear), and she wasn’t even remotely intimidated by Biden or Ifill. Well played, ‘Cuda. Well played.
And I also have to admit that I really don’t loathe and fear Biden like I do most Democrat politicians. He’s just so durn likable even when he’s lying. Wait, I guess that means I should loathe and fear him MORE than usual. That thing he said about the cost of Afghanistan versus Iraq, for example? Bitch please. You’re off by 2000%.
Also, I didn’t detect any bullshit from Gwen Ifill, although not everyone agrees.
No time for more commentary; it’s Friday, the day of science lab hell. Just more links.
The Anchoress has a roundup of reactions. FactCheck has checked facts.
You know what’s fascinating? Reading analysis of this thing by “the others.” For example, Bob Shrum:
Tonight she barely kept up…
…With America facing two wars and economic disaster, Americans ask if a candidate is up to the job.
By any rational assessment, Palin wasn’t tonight — and hasn’t been any time she’s not reading a teleprompter.
…At least as important, or more, was that Joe Biden did a superb job.
He cannot possibly be serious. You want to talk about teleprompters, Mr. Obama Voter? Don’t make me laugh.
And the ever-nutty Arianna Huffington:
After watching this debate, I am convinced that if the country somehow has a collective mental meltdown and elects Sarah Palin, she will be even more dangerous than Cheney.
…Throughout the entire 90-minute debate, Palin came across as an over-wound windup doll, sporting a pasted-on-smile expression that never varied, except when she winked. Which she did repeatedly — and pathetically. It was the folksiest appearance since Hee-Haw went off the air.
Just, wow. The different filters people see things through, it’s fascinating.
All right, I gotta go, have fun playing with yourselves. I’ll be titrating an acid with a base to determine the endpoint of neutralization. Don’t be jealous.
I think that Jonah Goldberg nailed Biden’s bullshit factor on display. His stunning ability to make up stuff and deliver it as “God, how can you possibly not know this?” punchlines is something that I actually admire, although I’m loathe to admit. Anyway,here’s Jonah speaking in Biden’s voice (I won’t say parody because it’s too close to the truth):
Palin was good last night. This was the person that I had become familiar with the last year or so. And I’m beyond pissed off at the McCain camp for sequestering this person for the last month. If he had let her loose following the debate, this race might already be over. Instead, Maverick’s crap campaign is now facing an uphill struggle into a serious headwind. It’s almost like the little douchebag would rather have friends in the Senate than be president.
October 3rd, 2008 at 9:00 amESTEven the most neutral of observers would have to call this debate a draw. But considering the low expectations of Gov. Palin I think she pretty much knocked it out of the park. And how Biden just keeps throwing out lie after lie and gets away with it is unbelievable. If there were to be another VP debate I think Gov. Palin would be confident enough to start calling him on his bullshit. If only…
October 3rd, 2008 at 9:05 amESTBiden has his head so far up Soros’ ass he can see Obamas shoes. h/t bathroom wall
October 3rd, 2008 at 9:15 amESTI just remembered one of the things Biden did that pissed me off - he kept putting words in McCain’s mouth. He caught himself a couple of times and said ‘well, he didn’t say this, but I know he would say something like this’. That’s just wrong.
October 3rd, 2008 at 9:21 amESTUhh…I’m at work right now. Maybe later.
[sorry]
October 3rd, 2008 at 9:39 amESTHi Rachel - just remember that if you are not part of the solution, you are part of the precipitate. Happy titrating.
Sarah gives me hope.
October 3rd, 2008 at 9:41 amESTI fell asleep a half-hour in. I was hoping for some entertainment given how both candidates public appearances have usually been pretty abysmal since being tapped. But, no… Fairly obvious questions, expected responses, unexpected lack of funny gaffes. How lame.
Objectively - as objective as I’m willing to be, anyway - they were on equal footing in their performances. Which is to say, they were “okay”, but I doubt seriously it would have changed anyone’s mind, undecided or not.
October 3rd, 2008 at 9:44 amESTI think she exceeded expectations. I was a little disappointed that she didn’t get some jabs in where she could have, but overall she did a great job
October 3rd, 2008 at 9:44 amEST
October 3rd, 2008 at 9:49 amESTWhat’s the quote from The Hunt for Red October (movie version)?
“I’m a politician. That means that when I’m not kissing babies, I’m thinking about ways to steal their lollipops.” Makes me think of “Say it ain’t so, Bluetooth Joe.”
And I’m glad that I have Bob Shrum around, and Huffington. Without them to tell me how sorry Sarah is, I’d probably think that she was pretty good.
Aw, I got things to do.
October 3rd, 2008 at 9:50 amESTHuffnpuff must be channeling Naomi Wolf. I heard that dimbulb interviewed by Denise Prager yesterday. God must love fools and putty thinkers as he made so many, Wolf being the top bananna. She claims that a McCain/Palin presidency would mean that this is the last truely American election, that Palin is the harbinger of the Cheney/Rove overthrow of democracy in America and that Bush has all the debris from the WTC shipped to China thus disturbing a crime scene for nefarious reasons. What. A. Dolt.
October 3rd, 2008 at 9:53 amESTI don’t believe that Bob Shrum has ever been right about anything.
He doesn’t even come up to the broken clock standard.
October 3rd, 2008 at 9:55 amESTYou should be flogged for that comment. However, if we’re going to do puns, I’ll play:
Said the fisherman’s wife: “Not tonight, dear. I have a haddock.“
October 3rd, 2008 at 10:03 amESTUrgh, physics geek.
“In democracy it’s your vote that counts. In feudalism it’s your count that votes.”
Or maybe:
“I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.”
October 3rd, 2008 at 10:12 amESTSarah Palin was superb! Not surprising, since this time her performance was LIVE, UNCUT, wasn’t on videotape, and then cleverly cut and spliced with the malignant intention of convincing the world she is an ignorant airhead.
My one fear is that the networks will cut and splice snippets of it, and “edit” it for the delectation of the normal, non-political population, who will accept this version as the truth. I also fear that as the memory of this debate recedes, even conservatives will once again be suckered into believing that she is a stammering dummy.
So, call me an alarmist. But for now, I am very pleased.
October 3rd, 2008 at 10:16 amESTI watched the debate with my husband, who is not as passionate about the McCain/Palin ticket as I am, and we actually came to the same conclusion. Both candidates last night delivered exactly what their party needed. Palin came off as intelligent, personable, and tenacious. She did a great job pointing out several issues where Biden and Obama don’t agree, major points that have in the past been strengths for Obama. Biden is definitely the brains and experience of his ticket,demonstrated by his quick use of many not-so-factual facts. Sarah not only held her own, she scored some major victories. It was a good night to be a republican. Now my husband and I are off to sway some fence sitters at work onto our side.
October 3rd, 2008 at 10:29 amESTIf msm wants to move along now, I consider that a home run for Gov. Palin. As far as low expectations….the gaffe machine and a corrupt moderator…those are low expectations.
October 3rd, 2008 at 10:39 amESTBiden came off as likable and authoritative and I’m a Republican. Some of you people need to look at things outside of your own perceptions and simply acknowledge Palin came off as uptight and scripted. It could have been worse.
Biden lied? Big deal, nobody except maybe a couple hundred bloggers is going to have the patience to sift through the facts to determine if Biden was lying or not. Facts are variable nowadays anyway and who yells the loudest and longest is right.
October 3rd, 2008 at 10:40 amESTSee, I used “misunderestimated” in a blog post, and my husband thought it was stupid. I’m going to point him to this post and say, “SEE? Rachel Lucas thinks it’s funny.”
I think Sarah vastly exceeded the low expectations both sides had set for her, and now Obama and Joe are scratching their heads and wondering what to do next. Their conversation this morning probably went something like this.
October 3rd, 2008 at 10:41 amEST
October 3rd, 2008 at 10:41 amESTAre you serious? To me he came off as smarmy and dull. After a while, all I could hear was “Blah, blah, blah, Obama blah, blah, blah, blah, ME! blah, blah, ME! blah, blah, blah, Obama blah, blah, blah, blah, McCain BAD blah, blah, blah, and blah.
October 3rd, 2008 at 10:45 amESTYeah, Bob Shrum, he of the craptacular campaign management business, Mr. 0-for-how many elections? Has he not seen Barry Ostumbles tripping over his own tongue when deprived of his teleprompter? It is to laugh.
And Arianna Huffington is a dirty whore. Literally. She sold herself to the Left late in the Clinton administration when she realized she could make money on slamming conservatives and playing nice with Bill Maher. And speaking for Hee-Haw fans everywhere (RIP, Buck), screw you, Bitch.
October 3rd, 2008 at 10:46 amESTRachel, I enjoyed watching the debate (which I thought I wouldn’t) along with people who commented on your open thread last night. It provided a give and take and a source of entertainment for me. Thank you for setting us up with it.
October 3rd, 2008 at 10:48 amESTSo you plan to drop some acid, Rach. I don’t blame you. After this week, I’m tempted to drop some myself. God must hate stockbrokers. Oh well, my dog and my wife still love me.
October 3rd, 2008 at 10:49 amESTJoe Biden has taken to heart the maxim -
“It’s not a lie if you truely believe what you said”
October 3rd, 2008 at 10:50 amESTWell the big criticism of the left right now is Palin was rehearsed and I’d have to agree that she did sound rehearsed. That does not, however, diminish the substance of what she said.
Besides she wasn’t completely rehearsed. Palin provided the best off the cuff remark of the night when she was asked about something she had said about being V.P.
The remark is about 1:11:45 in on the you tube posting of the debate. Ifill asks both Palin and Biden about remarks they made regarding the vice presidency. Palin’s was that someone would have to explain to her everyday what it is a vice president does and Biden’s was that he said he would not be the V.P. under any circumstances. Palin said:
“My comment was a lame attempt at a joke and your comment [looking towards Biden] was a lame attempt at a joke too, I guess, because nobody got it.”
That was a rather witty burn from someone who was rehearsed.
October 3rd, 2008 at 10:52 amEST“thought Palin did a fantastic job, all things considered. She didn’t bumble or flounder, she didn’t say anything stupid (except mispronouncing that general’s name and the word nuclear), and she wasn’t even remotely intimidated by Biden or Ifill. Well played, ‘Cuda. Well played”
she kicked his ass
October 3rd, 2008 at 11:22 amESTShe passed on the first opportunity to nail the dems feet to the floor on the first question regarding the so called economic crisis. Instead she gave her rehearsed answer and let Bush take the lumps for it again. I don’t think she or McCain have the hair for this. They won’t go toe to toe with Obama or Biden on anything. There’s so much dirt out there right now on Obama that they could bury him in it standing up, but they’re playing all nicey-nicey. I’m tired of hearing about “John McCain is a maverick” or “I’m just an American mom”. I wanna hear Obama screaming from being skewered. Ain’t gonna happen. McCain/Palin is treating this like the apple pie baking contest at the county fair. I hope they balls up during the next few weeks, but I’m not making any book on that happening.
October 3rd, 2008 at 11:30 amESTUh, Arianna, be careful about projecting.
October 3rd, 2008 at 11:46 amESTI remember that lab many years ago- the trick is to go slow once you get close to 7 pH otherwise you’ll overshoot. Tedious, mind-numbingly boring lab- drip. Drip. Drip… why won’t it change color already dammit…
Boring unless you can con your lab partner into ingesting a bunch of phenolphalein- it’s a potent laxative.
October 3rd, 2008 at 11:50 amESTYou know not what you do, 14K:
===============================
These friars were behind on their belfry payments, so they opened up a small florist shop to raise funds. Since everyone liked to buy flowers from the men of God, a rival florist across town thought the competition was unfair. He asked the good fathers to close down, but they would not. He went back and begged the friars to close. They ignored him. So, the rival florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest and most vicious thug in town to”persuade” them to close. Hugh beat up the friars and trashed their store, saying he’d be back if they didn’t close up shop. Terrified, they did so, thereby proving that: Hugh, and only Hugh, can prevent florist friars.
October 3rd, 2008 at 12:09 pmESTI don’t know… I liked Hee Haw.
And now, everybody and his hick brother will be picturing Palin in Daisy-duke style gear…
October 3rd, 2008 at 12:11 pmESTJim Geraghty has a partial list of Biden’s “Hallucinations” (he’s too kind to call them “lies” - heh!) here. My personal favorite:
And a commenter from that Delaware site:
October 3rd, 2008 at 12:12 pmESTAnd one more, because I can’t resist:
October 3rd, 2008 at 12:12 pmEST
October 3rd, 2008 at 12:15 pmESTAs a happily married man, it would be wrong of me to say that I really, really like that view. So I won’t, not so far as you know.
October 3rd, 2008 at 12:16 pmESTPlaying with ourselves means we can go off-topic, si? How about Whittle’s new NRO essay, “Cowboys and Secret Agents“?
October 3rd, 2008 at 12:18 pmESTHEH! Love that one!
Teh geekgauntlet … she is thrown!
(But I do have to go give a lecture in a few minutes … so … I’m not ignoring you and will stun you with my groanery wit upon my return)
“A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.”
“Don’t join dangerous cults: Practice safe sects!”
AND FINALLY …
“It is believed that the Apostle Paul wrote some of his epistles while imprisoned. However, it was only recently discovered how these messages were smuggled out of the jail. Somehow, Paul obtained a bow and arrow from a guard. He would attach his epistle to the arrow’s shaft. Then, he would launch it through a window. Outside, a disciple collected and delivered the epistles. It was the birth of …
… the first guided missive.”
_________________________________________________
South Park, Cesar Milan and the untameable Lipsticked Pitbull!!
October 3rd, 2008 at 12:24 pmESTPet peeve time:
Saying “nookyular” isn’t a mark of stupidity; it’s a mark of a regional pronunciation, or what we might call an “accent”.
Dwight Eisenhower wasn’t stupid for saying it like that, nor - despite being deeply wrong about any number of other things - was James Earl Carter, or Bill Clinton (who, despite being sleazy and a born politician, is not a stupid man).
Nor Nixon and Ford, who also pronounced the word in that manner, according to Der Internets. (Again, Nixon was a bastard and at least an accomplice to crime, but not dumb.)
It’s like calling Kennedy stupid for saying “cah” or “chowdah”, or the same as coastal urban leftist derision for people who like to shoot or like having a yard - using an irrelevant cultural or linguistic marker as a proxy for intelligence, when there’s simply no relation.
October 3rd, 2008 at 12:26 pmESTI watched and was pleased. Sarah did a fine job and Joe didn’t.
When will the chanting start . . “Biden lied - Campaign died”?
As to saying words one way or another, get angry at everybody who say Feb-U-Ary instead of Feb-Ru-Ary, or Wends-Day instead of Wed-Nes-Day.
It reminds me of the Steve Martin quote - “Those French - They have a different word for everything”
October 3rd, 2008 at 12:37 pmESTI sincerely hope so, because I just have to bring up O’Reilly’s interview with Barney Frank last night. Here’s the video (via Hot Air), and the transcript is here.
I usually can’t stand O’Reilly, but this was. . . refreshing!
October 3rd, 2008 at 12:39 pmESTAfter watching the debate last night, I am convinced that Palin uses that pronounciation of nuclear deliberately. She paused just a fraction of a second before saying it, then looked like she was trying not to grin. At one point late in the debate, the word slipped out in the “correct” pronounciation before she realized it. I really think she’s doing it on purpose. For what reason, I don’t know.
October 3rd, 2008 at 12:42 pmESTMore? Okay, more:
“I couldn’t quite remember how to throw a boomerang, but eventually it came back to me.”
“Show me a piano falling down a mineshaft and I’ll show you A-flat minor.”
“What did the grape say when it got stepped on? Nothing - but it let out a little whine.”
“When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.”
“The butcher backed up into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work.”
=============================================
See you later today. I-actually- have work to do myself.
October 3rd, 2008 at 12:47 pmESTI lied. Here’s one more that I posted at my place some time ago, which people, for some reason, seemed to hate:
October 3rd, 2008 at 12:49 pmESTI am thrilled with Palin’s performance … though I wish she’d have gone a little harder at Joe a few times.
I still have some hope that they will pull this out. We’ll see. I sent a “message” via the McCain website to let Sarah OFF LEASH. If they try to keep her in the back ground I think they are screwed.
I also could not believe how much Joe tried to bring up Bush/Cheney. Does he not realize that he isn’t running against them?
His teeth are fake right?
October 3rd, 2008 at 12:57 pmESTOK, I’ll play Physics Geek’s and 14k’s game too. I only know one, so I guess I won’t play for long:
“A family of tomatoes was walking down the street at a pretty good clip. The youngest kept lagging behind and the father finally went back there and squashed him. ‘Ketchup!’ Dad yelled.”
October 3rd, 2008 at 1:00 pmESTReno says:
except someone already did.
October 3rd, 2008 at 1:04 pmESTArianna’s been all pissy ever since she turned her husband gay.
October 3rd, 2008 at 1:05 pmESTcasto:
don’t know about the teeth, but apparently his face was all Botoxed.
October 3rd, 2008 at 1:05 pmESTI don’t remember a great deal of Hee Haw, since I was just a little kid when my dad and my granny would watch it, but I remember thinking it was funny.
Some of these puns are really bad, guys.
Not that that stops me from laughing at them, or anything. Just saying…
October 3rd, 2008 at 1:07 pmESTMy husband asks: how can Sarah Palin be as dangerous as Cheney if she’s such a dummy?
I guess it’s the same way Bush can be an evil mastermind and a drooling moron simultaneously.
October 3rd, 2008 at 1:11 pmESTUgh. I have a comment awaiting moderation.
October 3rd, 2008 at 1:14 pmESTThat question is RACIST!!!
October 3rd, 2008 at 1:14 pmESTTwo vampires went on vacation to Venice. They had been sight-seeing and were getting hungry, so they hid near one of the canals and waited.
A young couple came by and the vampires jumped on them, sucked them dry, and threw the bodies into the canal. Still hungry and figuring they had found a good spot, they resumed waiting.
Another young couple strolled by and again the vampires pounced, draining the life from them and tossing them into the canal.
A third couple came by and the process repeated itself. This time one of the vampires heard something from below. The two of them looked over the rail and down into the canal.
Below them was a very happy alligator singing:
‘Drained Wops keep falling on my head.’
October 3rd, 2008 at 1:15 pmESTGood thing the bailout bill included mental health benefits. I believe the Left is going to be using a lot of them.
But as far as the actual value of the obviously delusional comments about Palin, well, the debate got a 45 share, which was 43% higher than the last weeks debate. Seems for all the published opinion, many Americans decided to see for themselves. Good thing Palin bypassed the MSM filter and spoke directly to them.
October 3rd, 2008 at 1:16 pmESTLong ago, a witch decided to open a little tea shop. Being cheap, she discovered that she could reuse her tea bags, and no one seemed to notice. She kept reusing them over and over until people stopped coming to her shop, she went broke and she died penniless.
The moral: Honest tea is the best philosophy.
October 3rd, 2008 at 1:26 pmESTHopefully this won’t be a double post due to moderation. Here’s one more that I posted at my place some time ago, which people, for some reason, seemed to hate:
October 3rd, 2008 at 1:27 pmESTAarggh! Sorry about two comments in moderation, Rachel. Your software must really dislike something inside of them.
October 3rd, 2008 at 1:27 pmESTA bun is the lowest form of wheat!
(moar bns plz — nomnomnom! — kthxbai!)
October 3rd, 2008 at 1:36 pmESTOT
If you thought those little brainwashed kids singing hymns to Obama was creepy, check this out: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rUEQz5dltmI
A cadre of youths spontaneously who all happened to be dressed in para-military uniforms burst into a carefully choreographed spontaneous para-military salute to the Annointed One.
October 3rd, 2008 at 1:42 pmESTI thought Biden looked weird. His eyes were pulled way up and strangely slanty, and his forehead was shiny smooth. The space between his eyes didn’t budge either. He couldn’t even squeeze out his tears when he tried to have a tender “Hillary weepy moment”. (You know a candidate is losing when he has to resort to tears to score a point.) That man had a serious botch job on cosmetic procedures. He looked weirder than John Kerry. Ok, so I was a little distracted by Joetox’s attempt to look more youthful next to a fresh and vibrant Palin. Who can blame him? He just needs a refund.
October 3rd, 2008 at 1:44 pmESTMy problem with these acid-base titrations is that I’m slightly color-blind in red, and so I could never tell when the phenolphthalein started to turn pink. By the time I could tell, I was well past the mark. But you know, if you apply the class material you should have a pretty good idea just how much it will take, so you can squirt a whole bunch in until you’re a millilitre or so short, and then start the drip-drip-drip. One mil is only twenty drops, so it shouldn’t take too long.
October 3rd, 2008 at 1:52 pmEST“It was the folksiest appearance since Hee-Haw went off the air.”
That from Arianna — Lisa Douglas — Huffington.
October 3rd, 2008 at 1:53 pmESTOK, comment zapped into mod so I’ll try this again a bit later.
In my humble opinion, Palin knocked this one out of the park. She’s been on the national stage for all of 5 weeks and not only held her own against a man who’s spent 35 years in the Senate and undertook 2 Presidential bids, but kept him on the defensive. Poor, pathetic Gaffe-o-matic Biden is an old hack politician who likes the taste of his own feet. He’s running on Obama’s vapid ticket of Hopeychanginess (tra la la) and yet emphatically declared “I WILL NOT CHANGE.” Yeah, he was rattled - you could tell.
Anyways, THAT was the Sarahcuda I love. She spoke past the moderator and Biden and spoke directly to the American people. She had a message to get out and did an effective job of conveying it.
I would’ve liked to see her take on Obama’s ties to terrorists, his ties to the Freddie and Fannie debacle (although I think that’s coming as soon as the bailout is a done deal), and his outright neglect of military matters (except to meddle in Iraq and try to get them to stall on their troop withdrawal plans so that he could get credit for it instead of Bush. That meddling is tantamount to treason in my book. But he’s a socialist so what can I expect?) both in Iraq AND Afghanistan. He’s been dead wrong on every military issue and everyone knows it. He should OWN it and not be such a whiny pussy about it.
Obama blows with the wind; he’s a narcissist on a power trip - in this for the adulation, worship, and power. I hate when he plays the race card - it’s disgusting. He’s a puling divider - unity, my ass - schooled in the marxist social manipulation of Saul Alinksky.
Obama can take his marxist ACORN “community organizer” tactics and shove ‘em up Lenin’s formaldehyde ass.
October 3rd, 2008 at 2:02 pmESTI wonder when Para will show up to remind us all of what a “dummy” Palin is, since we obviously don’t understand what REALLY happened last night.
October 3rd, 2008 at 2:18 pmESTOh Dear GAWDDDDD PLEASE tell me this was a total set up!!!!!!!!! I am feeling seriously ill. Oh my Lord in Heaven above!
October 3rd, 2008 at 2:21 pmESTLate to the game here on this one, but did Mr. Biden say that he goes to Home Depot?
When did they start selling arugula at Home Depot?
October 3rd, 2008 at 2:24 pmESTAriana Huffington.
A real paragon of class and taste.
I recall seeing her knock over an entire bank of microphones when she bum rushed them to take control of them before Arnold S., at a pre-election event in California.
He and Maria looked horrified and amused at the same time.
Too funny.
October 3rd, 2008 at 2:32 pmESTpookleblinky, (like the name, BTW) I saw part of that clip and was horrified. I couldn’t hear everything they were saying because my kid *really* felt like singing and the laptop’s volume only goes so high. But what little I could make out was creeeeeeeepy. I meant to go back to it later after my boy was through with his serenading of his matchbox cars, but I forgot about it. Maybe that’s just as well…
I’d be very interested to know who organized and choreographed that little routine.
October 3rd, 2008 at 2:32 pmESTTwo carrots were at the side of a busy road. One carrot decides to cross and is hit by a car. The ambulance comes and takes the carrot to the hospital. In the waiting room the other carrot waits for news. The doctor finally comes out.
“I have good news and I have bad news,” the doctor says. “The good news is, your friend is going to make it. The bad news is that he is going to be a vegetable for the rest of his life.”
Remember to tip your waitress!
October 3rd, 2008 at 2:33 pmESTHEH! physics geek, your posts were caught in the “groaner” filter … LOVE them … NICE ONES MONGO and MAYA! HEH!
THE LONG:
A sailor was driven off course by a storm, and smashed into a small island. The next morning, he awoke on the beach. The sand and sky were reddish.
Walking around in a daze, the sailor saw red birds, red grass, red trees and red bananas. He was shocked to find that even his skin was reddish.
“Oh, noooooo!” he exclaimed.
“I’m marooned!”
THE SHORT:
“A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.”
“Atheism is a non-prophet organization.”
THE UDDERLY INANE!
“Did you hear that NASA recently put a bunch of Holsteins into low earth orbit? They called it the herd shot ’round the world.”
Rachel’s gonna BAN us if we keep this up … totally worth it … off to seminar lecture #2 …
HEH!
October 3rd, 2008 at 2:34 pmESTAnd who the hell is Ariana to dare say that anyone else’s diction or accent sounds funny?
Pure projection on her part.
October 3rd, 2008 at 2:36 pmESTPookle, I just watched that vid all the way through. Combine that with the ecclesiastical singing tweeners and Obama’s plan for a mandatory civilian corp and I am officially creeped the fuck out.
October 3rd, 2008 at 2:37 pmESTSunny’s smiling face made my day.
October 3rd, 2008 at 2:41 pmEST“She was only a whisky maker but he loved her still.”
“I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.”
“What is the difference between a nicely dressed man on a tricycle and a poorly dressed man on a bicycle? A tire.”
I get the distinct feeling that Rachel is warming up the banhammer right now.
October 3rd, 2008 at 2:42 pmESTHey, this is what she gets for taking a class on Friday….
October 3rd, 2008 at 2:44 pmESTAnd just because I cannot help myself:
October 3rd, 2008 at 2:44 pmESTRegarding pronouncing nuclear incorrectly as “nu-cu-lar” it is apparently somewhat standard in the military to pronounce it that way when you are referring to the weapons and to pronounce it correctly when referring to anything else (like nuclear power). That surfaced a bit in right-wing media, but not in the main-stream media when folks made fun of W for doing the same.
October 3rd, 2008 at 2:46 pmESTSee http://people.ischool.berkeley.edu/~nunberg/nucular.html
A Czechoslovakian man decided he wanted to spend his vacation hunting grizzly bears. He bought some hunting gear, scheduled a flight to Canada, and, because he was smarter than the average Czechoslovakian, hired a pair of Indian guides to teach him how to hunt grizzlies.
While out hunting, the hunter and his guides found two sets of grizzly tracks. One from a female, and one from a big giant whopper of a male grizzly. They followed the tracks to a cave and the hunter asked the Indian guides what they should do next.
Indian guide #1 said they should smoke the bears out. Indian guide #2 said the smoke would hide the bears and the hunter wouldn’t get a decent shot before they ran off. He told the hunter to go into the cave and shoot the bears while they slept.
The hunter decided Indian guide #2 was right, took his rifle, and entered the cave. After about 15 minutes the Indian guides heard snarling, screaming, and gunshots. They realized one of the bears had eaten the hunter and they decided they should retrieve the hunter’s remains and send them back to his family. The only problem was, they didn’t know which of the two grizzlies had eaten him and they now only had one rifle between them. They would only have time to shoot one grizzly before the other ran off into the forest.
Indian guide #2 argued that the bigger and nastier male had probably eaten the hunter and they started smoking the bears out. After a long time both bears came running out of the cave. Indian guide #1 took aim at the male grizzly and shot him dead while the female disappeared into the trees. The Indian guides got out their hunting knives and started cutting open the bear’s stomach, only to find that the hunter was not inside!
Indian guide #1 looked at Indian guide #2 and sighed.
“I knew I shouldn’t have believed you when you said the Czech was in the male.”
***********
That’s the first joke my dad ever taught me.
October 3rd, 2008 at 2:58 pmESTAnd then there was the optometrist who fell into his lens grinder and made a spectacle of himself.
* * * *
Two Americans were walking the English country side looking for work when they came across the quaint rural village of Chow.
As they walked the tree lined streets they noticed a family burying a dog in the front yard. After diging the hole, the family lowered the beloved pet in head first, and refilled the hole leaving the tail sticking out.
Thinking this odd, the two Americans walked further down the street, where they saw the same act being performed by a young man in his twenties. The Americans became quite disturbed by seeing it a second time.
Continuing on, they saw two elderly gentleman in the next block lower their cat headfirst into a hole, leaving the tail sticking out as they back filled the hole.
The Americans were now totally perplexed and needed to find out what was going on. So they approached the two elderly gentlemen and inquired “Pardon me, Chow sirs, can’t you bury tails?”
* * * *
I read a book about the great Indian religous leader Ghandi. I found there were so many things about this mystical spiritual leader that I had never known. For example Ghandi never wore shoes and walked everywhere he went, leaving his feet thickly calloused. Ghandi also was a vegan, shunning all food products derived from animals. This lack of calcium in his diet left him with very brittle bones. And due to the constant intake of vegetables, he was left with chronic bad breath.
October 3rd, 2008 at 3:18 pmESTAs I pondered these things, it came to me the Ghandi was a super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
Titration: drip, baby, drip!
October 3rd, 2008 at 3:25 pmESTOkay, I’m laughing like a fricking LOON — my department chair just poked his head in and asked me if I need a vacation …. every one just gets better and better, all of ya’!
BWAHAHAHA! I’m cracking myself up, here … need alcohol, STAT!!!
AWESOMENESS!
October 3rd, 2008 at 3:51 pmESTHey Rachel, I double dog dare ya to top this
October 3rd, 2008 at 4:02 pmESTDamn right! The term is NOT “dummy,” it’s “Mannequin-American“!
October 3rd, 2008 at 4:05 pmESTYes. Because she’s a better shot. And it won’t be an accident.
October 3rd, 2008 at 4:24 pmESTFargus needs the HGA!
October 3rd, 2008 at 4:28 pmESTRatio of an igloo’s circumference to its diameter = Eskimo pi
2000 pounds of Chinese soup = won ton
1 millionth of a mouthwash = 1 microscope
Weight an evangelist carries with God = 1 billigram
Time it takes to sail 220 yards at 1 nautical mile per hour = knot-furlong
16.5 feet in the Twilight Zone = 1 Rod Serling
Half of a large intestine = 1 semicolon
1000 aches = 1 kilohurtz
Basic unit of laryngitis = 1 hoarsepower
Shortest distance between two jokes = a straight line.
453.6 graham crackers = 1 pound cake
1 million microphones = 1 megaphone
1 million bicycles = 2 megacycles
2000 mockingbirds = Two kilomockingbirds
10 cards = 1 decacards
1 kilogram of falling figs = 1 Fig Newton
1000 cubic centimeters of wet socks = 1 literhosen
1 millionth of a fish = 1 microfiche
1 trillion pins = 1 terrapin
10 rations = 1 decoration
100 rations = 1 C-ration
3 statute miles of intravenous surgical tubing at Yale University Hospital = 1 I.V. League
10 millipedes = 1 centipede
3 1/3 tridents = 1 decadent
2 monograms = 1 diagram
8 nickels = 2 paradigms
2 wharves = 1 paradox
October 3rd, 2008 at 4:52 pmESTredhead:
concerning your ongoing problem of comments in moderation, I had the same problem using my work computer over the last few days. I got a new computer, so IP address and all the settings were different, and every single comment I left here was put into moderation. I decided to “allow cookies” in whichever settings panel that’s in, and now my comments go right through. So, I don’t know if Rachel changed something in the last few days, or if allowing cookies did it.
October 3rd, 2008 at 5:18 pmEST14K and Physics Geek, what the heck IS this - bad joke Friday?? Love ‘em! Cracking up here..
Thanks, I needed a good laugh after a shitehouse week.
October 3rd, 2008 at 5:18 pmESTMannequin-Americans…love education…so they go to night school…and take Mannish…and get a B…
October 3rd, 2008 at 5:18 pmESTone last pun I just remembered. I made it up when I was in 4th grade, for my friend Assyah (can’t remember how to spell her name).
“knock knock.
who’s there?
Assyah.
Assyah who?
Assyah later!”
what. That’s good for a nine year old! knock-knock joke + bad pun = pure awesomeness!
October 3rd, 2008 at 5:21 pmESTHOLIDAY:
A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. “But why?” they asked, as they moved off. “Because,” he said, “I can’t stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer.”
TRAVEL:
Two vultures board an airplane, each carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at them and says, “I’m sorry, gentlemen, only one carrion allowed per passenger.”
MEDICAL:
Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal? He wanted to transcend dental medication.
WHAT A MAROON …!
October 3rd, 2008 at 5:22 pmESTJoe Biden went up to Alaska to see what the people up there do for amusement during the long winters. He happened upon a couple of fellas crouched beside a hole in the ice that was ringed with fresh green peas. “What are you guys doing?” asked Joe. “We’re hunting polar bears.” Joe asks, “You don’t have any guns or weapons of any kind, so how do you expect to bag a bear?” The two fellas looked at each other and said…”when the bear comes up to take a pea, we kick him in the ce hole.”
October 3rd, 2008 at 5:27 pmESTI’m going to try to start pronouncing it “nu-cu-lar” just because it seems to piss liberals off.
October 3rd, 2008 at 6:58 pmESTPG … dude *shakes head sadly*
HEH!
Morris — I disavow all knowledge of how this madness began … : )
WORKING:
October 3rd, 2008 at 7:13 pmESTWell, I’m not a liberal, and nu-cu-lar irks me, too. But I didn’t know about this:
so I’m going to lighten up about it.
Love the puns!
October 3rd, 2008 at 7:29 pmEST“Yes. Because she’s a better shot. And it won’t be an accident.”
think she might take Pelosi,Reid,Kerry and Hillary on a hunting trip?
October 3rd, 2008 at 7:43 pmESTI just hope that the “Champ” made a self fulfilling prophecy when he said, “I will not be Vice President under any circumstances”. “God love ‘em.”
October 4th, 2008 at 6:23 amESTIn the words of Mark Steyn (and I am paraphrasing, but this is the gist)there used to be this thing called facts… now solid facts - if not backing up a liberal point of view - are jeered at as merely being someone’s opinion and a social construct.
Will America wake up? Will it revolt against all the PC, do-what-you-want bullsh*t? Overthrow the guys (and women) who expect you to sit there and take their ludicrous crap? I hope so. But in this age of the children and grandchildren of boomers, self-interest and being lazy when it comes to standing up for real values is the way of life.
Stop driving hummers, assholes. “No! I like them and it makes me look cool.”
Get a job closer to home so you don’t make that 4 hour drive sucking up gas.
“But it pays $75 an hour and I LIKE making lots of money and waking up at 4 in the morning to drive to work!”
You see… self interest does this. If people had brains, they’d tell Bush and all the oil men to get stuffed and buy smaller cars and stop playing into their hands. But no… that would be too much of an inconvenience and their image would suffer. So they keep on. And as long as half of the country is dumb enough to buy SUVs and Hummers and make 2 hour long drives to work and pay exhorbitant prices, the politicians will keep on. The rest of us who have a brain and no money left, we get jacked.
October 4th, 2008 at 6:56 amESTNyah nyah nya-nyaaaah nyah!
October 4th, 2008 at 10:19 amEST