And the Mother of the Year Award …
It’s a confession few mothers would ever make. But here, one woman asks… So why can’t I LOVE my own daughter?
Shelley Price can’t stop the tears from falling as she makes her startling confession.
…Shelley is about to admit to one of the great taboos of motherhood. No matter how hard she has tried, she says she can’t bring herself to love her elder daughter, Catherine.
‘I know what people will think. Everyone will hate me. I’m the woman who doesn’t like her own child. But I’m speaking out because I’m convinced I’m not alone,’ says the 33-year-old.
‘I hate myself for the way I feel, but whatever it is that makes a mum want to hug and kiss her child, I have not felt it. Catherine has always felt like someone else’s daughter.’
Shelley had Catherine, now 11, when she was just 22, with her first long-term boyfriend. The five-year relationship ended shortly after Catherine’s birth.
Yet instead of forming a tight-knit unit with her baby, Shelley didn’t feel any maternal warmth.
What makes her admission all the more difficult to comprehend is that she is a model mother to her two-year-old daughter, Poppy, by her current partner, Andrew.
‘…when the midwives put Catherine into my arms, I felt nothing at all,’ says Shelley.
‘She didn’t feel like my own flesh and blood. She felt dirty. I know I shouldn’t have cared. Like all newborns, she wasn’t all pink and peachy.
‘But I did not want to touch her. I didn’t even want to look at her. I asked the nurse to take her away and clean her. I know it sounds awful, but I just wanted to have a shower and forget all about it.
‘It was obvious that something wasn’t right from the start. That first night, I sat there emotionless from 10pm until 7am with Catherine in my arms, waiting for this love to hit me but it never happened.
‘Months and years went by and those feelings never came.
…Shelley tried desperately to summon up maternal feelings.
‘I did hug Catherine, but it was always half-hearted. I always told her I loved her but I never really felt it or meant it.
‘If she fell over and hurt her ready self, I’d pick her up. But I would put her down just as quickly.
‘I didn’t feel any warmth when I was hugging her and I’m sure she knew my heart wasn’t in it.
‘I went through the motions because I was so determined to be a good mum and didn’t want Catherine to suffer.
‘I don’t remember any of the landmarks, such as when she said her first words or got her first tooth, even though I can recall all those stages for Poppy without thinking.
‘I can’t think of a single moment in Catherine’s life that has made me feel like a proud mother.
‘I can’t lie – I don’t remember anything that has made me feel like a mother should.
‘Until I had Poppy, I hadn’t realised how bad I’d been to her.’Shelley shudders at the memory of Catherine, as a toddler, pleading for affection.
‘Like babies do, she would stretch up her arms to me, but I’d ignore her.’
Okay. I don’t have children and have never wanted them; don’t particularly like children; have no idea what it is like to be a mother; have no idea if anything this woman is saying is normal or understandable. So I’m not judging her for her feelings.
But I am judging her ASS off for her actions, one of which is “feeling” all of this publicly, using her and Catherine’s real names, and letting the Daily Mail feature a full-length photograph of the kid. Jesus Christ, lady! You trying to win an award for most massive and humiliating invasion of a child’s privacy?
There’s a protocol for this kind of shit. If something regarding a child is very personal and possibly hurtful, but needs to be talked about to help other parents and children going through the same thing, it’s called anonymity. Fake names. Fake locations. No photographs.
The kid is already going to be so scarred by her bitch of a mother, now the whole world knows about it. Awesome. How very helpful.
And has she never heard of fake it ’til you make it? Sometimes adults have to do things they don’t like to do, for a greater good, and I’d say keeping a child from being emotionally damaged is a greater good than avoiding a hug or a cuddle because you just don’t enjoy it.
But mostly, good grief, why the public exposure? This is precisely my biggest complaint about the big famous mommybloggers, none of whom I will name but many of whom have books, are regularly on TV, and make a hell of an income with their blogs about their kids. Okay I’ll name one and that’s Dooce because I actually like her writing, but I just don’t get why she puts her kid out there like she does. I understand that mothers need to share and commiserate and know they’re not alone with the bad parts of motherhood; what I will never understand is doing that by telling the entire internet your kid’s real name and your kid’s biggest flaws, accompanied by photographs of your kid so that other bloggers can re-post those pics and talk about how ugly and retarded the kid looks. THANKS MOM. Hope you’ve got a therapy fund set up with some of that sweet advertising loot.
The mommybloggers get a lot of this sort of criticism, and their defense is always the same: we’re building a community. We’re sharing and helping each other through the trials of motherhood. Good for you ladies, but you could do that without using your kids’ real names or posting their pics.
I’m just saying. These kids have no say or control over any of it and it’s wrong to make that decision for them. I’d be pissed if my mom had done that to me. The thought that I could be sitting here now as an adult knowing that thousands of photos of me as a child were all over the internet, along with thousands of blog posts about my behavioral problems, temper tantrums, and pooping habits, makes me feel sick to my stomach. Privacy, people. Privacy.
What these parents are doing to their kids is no different than if they did it to other adults. It’d be like me taking pictures of Rupert every day and posting them here, along with his full real name, along with intimate details about every nuance of his personality and daily activities. WITHOUT EVEN ASKING HIM. Wouldn’t that be a gross invasion of privacy? And wrong and totally inappropriate? And if I were making hundreds of thousands of bucks a year doing all of this, wouldn’t that be blatant exploitation?
I don’t think he’d give much of a shit if I explained to him that I was doing it to help other wives, to build a community, and to entertain people and make them laugh.
Well. I feel better now. Have wanted to rant about this for a long time, and the article about the unloving mom set me off. It just confounds me how willing some people are to air the details of their personal lives – about children, especially – in front of the entire planet, with no concern for how it might affect the kid, when they could achieve the same goals (helping, sharing) while keeping the child anonymous.
Oh – my – God. I know that some people have labeled my generation as being selfish, but this – this is the epitome of selfishness. Poor me – I don’t feel right. Never mind the psycological damage I am doing to MY OWN FLESH. It’s all about ME.
I remember a line Keanu Reeves has in Parenthood, something to the effect of, you need to take a test and pass, to get a license to drive, but anyone can be a father.
So very sad.
Mommy of the Year cares about helping and sharing the way that Maggie cares about possum feelings. What she CARES about is getting a big, fat check and some attention. It would have been better for all parties if instead of being an attention-whore she was simply a whore. I swear it would be more honorable.
*steam coming out of ears*
Absolutely right. I don’t think this woman should be criticized for what she feels (or doesn’t), but she sure can not do things like this.
It would be horrible if you didn’t feel love for your kid and you couldn’t make yourself do so. But you can control what you say and do, and those actions are the real love that matters anyway, not so much what you feel.
I could barely read that excerpt without crying, so there’s no way in hell I’m reading the whole article. But, ARE YOU SERIOUS??? She used her daughter’s real name and picture for this story?!? Somebody please shoot this woman! I almost felt bad for her before I found out this detail. I went through postpartum depression with my first child, and a lot of what she mentioned sounds a lot like untreated PPD. She should have got therapy immediately, and if she could not resolve her issues after a few months, she should have just put the poor girl up for adoption. But of course that’s the past. What the fuck is she trying to accomplish now? Good God I have to go hug my kids now.
(did my comment get eaten by moderation?) cut-and-paste:
Mommy of the Year cares about helping and sharing the way that Maggie cares about possum feelings. What she CARES about is getting a big, fat check and some attention. It would have been better for all parties if instead of being an attention-whore she was simply a whore. I swear it would be more honorable.
*steam coming out of ears*
In a word, yes.
Michael,
Well put! The level of selfishness displayed by this woman boggles the mind. She’s figured out how to love her second child — lovely! — now how about showing at least as much kindness to the first one as she would show to a stranger!
Turns my stomach.
[edit: Okay, having now read the full article, I get that she’s reaching out to other mothers to encourage them to seek counseling if they see themselves in her story. Fine. Still doesn’t excuse the use of a photograph and real names, poor little kid! Actually, I’m fairly amazed that the paper did the story that way — no sense of responsibility toward that minor child, even if the mother is dumb enough to go public? Did the reporter or editor ever suggest anonymity? Sheesh!]
The best thing that could happen here is that that woman is NEVER allowed near either of these kids again. Which just punishes the kids. Maybe she’ll just drop dead from idiocy. Ok, so that would be the best thing. What a slime.
This stupid bitch is a media whore. (I mean that in a nice way)
And Dear God, why did she have ANOTHER child? Someone sterilize this moron stat!
There really is so much to say about this story, I will enjoy other commenters (commentators) on this site picking this twit apart.
Honestly, I’m actually more than happy to criticize her feelings, and you bet I have some issues with her actions. She’s a self-centered bitch who got knocked up by a guy she apparently wanted nothing to do with and now has a kid that constantly reminds her of that. Instead of focusing on the good that came out of it, though, she decided to take out her failed relationship on her child for her child’s entire life. Then, because she “needs support” or some other self-affirming nonsense, she decided to throw her child under the bus one more time and publicly declare her lack of love for her child. Nice.
Guess what? Some feelings don’t deserve affirmation. Some feelings should leave you feeling alone and shameful. If you feel like depriving your child of love for her entire life because you’re a self-centered twat, you don’t deserve affirmation. You should feel at least as alone as your daughter does.
/End rant
This story just breaks my heart. The mother could have shared this information with a therapist or close friends, but why did she feel the need to tell the whole world – and use real names. I blame Jerry Springer for convincing people that they need to air their dirty laundry in public. Is 15 minutes of fame worth showing everyone else what a stupid moron you are?
I am a mother, and it is true that both of my children have characteristics that I like or dislike. I have one child that has always been very easy-going and one that was just the opposite. That is life, and I deal with it. My MIL has always favored my husband over his brother. It has been hard on both brothers. My husband never enjoyed being the favorite. My MIL also favors our children over her other grandchildren. She once told me she planned to tell my son he was her favorite, when he was old enough to understand. I pleaded, cajoled and finally threatened to get her to change her mind. I am just glad we live far away from them.
So… maternal bonding does not immediately happen. It’s actually pretty normal to not instantly fall in love and be shimmering with happy love goodness when you really feel like massive horribleness and have for like 9 months.
However, for just about everyone, 2 months or so does it. And no, you don’t always feel oozing joy over your kids. Kids are annoying! They’re little barbarians who need to be tamed. They poop on you and bite you.
But yes — I don’t get anyone who spreads their kids all over the internet, talking about their private stuff. But to do that and say you don’t love your child?! WTF?!?!
Anyway, it’s all just selfishness. Me me me ME! So many people who aren’t grownups. They have a fight with their husband so they don’t love him and get a divorce. Their kid is annoying so they don’t love them and then whine about THEMSELVES. Crazy freaking people. Grow up and get a pair, people. Life isn’t all rainbows and ponies. And you know what? If she had a pony, she’d probably be too selfish to even love it. She would whine that her rainbow was missing purple and so she didn’t love it. Gah!
I agree with Karen, it totally sounds like untreated Post Partum Depression. It’s also the most narcissistic, cruel thing I’ve read in a long while. I can’t imagine why a mother would publicly proclaim her utter indifference toward her own daughter like that. Sick.
I hope the karma will bite her back in the ass… Maybe Catherine should have a tell all session about her mom, aka Cruella De Ville, and then the British’s nanny government probably will take the poor children away from their lovin’ mommy for their welfare.
My heart breaks for both of this woman’s children. I only pray that some good comes out of the mother’s public betrayal and exploitation by way of causing some persons who actually feel for the children to step in and fill the void of maternal affection and caring.
Dear God! One doesn’t have to be a mother or have maternal feelings in order to be capable of empathy with another human being — particularly an infant or toddler. I wonder whether this woman has had any psychological evaluation.
It is too easy to broadcast information for billions to see, permanently available. Would it kill these folks to THINK about the potential harm of what they are saying! Just because you CAN say something does not mean that you SHOULD. Even if a fancy reporter wants to hear it.
This kind of reminds me of the mother, during the Indonesian tsunami, who could not hold on to both of her children and let one go. Luckily, both children survived. She was interviewed, and said that she intentionally let one of the kids go. I am a mother of two — and I would have taken that choice to the grave. Never, never, never would I have admitted to choosing one child’s life over another.
Here it is: Jillian Searle
A mother of two children grabbed them and ran, only to be caught up by the rushing water. She felt if she didn’t let go of one of the children, she’d drown. “I knew I had to let go of one of them and I just thought I’d better let go of the one that’s the oldest,” she told Sky News. Thankfully, her older son was found safe two hours later, having survived by clinging to a door.
Gee thanks mom.
Since I’m a Father and some say pretty hard-hearted, I just can’t understand. If a child is reaching out to me, much less my own, how can you ignore that plea. I’ll tell you what this woman deserves and that’s someone like me…I divorce women, not my children. She has no idea how cold I can be. And even my own Mother wouldn’t wish that on anyone.
Tom
It seems like many mothers view their children as extensions of themselves, with no real rights, individuality, or dignity. I’m not sure why this is, but I’ve noticed it many a time.
I hate this woman.
I don’t have children, either. But my best friend has a daughter who’s about 1.5. I could *never* ignore that – even when I know she only wants me to hold her because she knows it’s bed time and I’m not the one who puts her to bed. :)
substitute “thousands of photos of me as a child were all over the internet” with “every cashier/bank teller in town” and you get the gist of my growing up. Seriously, I would come home from college for the weekend and go to the store with my mom. The cashiers knew her, of course, so the girl with her must be the daughter. So all these strangers were always saying “Hi Maya!” ugh. They at least had the manners to not say “Hey Maya! How’s it going? I heard it took an unusually long time to potty train you!”
I know it’s not really anything compared to this bitch, but just thought I’d refresh everyone’s memory that parents humiliating their children is nothing new.
“It seems like many mothers view their children as extensions of themselves, with no real rights, individuality, or dignity. I’m not sure why this is, but I’ve noticed it many a time.”
Yup, they’re dolls/toys/tools used to aid in their attention whorism.
I think it sounds like utter horseshit, manufactured to generate A) comment, and B) ad revenue.
I have one word for that self centered wretch – adoption. You don’t love your kid and don’t want anything to do with her, then let someone adopt her who WILL love her the way you refuse to.
At certain ages, one’s offspring are humiliated by the mere existence of parents (Facebook = payback time!).
But turnabout is fair play, and the cycle continues — they’ll be parents themselves some day, bwahaha!
Hmmm, on that thought . . . The Facebook generation as parents is a daunting prospect — if they’re willing to be so public on their own behalf, how will they behave as parents? Like this woman? Like the mommybloggers? The innertoobs will be clogged with dirty diapers!
Wow. That’s just revolting.
I agree it sounds a lot like postpartum depression. And it sounds like it hung on for a really long time for her to be able to ignore her toddler’s requests for affection. It looks to me like the woman has got some serious depression problems. But that doesn’t excuse her cruelty in publicizing their names.
It’s maddening to read shit like this. I know life is unfair, but hell, far too often it seems like the women who don’t want kids have them when those of us who want them can’t. It took us years of trying before we finally had our son. We’d very much like to have more kids, but my health may make that impossible. And then I read stories about people who abuse and neglect their children, and women who go so far as to murder their children, and it makes me want to scream. Do those selfish fools not realize that, if they don’t want their kids, there are people out there who do? Probably not. I know, I know. Life is neither fair nor efficient. That doesn’t mean I have to like it.
If this sad, sorry woman felt that way about her daughter, why didn’t she give her up for adoption? That would have been the kinder thing to do than this public humiliation.
The mother is worried that she’ll be known as “the woman who doesn’t like her own child.” Maybe she should be more concerned that her daughter will be “the girl whose mother told the world she didn’t love her.”
What a screwed up situation. That mother should of given up that child for adoption 11 years ago. Why didn’t she?
That child needs help now and pronto. God what a neurotic mess she is going to be. Always looking for the mother she never had, and ‘seeking love in all the wrong places.’
Shit
Words are failing me here. I don’t know enough bad/cuss words to describe that woman and what she’s done. I want to go over there right NOW and hug Catherine and take her to the park and get an ice cream cone and then kick her mother’s ass.
I want to hug my kids now too, but they’re all grown up and away from home.
Usually I scoff at self-esteem building programs, but I hope that Catherine is getting some help.
No… what I really hope is that Liberty Girl is right and the whole is made-up BS.
Did we all miss the good part? Two children by two different baby daddies. Evidently she always saw a child as somewhat less of a commitment than a marriage. Yeah, I’m a judgment-filled judging judger. If that makes me an asshole too, so be it.
The mommybloggers get a lot of this sort of criticism, and their defense is always the same: we’re building a community. We’re sharing and helping each other through the trials of motherhood. Good for you ladies, but you could do that without using your kids’ real names or posting their pics.
People have been doing this for ages – they hung out in families, or groups of neighbors or parishioners or support groups IN PRIVATE and chatted about their lives. It’s called friendship. And for friendship’s sake, those things were kept personal and not public.
Now we have the Web. Unfortunately people think that a new medium means all new rules, when in fact the old rules should apply – kindness, charity, tact. Human nature hasn’t changed, only the current expression.
I do think that dear friendship can develop among bloggers, even those who haven’t met, precisely because they have posted personal struggles and been humble enough to speak their heart, no matter how disturbing. However, I note that those who do, rarely use pictures (certainly not pictures of too personal a nature) and are cautious about their loved ones in their posts. In reply, there are always going to be idiots who exploit the public nature of a blog to write cruel comments and emails, but there are also those who reply with grace and tact.
I don’t assume my experience is universal, but I’ve spiked posts that I felt were too personal, and on rare occasion retracted already-posted items because someone close to me protested. As relatively anonymous as I am in the Wild Wild Web, it still pays to be prudent.
I’m starting to think that due to reality tv, Dr. Phil, blogging, facebook, myspace etc..well, it seems we are slowly losing our sense of decency and privacy. Things you would once only reminiscence with buddies about on that “crazy weekend” are now posted for all the world to see via a cell phone. That and their girlfriends self photographed naughty parts.
People are willing to reveal anything if it gets them some fame or recognition.
And many of us are partly to blame because we gaze on with fascination and horror.
The whole “community” thing is crap. They’re selfish naval gazing losers that society applauds.
My heart breaks for that poor little girl.
Her mother should have given her up for adoption to a loving family and then sought counseling.
How is “mommy blogging” any different from reality shows? John and Kate Plus 8 pops into my head as one of those shows where you just know one of those kids is going to wind up in a clock tower.
While I understand the need to share how you’re feeling with the world, and to find that one other person who knows what you’re feeling so that you know you’re normal…To put your kids out there like that, it’s abusive. Now if her kids are out in public, how many people are going to whisper, “Oh there goes that poor little girl whose mommy doesn’t love her.”
Absolutely tragic.
It also makes me wonder how much she got in compensation from the article.
No doubt none of that money is going to her kids.
It isn’t too late until one or both of you are dead, Shelley. So, suck it up and try becoming an adult about this. She’s yours. If the old beau isn’t around anymore, then Catherine is ALL yours! Cut the bullshit and just hold her until you realize what a total unfeeling dunce you are. This isn’t a rape baby.
I’m going to reiterate something I said earlier, because I can’t stop wondering: what possessed the reporter and editor to publish not only first and last names, but even the name of this family’s home town?
It’s one thing for the mommybloggers to trot their children out in public on their own blogs, but the Mail is a national publication.
Even if the mother is exhibitionist/clueless enough to go through with that kind of exposure, is there no professional ethic amongst the press regarding the potential harm they’ve caused? Or, on a more primitive level of ethics, have they no fear of lawsuits later on, when their treatment of this child has had time to do its damage?
I’ve read adoption horror stories of people who got kids from hell-hole orphanages in Romania and similar countries. Those children received almost no love during infancy and never were able to bond with the adoptive parents. I can only hope her oldest daughter isn’t too badly screwed up by her mother’s neglect.
I simply cannot come up with the appropriate words for how this article made me feel. I do know that I would love to slap this woman for what she has done to her lovely daughter. My lovely daughter is off at Navy boot camp and I would like nothing better than to give her a huge hug right now. So sad that this little girl will apparently never have a mother who feels that way.
One more thing — sorry! — I can’t help blaming some of this mother’s trouble on unreasonable expectations. While her case does certainly sound like it began with postpartum depression, it’s also true that children speak to their mothers’ hearts in different ways. One child is almost always going to be easier for a mother to connect with than another, but that doesn’t mean that the connection can’t be made — if the mother desires it. This mother seems to have wasted many years looking for either permission to fail or some magic bullet that would fix her lack of affection. At least part of the article indicates that she has finally begun to spend the time and make the effort to open her heart and let her firstborn child in where she belongs — Thank God! Let’s hope her little foray into the public eye hasn’t spoiled it.
That woman is soulless trash.
Dooce may be a good writer (I’m not qualified to judge), but her grinding self-absorption renders her pretty much unreadable to me. Using her child as an income generator isn’t kosher either.
The more I’ve thought about this, I think that even if Shelley doesn’t love Catherine, she can LIKE her alot. And, just STFU about the “love” part. Sometimes, a secret is best kept to the grave. And, a strong liking without ever admitting that one loved the other person is better than not saying anything about liking and just emphasizing the inability to love the other person.
I’m guessing Shelley has probably faked orgasms. So, try faking loving Catherine. Liking her is good enough. Fake the love. Hugs. Kisses. The child’s best interests at heart. That’s what it takes. It doesn’t require love.
Emotions follow behavior. Mother needs to start behaving in a loving way toward her daughter. The verb ‘to love’ is an action verb. One that needs to be acted on everyday.
Before long this ‘pile of fecal matter’ mother, may find that no only does she have the emotion of love toward her daughter; she may have a little respect for herself as well.
You have all expressed my feelings and expressed them better than I ever could. I wouldn’t add my mite but for the fact that I am trying not to cry at the mental image of a baby stretching her arms up to be held and … nothing. I can’t fathom such cruelty. I just can’t.
And no, writing that didn’t help.
I’d argue that it doesn’t require love at first sight, or infatuation, or the hopelessly soppy, doting form of love that is easily given by most parents (and that, while it has its place in creating the bond, should not be mistaken for the bond itself!), but that it does require guiding, caring, instructing love — the kind that involves work and that grows with the effort!
As for the affectionate gestures (now that, thanks to Poppy, she’s realized that she can), if she just lets Catherine hug her, she’ll probably find herself hugging back!
That child would’ve been best served with adoption. The mother knows all along she doesn’t want her, yet retains her for some odd reason while thousands of childless couples sit on waiting lists for babies.
She says she didn’t feel maternal feelings for her daughter since birth, and the father left the relationship later, so I don’t know where he’s much fault for this, since the breakup happened some time after the birth. And after all, if she couldn’t love her own daughter, sounds like she must’ve been a cold fish for him to deal with, to boot.
It gets me when these women get on tv and complain that “I’m a jerk and I know it, but I can’t do anything about it, so help me.” Instead of comfort and hugs, they should get a kick in the behind instead of “poor me” sympathy, and be made to shape up. It works for us guys.
Oops — modereated!Thanks, Rachel!Like a fool, I went over and read the whole article. It just made me madder. So I wrote a comment that I hope makes the Mail’s collective ears burn. I doubt it will make it out of moderation, so just for the pleasure of knowing that someone saw it, I will copy it here. Pls forgive me for indulging my anger this way:
“I have no words with which to express how horrible this story is. The image of the baby Catherine reaching out to be held, in vain, will haunt me for some time to come. But others have expressed well, how selfishly this woman has acted in publicizing her story. What I want to know is how any competent, humane writer could allow this woman to identify herself publicly and to pose with her daughter. What on earth is the matter with you, Rachel Porter? What neglect in your past could possibly have robbed you of even minimal sympathy for the child in question? Does the Mail not have editors? Were all of them sleeping on the job? What possible purpose was served by publishing the names and a picture of the mother and daughter involved? Of course, maybe that’s the joke. Maybe those aren’t real names and maybe those are not pictures of the real mother and daughter. Maybe that claim is a cynical ploy to make this story even more horrifying. If so, congratulations. You succeeded.”
Lily,
rawr! Well done!
I agree with Mrs. Hill. The paper is almost as despicable as the mother for actually publishing this. Seriously, what is this world coming to?
I just came away a little while ago from visiting a friend of mine who had to bury her baby. I don’t even like to think of her reaction to this be-yotch. She’s a USMC veteran and could out-cuss a dozen muleskinners—her reaction would, if I posted it here, melt down half the Intarwebs, make the Baby Jesus cry, and give our lovely and talented hostess a fit of the vapors.
How _anybody_ can ignore a little child stretching up its arms is beyond me…I’m not a parent and probably never will be (lack of willing partners does hamper one, doesn’t it?) but I react the way normal people do. This bint sounds like she’s got some serious screws loose.
And if I’d been that little girl’s “baby daddy,” and found out about this…”Your signature is going to be on those papers turning over full custody to me, or your brains are going to be all over this room. Your choice.”
Well, Rachel, for the first time in my life I felt that if I left a comment about a post, I would offend you. Not because I disagree with you but because this article has made me so fricken pissed that I cannot stop cursing a blue streak. (I linked to you and the article on my own site instead so I could curse until I was blue in the face.)
It is UNREAL to me the actions of this *&^#@!!!!!!!! Poor kid.
Lily, you go girl! If the article is real, the paper was absolutely in the wrong for publishing it as is. If the article is real, but names are changed, it should have said that. If the article is fake, it never should have been published as news.
Hey, you’ve seen my blog. The kids have nicknames, and the one photo I have of them is ridiculously photoshopped to pixellate their faces for anonymity. Don’t these people understand that there could be sickos out there who would be tempted by all the personal info they publicize about their kids? GOOD LORD!
I have never struck a woman in anger in my entire life. I’d almost be willing to make an exception for this walking, talking turd. Then again, she is so not worth it.
Shelly Price–the next National Spokeswoman for Mothercare. :(
I absolutely agree with Haverwilde.
Love is an action. It’s how you treat the other person, not a “feeling”. If it were just a feeling, why all those abusive SOs were just feeling love as they hurt their other halves. One of the reasons I ended up getting divorced was my ex could not understand that love (expressed) is how you treat the other person. And feelings follow actions. If you ACT like you care, eventually you do.
Look, when I was in high school I absolutely did not want to have any children. I find myself now with six – 3 of my own, and 3 step-children. And I love them all, even the Boy (who is a bit OCD and sometimes difficult to deal with). I readily admit that at the moment I don’t really LIKE my eldest – but I’ll always LOVE her, regardless of how she acts.
The thought that anyone could ignore a baby or toddler’s outstreached arms is painful. I’m not a kid person and I’m the last woman in the group that will hold a baby – but there is no way I could ignore a child who was begging for affection. If this mother couldn’t love her child, why didn’t she give her to someone who would?
I think of my Baby holding out her arms, wanting to be loved and being ignored…and I want to cry. How could anyone do that to a child, especially their own? And to publicize it. That’s just nasty.
My heart breaks for Catherine. She deserves so much better. And for Poppy, who will always now feel guilt that Mom loves her and not her sister. How could this b&tch do this to her children?
I have nothing to say about this except that it reminded me of what might be the first post of yours I ever read (late 2002), about the mother of a Palestinian Arab suicide bomber. “My mother never prays for me to be killed in action. She is SO selfish.”
I tried to read through all the comments, but the anger…it forces me to comment NOW.
I have no problem judging the shit out of her feelings. I don’t much care for my husband’s little niece and nephew, but if they come to me for affection, I always give it, and keep my annoyance hidden from them, and they aren’t mine! I cannot imagine denying something as simple as human decency to a child I brought into the world.
If you don’t love your own child, then there is something seriously wrong with you, and you should seek counseling. Also, you should probably give the child up. Let someone who actually wants kids take the little “burden” and give it a fair shot at life.
As far as using the pictures of the child and her name, I can think of a couple of reasons for that. The first one being that, since mommy dearest doesn’t even seem to LIKE her child, it simply wouldn’t occur to her that this article might be damaging. She has never cared about the child’s welfare anymore than was necessary to keep herself out of prison. The second reason might be a dark, almost subconscious hope that others will look at the child and feel the same revulsion, and tell this heartless woman that she’s RIGHT for not loving the poor kid.
Evil woman. I hope her daughter will be all right, and I hope that woman, when she at the mercy of others, is treated as kindly and lovingly as she treats her own daughter.
Amen, David Colborne (commenter above).
I wonder if this isn’t just a big fake? People do lots of wicked things for money. “Catherine…if Mommy pretends, you’ll get a new dolly!”
Like you, Rachel, I’ve never wanted children of my own. My husband and I are childless by choice. It all stems from me being the neighborhood by default from tweendom to young adult. It pretty much soured me on the idea of parenthood. Having said that, I don’t hate children, and I do claim my friends’ children as my nieces and nephews and I love them dearly. What breaks my heart is when a parent doesn’t show natural love for their child. There are so many couples that want children and can’t have them. Give that baby or child to a family that will adore him/her! You’ll be doing what’s best for the baby and that IS a loving thing to do. I’m all for adoption.
oopsie! I was the neighborhood “nanny” by default–still didn’t like it.
I want to echo the calls for adoption. I really, really wish that we could create some sort of shift in our society so that, when a young unmarried woman finds herself pregnant, adoption would be the default, assumed result.
Sure, sometimes things work out well w/ a single mother, or the mom and dad get married later, but in so many cases, adoption to a family who really wants a baby would be so much better a choice.
I lived Catherine’s life. All of it.
My mother didn’t want me. Told me at 6 years old, “I didn’t want you and wish I had never had you.” Beat the crap out of me whenever she felt like it. (Doctor told me that my nose had been broken more than once). Spurned any attempt for attention. If it hadn’t been for my father (who fled when I was 6) and maternal grandmother, I would have killed myself at about 13. Ran from her to my dad and stepmom’s at 15. Didn’t have much of a relationship until her death in 1987.
Scarred? Hell, yes. Broken? No. I have three children, who know they’re loved (even when I want to strangle them), and I tended to be too permissible when they were growing up.
So Catherine will survive. But the scars never go away. It’s been 49 years since she said those words to me, and I can close my eyes and conjure up the scene in my mind, even to the smell of the spring flowers coming in the open window.
The story has been taken down, apparently. At least the link doesn’t work. I would like to think that my comment shamed them into removing it but, I suppose, that is unlikely.
Elizabeth, if cyber hugs could only help, you, Catherine and all the unloved children in this world would practically be suffocating right now. This story and your experience (and that of others, who have had such experiences) pain me. They really do.
Elizabeth, I’m so sorry that happened to you. I think it’s wonderful that you’re a loving mother yourself. I had a fantastic mom, God rest her soul, and I always stated that she was my first best friend. I had her monument engraved “Beloved Mother and Best Friend” when she passed. I’m middle-aged now, and I still miss her so badly–so many questions I still had left that I never got to ask.
When I originally read Rachel’s post, it sounded to me as if this mother projected her anger and/or hatred of her ex-boyfriend onto her newborn. I’ve seen people do that too.
Delurking to say-I can’t even begin to say how badly I feel for this poor child. And how much hatred I have for her egg donor.
But the biggest problem I have with the other bloggers showing pictures of their kids, is the perverts are out there scouting. I would hate to know that my childs pic was available for someone to drool over. Or worse- to give them something to fixate on – and maybe enough info to come after my child.
Lily – I hope it helped. They may not give a fig about right or wrong or the feelings of the poor child, but anything that sends shivers through their thinning bottom line? That makes a difference. Good on you.
Unless the link is broken, The Daily Mail has scrubbed the story from their site. Hope you’re all proud of yourselves for thwarting the Public’s Right to Know™ young Christine’s humiliation.
I know my comment didn’t do it– I was expressing, badly, a wish that I had so powerful a talent for writing that I could have shamed them into removing the story all by myself.
However, it is perfectly possible that they received many comments that were not published criticizing the Mail and the writer. If so, they may have been brought to believe that the story did them and their judgement no credit at all. I read through all the published comments and not a single one (not one!) criticized the Mail. I just don’t believe we were the only ones who objected to their role.
Whatever the case, I am thrilled that the story is gone.
Thank you, Lily and Tammy. All I did is think what would mother do, and do the opposite. My children are now 34, 32 and 30 tomorrow. My grandchildren are 12, 9, 7, 5 and 4. They know I love them with all my heart. To me, that’s worth anything I went through.
Looks like they scrubbed the Google cache too.
This behavior by mommybloggers is completely predictable because they are all hyper-emoting leftists. For a leftist, privacy is a non-concept except when it facilitates greater access to sexual gratification; thus, in their world, privacy for kids makes no sense.
Note that I didn’t say they value privacy PERTAINING to sex – they’re all for letting it all hang out, unless someone else’s knowledge, like a parent’s knowledge of their kid’s sexual activity, would serve to help decrease the kid’s access to sexual gratification.
Here’s what I’m confused about: How on earth did anyone believe that this story was in any way helpful? If the “mother” in this story wanted to benefit other people, she should have found an effective way to treat her [what I’m assuming is]postpartum depression so that she could help other women overcome theirs and become healthier, happier, and better parents. But she didn’t.
What has this “woman’s” helpful advice been? It’s OK to dislike and neglect your child. Maybe the next one will be better.
She told other mothers who are having trouble bonding with their babies that it’s basically OK and normal to just get by with the bare minimum amount of parenting. It’s not bad because, after all, they’re not alone.
Love is not about warm fuzzy feelings, although they are nice. Love is about commitment and acting in someone’s best interest and providing for someone’s needs even when they interfere with your wants and, and, and… Now I’m just preaching to the choir.
Seriously, though… if you want to help people, find them a fucking solution.