That’s an actual photo of an actual lamppost covered with actual padding on an actual London street – to protect people from getting injured while they walk and text.
Britain’s first ‘Safe Text’ street has been created complete with padded lampposts to protect millions of mobile phone users from getting hurt in street accidents while walking and texting. Around one in ten careless Brits has suffered a “walk ‘n text” street injury in the past year through collisions with lampposts, bins and other pedestrians.
Given the apparent dangers of “unprotected text”, over a quarter of Brits – 27 per cent – are in favour of creating a ‘mobile motorway’ on Britain’s pavements. Texters could follow a brightly coloured line, which which would act like a cycle lane, steering them away from obstacles. And 44 per cent of those surveyed wanted pads placed on lampposts to protect them while texting. The study found that busy city streets were the worst for “walk ‘n text” accidents.
The research showed that Brick Lane in East London was the top spot for texting injuries. Now Brick Lane has been made the country’s first “Safe Text” street, with brightly coloured padding, similar to that used on rugby posts, placed on lamp posts to test if it helps protect dozy mobile users. If the trial is successful, the idea could be rolled out to other London blackspots…
Well, that’s going to look right nice, mate! A very attractive urban landscape for an ancient British city, I say.
I think it’s marvelous. Wrap padding around everything that the retards might run into; frankly, I’m thinking we take it a step further. Helmets and face guards. It’s silly and shortsighted to expect adults to look out for themselves and if you have to cover the whole world with cushions for the poor things then by god DO IT.
There aren’t too many things in the world that are funnier than watching someone ram into something painfully because they weren’t paying attention. But that’s just me; I’m mean, cynical, slothful and complacent just like Mrs. Obama said.
But I’m struggling, too! My soul’s done broke. And I expect her husband’s administration to take note of Britain’s highly advanced soul-fixing initiatives like padding all hard things on public streets and get that action going here in the States post haste because it should be obvious to anyone that one of the reasons we’re so Jammed Up here in America is because we spend way too much time behaving like responsible adults by watching where we’re going. Remove that pesky obstacle and we’ll be good to go. I can’t wait!
Guess I’m “all jammed up and mean”. I think the poles should remain un-padded. It’s a way to cull the herd.
On edit: Approaching it from a “socialized health care – nanny state” type thing, it would be interesting to see if it’s cheaper to spend the money to pad the poles, or treat the injuries.
Still I kind of vote for personal responsibility and watching where you’re going (I think that was something mom tried to teach me at a pretty young age – “look up – watch where you’re going.”
That is truly ridiculous! Hilarious, but so stupid. If you’re dumb enough to walk into a pole while texting or whatever, you deserve whatever injury you incur.
I think they should install mechanical arms on every lamp post, fire hydrant, and street sign so that whenever some idiot bumps into them because he was texting instead of looking where he was going, a little hand pops out and smacks them on the back of the head.
Hooray! Remove all personal responsibility. Next will they be pre-chewing my food so that I don’t run the risk of biting my tongue?
“Safe Text”-I assumed that meant covering the phone in some type of latex sheath.
I will guarantee anyone that once you’ve bonked yourself good and hard on a pole or post because you weren’t paying attention, you won’t do it again for a loooooong time!
Can we all say, “NannynannynannynannynannyNanny-England!” I think the Brits should start wearing diapers next, so they won’t crap in their pants! You know, the leak proof types of adult diapers!
I just keep asking myself, “Is THIS what the boomers bargained for with their social revolution 40 years ago? Is THIS the cost of the safe and equal society?” I’ll take Tombstone circa 1885.
DearRachel,
So…
The official city government of London has decided that it is an important task for that same city government to protect people from injuring themselves by walking into objects while text messaging. Which might – just possibly might (hey look – there are buttons up top right!) – teach (another button! these things are fun) them not to walk while texting and thereby stop hurting themselves.
yet…
The official city government of London has decided that it is not within their purview to protect non-Muslim citizens from being beat up by Muslim citizens for failing to conform to Muslim rules, which are not British rules or laws.
Sounds fair to me. I feel an urge to vote for the Obamessiah ™
mike
Anne Boleyn’s parts must be turning over in her grave. ‘Well, that’s just great – don’t suppose someone could have bubble wrapped my neck? Gits.’
I don’t know what you’re complaining about here. We have to protect the stupid from themselves. I for one am going to start a campaign to demand that all forks have cushioned tips to avoid any unnecessary “eat ‘n text” accidents. Makes me feel all progressive just talking about it.
BTW, I found this blog a few months ago and have lurked occasionally ever since. I’m enjoying the dramatic increase in posting productivity.
DearRachel,
Are you ever going to have your own online “DearRacheldotcom” advice column? You could make it a column in Tough Shit, America, online.
Hey – look at the pretty buttons!
I am only slightly tarded for not noticing them until several other commenters pointed them out. At least, that’s what I tell my children when they worry about hereditary mental feebleness.
mike
I am SO glad we won the revolution.
Well, in all fairness to the British government, the fookin’ Brits are without a doubt the clumsiest bunch of bozos on the planet. Monty Python is not only a goof ya know.
When I lived there awhile back for about three years I never saw so many twits bonking into each other or stationary items. There is a reason that the word you here most often in England after Allah Akbar is “Sorry.”
They really are just that hopeless.
Note to British women: Houndstooth fabric makes your bresticles completely invisible to the western man’s eye. And, oh yeah… Get off of the phone!
Rachel,
Don’t you know? When people are safe enough, their little minds grow weak and they are easier to control! Personally, if I were making the decisions, I would be more likely to put bear traps on the sidewalk, just to keep the subjects on their toes! I would make them strong, and control them in other ways. Muhahahahaha!
–Michael
BWAHAHAHHAHAHAAHAHHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHHAA *gasp* HAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
The Light is slowing going out in the mother country. Someone will soon invent a padded body suit, which all the Queen’s subjects will be compelled to wear, to protect them from contusion.
Under Sharia law, anyone caught not wearing the padded body suit will be publicly contused with a whip, of course.
Bloody genius! If only they’d thought of this back in the 1940’s, they could’ve padded the entire country and not had to fight the Nazis. Then think of all the people who wouldn’t have gotten injured and all the money they’d’ve saved on health care.
Somewhere, a satire-writer for The Onion is tearing his hair out. Gawd, what a great Onion column that would’ve been. It would have been e-mailed ten times around the world before lunch.
Too late now.
I have actually been to Brick Lane! Well, anyone whose ever sought an authentic Indian or Bangladeshi Curry House has been there whilst in London, so big whip, right?
In all honesty, you’re more likely to trip over the rubbish bins and broken Hefty bags then walk into a post on that tiny, beyond narrow street. Are they going to pad the sidewalks now, too? Why not just turn the whole of Brick Lane into a clown school, complete with pratfall-breaking air bags and stripped-down Volkswagen Beetles?
Trust me, there are plenty of Brits bemoaning the pussification of their once fine, proud and fierce culture!
I’m reminded of Ruprect the Monkey Boy in Dirty Rotten Scoundrels. In particular the scene where he (Steve Martin) is eating dinner and he has a cork on the end of the fork. That’s next in Jolly ol’ England I think. Forks w/ Corks!
I certainly hope those Brits are covered for those “texting accidents” by their wonderful, all-encompassing universal healthcare that is so much more awesome than our lousy healthcare.
So that’s what the buttons are for. This is almost as fun as new stationery.
As for the idiot street, I wonder if it has a place where you can pay your idiot tax ? (Where you can buy your lottery tickets.)
Hey wait a minute, I’ve walked into a telephone pole. In my defense my buddy said “hey check her out” about 3 or 4 steps before I met the pole. There might also have been beer involved. I swear I’ve learned my lesson though, I haven’t walked into a pole on the 25+ years since.
Note to self: Stay away from poles for a few months, I’ve probably jinxed myself.
Do you remember the movie Meet Joe Black? . It’s the America I know and love. Let the oblivious run into stationary objects and get hit by cars. Not only is it funny, it improves the gene pool.
And another thing. Why the hell do people take the added time to “text” someone with a cell phone, on a cell phone? It’s a fucking phone! You can call someone on a phone while walking and talking and chewing gum without running into a light pole or getting hit by a car!!!!!!!!!!!! [banging head on desk]
When can I move to another planet?
Thank goodness that problem is solved. Now we can move on to more important things, like, “Should we allow people to chew gum while texting”, and “Will transfats make my thumbs too big to text”?
I can’t do anything but laugh..yet feel a little sad for the human race..but I’ll stick with laughing my ass off HA!
Derek of Hesperia,
What you were trying to say was this:
<img src=”http://static.flickr.com/26/97729975_6b24129899_o.gif”>
From Office of the Prime Minister
To do:
1) Pad street lamps to prevent accidents – COMPLETE
2) Pad terrorists to prevent accidents – STILL OUTSTANDING
Oh, why not require every Brit to just wear a ‘tard helmet? ( No offense to you, Rachel; you’re doing truly dangerous stuff while wearing your helmet!)
It’s too bad my grandfather did not think to pad the front of his Ford Galaxy 500 before I ran into it full speed while trying to catch that football many years ago. Would have saved me a massive bruise. What will those inventive Brits think of next? You know it will happen here before too long too, right after some moron manages to ride their bike into a pole while riding on the sidewalk and texting. Of course he (or she) will rake in millions from the lawsuit against the city.
Why don’t they just hand out those helmets that keep “wild” children from hurting themselves. These morons are obviously developmentally disabled to start with and by wearing the proper “uniform” normal people could easily avoid them.
…Joan: looks like you and I think alike. Probably all those years of wearing helmets so our brains could develop normally. Heh.
OMG. I’ve heard the term “Nerf world” used to describe our desire to protect everyone from everything. But dang — it has literally come true in London. Amazing.
All kidding aside.
The one thing that really worries me is that in our desire to reduce risk, we are systematically eliminating the selective pressures that have kept the gene pool healthy. Doing so may make our lives better, but it the side effect of making life more difficult for future generations as their inherited genetic burdens pile up. In fact it’s already happening — witness the rising incidence of life-threatening allergies, for example. It is impossible not to feel compassion for people who suffer from such maladies, but by saving the weakest among us to live until reproductive age, we doom the future to exponentially increasing rates of suffering.
I was in England about ten years ago. An American with a suitcase in each hand is absolutely invisible to them. (Although in fairness, I must say that one driver had the courtesy to honk his horn when a crush of pedestrian traffic forced me to step off the curb.) It was actually a relief to get back to the Detroit airport.
Padded Lampposts? Crikey. As a Brit from London I confess that is embarrassing.
Still not unexpected from some of the deadbeat namby pamby local council officials that are elected in this country by minescule voting numbers from a populace wholly disinterested in local politics.
Still before all my American Cousins on here gloat too much – it is no less embarrassing than the way your Rugby (sorry, Grid Iron) players stuff the same material under their shirts and helmets to avoid getting hurt in the tackle. ;)
Bubble wrap.
You’re born, you swaddled in bubble wrap for the rest of your life.
Or maybe one of those Matrix egg-nest-battery thingies.
BTW, did any of those Brit fucktards knock any of their snaggle teeth out? That’d be a bonus.
Remember Steve Martin’s character from Dirty Rotten Scoundrels? He pretended to be the retarded Prince Ruprecht. At dinner he was provide with a fork with a cork stuck on the tines so that he would not inadvertently puncture his face.
Britain has become a nation of retarded royalty. Are we next?
Mental institutes have specially-padded rooms for their patients. Is Britain becoming one large mental institute for the feeble-minded and crazies?
I was just in Scotland (the land of my heart) back in September. I just have to assume that the Scots won’t have anything to do with this, bless their hearts. I think it may be time to rebuild Hadrian’s wall (with padding on the Brit side) to separate the mental idiots from their betters.
(Present company excluded, Tom Horgan – who has an excellent point about football! We were in Scotland for the Rugby World Cup, so I’m rather partial to the unparalleled fierceness of the sport, which my husband played in college and the Army. He also played American football, which was like a day off for him. Whole ‘nother story there.)
I think a safer alternative would be to pad each person. Make them wear a giant padded suit with a hard helmet when they go out. By doing each person, they would be protected no matter where they went, not just on the “safe-text” street.
I agree. Or maybe a big bubble. Everyone can be that Boy or Girl in The Bubble.
This is the death knell of the monarchy. In former times, the Crown would have provided a force in full livery to push texters in rolling text chairs while calling out: “Make way for the texter! Make way for the texter!”
But in Red Ken’s City of London, this is not possible. Suppose the texter is a radical mooslim trying to get the terrorist attacks coordinated? We can not have the government spying on him and we can’t risk having him KO’ed by a government lamp post.
As many British seem to be going nowhere to begin with, perhaps the solution might be a great circle where they can walk and text without obstruction. They could call it Text Lane and make it a national heritage site.
DearRachel,
After my last post yesterday afternoon, I shut down my computer and left work. While walking down the street, I was fastening the belt of my topcoat when I ran into a streetlight.
Let me know when you’re finished laughing at me.
But..
I accepted personal responsibility for my own stupidity and took concrete action to prevent a reccurance:
I wrote to both Hildebeast and Obamessiah and asked how it could be that in America there are still people who have not been provided personal protective equipment to prevent injury when they walk into inherently dangerous objects intentionally placed in the middle of the sidewalk.
mike
This kind of thing is one of the reasons why I want to move to the States with my fiance rather than live over here in the UK.
I’m sick of the idea that just because some people are complete morons, as a fellow citizen I obviously have to be protected by the government from myself. Yesterday I read that they’re going to put health warning signs on things like cheese sandwiches, along the lines of “WARNING!!! This sandwich contains approximately half of your allowed daily ration of saturated fat!!!”.
And now we get this…South Carolina seems more attractive with every bullshit idea that our lords and masters come up with. For example, gun laws are really relaxed over there, and yet I didn’t see one bullet-ridden body while I was there. Amazing, eh? That you can actually treat people as being responsible for their own actions rather than nannying them all the time, and not have things go completely to hell? Idiots.
I’m amazed that Brick Lane is the pilot street for this program. Langtry is right that it is a very narrow street with lots of trash piled up, but the only oblivious, texting, yuppie-monkeys there are those looking for a good curry. I would have thought they would have tried this somewhere in the City, where the yuppie population density is a lot higher.
Hmmmm. Curry.
O.M.G. Perhaps they should just require all the stupid fucks to wear helmets.
Well, I, for one, LIKE watching people run into lamp posts ! It’s good for a few laughs, and God knows we need a few around here in this nanny-state hellhole our countries have become.
We live in a world full of coddled retards. Idiocracy.
If you think about it, I think it’sa good thing to pad the lamp posts. Because then, when you bounce off the posts and keep going, you’ll wander right out in front of the truck and.. Darwin be praised!
I am sooo gonna be in one of Hill/Obama’s Goulags before it’s all over with…
Back in”84 we took our senior trip to NYC. While on an observation deck at the RCA building, 40 or so stories up, I looked down at a street corner and saw a guy walk right smack into the side of a moving bus. He kinda bounced off the bus and pushed off of it as if it was the fault of the bus! Still one of the funniest things I have ever seen.
Now tell me this is the nation of Olvier Cromwell, Admiral Nelson, Lord Darwin, Captain Cook, Winston Churchill, Maggie Thatcher?
To: Rob F on March 6th, 2008 at 10:51 am
Sure, you can start in South Carolina but as your nervous system gets used to the culture shock, starting heading out to God’s country (Texas) and enjoy NO earthquakes, mudslides, sinkholes. We almost don’t stink as bad and this year, we got air conditioning. Ignore the tornados, they’re just God’s way of keeping our hubris down to a minimum.
I guess they’ll need to pad the fronts of the buses, too, so when they wander out into the street they won’t get hurt.
On second thought, that might not protect them. But it will prevent dents in the bus and make it easier to clean up the mess.
Fast forward 20 years. The Brits will have covered the whole country in Nerf ™, and everyone will be running around in man sized plastic exercise balls, much like you put Sniffles the Hamster in when he needs exercise.
I just don’t understand how the people that braved the Blitz turned into a bunch of sissies.
Kelly,
I thought tornados were God’s way of keeping the trailer parks from getting too big.
Ah, another example to add to my quickly growing list of observations of the world going absolutely insane.
Thanks.
I am really utterly left speechless…this is a joke isnt it?
Please tell me it is..I can’t bear the thought of fellow humans being that completely “STUK ON STOOPID”!
I hope Darwin is right, because sooner or later these idiots will all die out wont they?
Invade England. Reenstate the Monarchy with Prince Harry as King. Abolish the Parliament until the Boomer Generation there (and here) is gone. God save the Motherland!