I need a personal assistant. Or for my dogs to be able to talk.
This week was a genuine nightmare, I can tell you that much. Ever had an infection in your jaw bone for which you had to have a root canal, which caused the infection to go completely insane on you? I sincerely hope you have not, because the pain is nothing short of excruciating. Mind-crushing. Death-wishing hell. So bad that you actually have moments where you wish your heart would stop beating because you can feel in exquisite detail every single pump right in your jaw, which feels exactly like someone has a spear stuck in your chin and is hitting the other end of it with a hammer every second or so.
So, yeah. If anyone has noticed decreased blogging or wondered why I haven’t emailed them back, it’s because I’ve been lying in the fetal position on the floor for most of the last 36 hours with an ice pack welded to my face. Narcotic painkillers do nothing, by the way. NOTHING. At first I just thought I was sore from the root canal, but by last night, my jaw started swelling and literally feeling like it was trying to kill me. I got antibiotics this morning, and I already feel a million times better, so no sympathy necessary. I’m only even mentioning it so that I can make a new entry in my “Dumb Things I Do” category, because even through my pain, this one made me laugh:
The first thing I did when I got up this morning was call the dentist, sobbing incoherently. “Root canal Tuesday. [sob] Hurt Wednesday. [sob] Near death last night. [sob] I need antibiotics. [sob] Or for you to send someone over to sever the nerves in my head please. [sob sob sob]”. They said they were calling them in right away.
So I put on some clothes and apologized to the dogs for no walkies, and started to head out the door for the pharmacy when I realized I’d need sunglasses. But where were my sunglasses? Not here on the kitchen counter, not here in my key/purse/cell phone basket, not in my pocket. I ran out to the car, and no sunglasses. They were nowhere to be found.
And I proceeded to flip my shit. Feeling sorry for myself, you know. Here I am, got too much crap to do, behind on work, behind on the blog, no Rupert to take care of me, arghghgh! I began to wail like a little baby and actually slumped to the floor on my knees in despair. I just want my fucking sunglasses! Is that too much to ask, God?! Heeeeelllpppp meeeeee!!!!
This brought the dogs nearby, wondering why Human was on the floor screaming. They both came sidling up, wagging their tails comfortingly, and sniffed my head. Sunny gave me a lick on my cheek and Maggie smashed her body up against me as though to be my rock. I sobbed out loud to them something like, “Sweet girls, sweet sweet girls, I wish you could sniff out sunglasses God has hidden from me as punishment for being a heathen.” They stared at me in confusion.
At that moment, I finally decided to just get my shit together and go, even without sunglasses. So I stood up and went to the bathroom to blow my nose. I looked in the mirror at the same time I reached up to my eyes to wipe tears away.
I saw the sunglasses on my face just as my fingers smashed up against them instead of my eye.
True story. This is why you people need to quit telling me I’m not as dumb as I think I am. You don’t know the half of it.
And I didn’t exactly set any precedents today. When I was in about 4th grade, I was a Girl Scout. Once a week, we got to wear our little uniforms to school, consisting of a green skirt, white blouse, and green over-the-shoulder sash. One morning, I was running late for the bus and could not find my sash! I remember digging frantically through my dresser drawers on the verge of tears because I knew either I was gonna miss the bus or not get to wear my awesome green sash. You know what’s coming. You’re smart, aren’t you.
I ran into the kitchen where my mom was giving my oldest sister Debi some lunch money or something, and with my voice breaking almost into sobs, I asked them if they’d seen my sash. They stared at me much the same way Maggie and Sunny did this morning: are you retarded? Mom started laughing and Debi pointed at my chest and said, “Yeah, I’ve seen it. On you. Right now. Goober.”
Personally, I’m much less disturbed by your sunglasses store and much more impressed that you’d actually remember sunglasses while billions of microscopic bacteria were turning your jawbone into a food source. Heck, under the conditions you described, I’d be hard-pressed to remember pants.
But, that’s just me.
April 25th, 2008 at 5:27 pmThis is a good way to end up dead, but when you are wishing you were dead, you come up with some good ideas. (or so it seems) The Vicodin, and any good bourbon helped my pain.
April 25th, 2008 at 5:38 pmWimp
…Welcome to my woooorrrlllld…
Leave your world behind…..
Won’t you come on iiinnnnnn….
/Sockpuppet off…
April 25th, 2008 at 5:43 pmDougman
I asked my dentist once if he could just cut a hole in each corner of my jaw and snip the nerve bundles to my teeth. “Oh, you wouldn’t want that!” he said. “Wanna bet?”
April 25th, 2008 at 5:44 pmWell, I recently was trying to get the kids together and out the door, but I couldn’t find my keys. Children? Check. Assorted crap in hand? Check. Keys? Uhh, well, it turned out that they were in my hand as well as the assorted crap. I’d picked them up first so as not to forget them.
As a friend of mine with dark hair says, everyone has blonde moments. I fear that my father-in-law might be closer to the truth when he calls them senior moments.
Feel better.
April 25th, 2008 at 5:46 pmWithout a doubt the worst pain I ever felt was when a tooth abscessed on me, followed by an infection from the root canal that was supposed to fix it. I remember wondering whether my head would implode or explode, and which would be more traumatic for the family. I also wondered how it could be that the left side if my face was not swollen and purple like in the old cartoons. My dentist gave me antibiotics the size of Hebrew National Franks and a handful of vikes. The vikes took care of the part of my brain that noticed the pain, but the real miracle was the antibiotics. I wanted to french kiss my dentist, but I hear they’re a little squeamish about such things.
My wife tried the “oh yeah, try childbirth” joke, but I wasn’t having any of that, since nobody gives birth out of their skull.
April 25th, 2008 at 6:06 pmBAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
This mental picture is killin’ me!
I am so sorry for your agony, but damn, that was the funniest thing I’ve read since your last poop story. I was just laughing out loud at my desk and now here comes my teen son to read your latest escapade, Rachl Lukis…
April 25th, 2008 at 6:08 pmI’m *really* surprised that your dentist didn’t give you a prescription before you left the office. Was that not even mentioned?
By sheer coincidence, someone I know had a root canal yesterday at the endodontist, and she was given a prescription for a weeks worth of penicilln as a matter of course.
Regarding your assertion that “I’m not that smart”, I call bullshit.
April 25th, 2008 at 6:08 pmInfections in the bone are AWWWWWWFUUUUUL. Hell, you should see what they do to the bones themselves- they eat it away like acid. Fortunately, you got to it quickly, and bone grows back.
This is the sort of shit that made primitive man’s lifespan average out to thirty-something. Dental abcesses used to be a huge killer…
April 25th, 2008 at 6:09 pmMy worst was having 3 wisdom teeth removed with just some Novocaine to help (I ws still nursing, and could not freaking wean her, so I gave up and just went in) and then ended up with dry socket. Oh my. Vicodin barely took the edge off. I thought I was going to die. Then my dentist shoved a big old pack of clove oil in there and it was heaven. HEAVEN I TELL YOU!
I swear, I would have so many fewer health problems without kids.
Okay, I love them to death, but I’ve been putting off fixing my sinus infections/pain/evil horror hell for years now. I’m finally working on it… and 8 months later some of the pain is gone. (Step one was the wisdom teeth…)
April 25th, 2008 at 6:10 pmNo joke. My father was almost paralyzed after a staph infection got into his backbone. Not fun at all.
That one originated from a Demoral injection that the local clinic gave him after he did something to his back while stacking and chopping wood, and complicated by the fact that most of the doctors in Northern Nevada outside of Reno are incompetent hacks.
April 25th, 2008 at 6:16 pmAnd some not so primitive, Ramses II likely died from an infection in his jawbone.
April 25th, 2008 at 6:35 pmOK, Mom. I’m onto you! You’re not really Rachel Lucas from Dallas, you’re my mother from Las Vegas! I was suspicious when the medical transcription columns appeared with doctors who were as stupid as one’s I’d heard described on the phone.
Now that you’ve exactly described my jaw pain and my upcoming root canal to everyone, I’m absolutely sure it’s you! The fact that mine is scheduled for a Tuesday is a little too convenient, don’t you think?
April 25th, 2008 at 6:41 pmAwwww! I know you said “no sympathy necessary,” but I’ve been there and done that — in hideous pain, on the floor, with the weeping and the dogs — and the recollection brought tears to my eyes!
Luckily for me, mine was ‘only’ back pain — I have a theory that pain perception increases exponentially as an inverse function of the distance from one’s eyeballs, so jaw pain? Waaaay up there!
Now glasses, much like keys, are evil, capricious things. They have the ability to vanish and reappear at will. This they do primarily when one is in a tearing hurry, so as to have the most satisfyingly dramatic effect. That accounts for why the wretched keys that were not in the bag, are suddenly at one’s fingertips. It also explains why my spectacles, which I cannot see without my spectacles, take such glee in playing hide-and-go-seek on the nightstand. I used to chalk their perverse behavior up to ‘estrogen moments’ on my part, but now? No more!
April 25th, 2008 at 6:56 pmRachel, sorry, but you’re not stupid.
Once I had a job in Paris, France but I hurt my back pretty badly before I had to fly out. There was no getting out of the job, I had to go.
I was in excrutiating pain, the kind where it’s hard to breathe and every little movement made it worse. And lovelier still to be stuck on an international flight in coach.
But I was loaded up on bourbon and vicadin, etc (I know, I’m bad) to try to ease the pain. Unfortunately it also obliterated my capacity to think.
I got off the plane in Paris and lumbered my way right outside and looked for the van that was supposed to pick me up. It dawned on me minutes later that I had forgotten to go to baggage claim and get my two very large bags full of clothes, toiletries and equipment. (All the other guys on the job had their bags - that was my big clue. I should have bags too, I said to myself).
Going back into the airport and past customs was strictly forbidden.
But I did it anyway. I knew all that I had to do was shrug my shoulders and apologize for being a “stupid American” and say I cannot read the signs, etc. I pretended just to be lost. The frenchies laughed and let me go about retrieving my bags. “Of course you are lost - you are a stupid American!” is exactly what their expressions said.
Anyway, you can blame the pain and the drugs.
April 25th, 2008 at 7:05 pmBeen there - all of it. You have lots of sympathy from me.
April 25th, 2008 at 7:15 pmHa. Stuff like that happens to me ALL.THE.TIME. I blame it on the kids, the husband, and graduate school, but somewhere deep down inside…I know it’s me.
April 25th, 2008 at 7:51 pmInstead of crying, I just yell “goddammit!”. A lot.
If I cried, I’d have permanent tear marks on my face. Shit happens, it just seems like it happens to some of us more often than to others. (And after awhile it just gets. to. you.)
I expect Rachl Lukis to be back in fine form by Monday…
April 25th, 2008 at 8:04 pmI’m notorious for leaving the cordless phone in the damndest places.
April 25th, 2008 at 8:13 pmOne day when I was talking to my friend (on the phone) I walked by the empty cradle and I actually thought “Wonder where I left it this time”
I walked around the house checking the usual places (refrigerator, pantry, etc.) Then I realized “Holy Shit! I’m a Retard!”
I actually said it out loud, My friend said “yeah, I know. What’d ya do now?” I explained, and she said “Holy Shit! You ARE a retard”
Nice to know we were in agreement.
Pain will do that to you, Rachel. Give yourself a break. Feel better soon!
April 25th, 2008 at 8:16 pmWhen my youngest was an infant I was at the store with my three kids. I actually went into panic mode and started screaming “Where’s the baby?” You know where she was? In my arms. Now that’s pretty damn bad! That was basically the last straw. I went to the doctor within a few days to find out my thyroid gland wasn’t working enough. It was making me insane!
April 25th, 2008 at 9:08 pmHope you feel better tomorrow!
Totally feel your pain..been on the floor cryin and screaming through my closed mouth so everyone would keep askin me to repeat myself..bad idea..it included *&^%*$?$ and so forth.
April 25th, 2008 at 9:14 pmBefore I had back surgery,I had pain that was so unbearable that I could barely walk..I thought that was as bad as it could get. theeeeen I went to the dentist and whatever he friggin did caused me enough pain that I actually called my mother “mommy”….lets just say thats a big thing.
Took enough Darvocet to..well apparently not enough to help but it never does with TMJ..which is a large part of what the dipstick dentist aggravated.
I’m so glad you’re better and I’ll agree with Redhead Infidel,the sunglasses thing made me laugh my ass off heh.
I’m SO glad to know that I’m not the only one to have to include the refrigerator on the list of places to find misplaced items:)
April 25th, 2008 at 9:26 pmI was having a beer with God earlier and took the opportunity to ask: Hey, what’s the deal with the hurt being put on Rachel. Well, God said: Part of the contract. Rachel gets the links to the Instapundit, to the Grapevine to what all. When becoming a VOICE and such one is required to do the ritual. You see, an artist, even one using the blunt instrument, must suffer for the art. Eh? Maybe more so with the blunt thingy. But the dogs? Genius!
I had another beer.
April 25th, 2008 at 9:27 pmThe phone thing totally reminded me of the time I was outside using the cordless. I had to run to the store real quick and forgot to put the phone back in the house. The next day I was going crazy looking for the phone when I remembered I had used it outside. I went out to look for the phone…and there it was. In the middle of the street and all smashed up from the cars that had run it over. In my haste I had left the phone on the back of the car and drove off, dumping it on the street. I thought that was pretty funny.
April 25th, 2008 at 9:34 pmJanna Says:
Me too - so much so, that the last time I got myself a cordless I got one where you can press a button on the base station and the handset beeps to let you know where it’s hid itself..
For me, an absolute necessity.. heh
Now, if only they could put the same technology into glasses etc.
April 25th, 2008 at 9:41 pmI had one of those infections in college, only they couldn’t figure out exactly where it was. The abscess didn’t show up on any x-rays. The doctors knew there was one in there somewhere, they just couldn’t find it. It took 10 days for the pain to finally focus itself onto one tooth so they could find out where the infection was and deal with it. In the middle of those 10 days I took 5 college finals. I actually managed to pass 4 of them. The prof for the 5th gave me a second chance after a phone call from my dentist.
When the infection finally hit one of my tooth roots all the pain that permeated my entire head suddenly focused onto that one tooth. I ran into the dentists office babbling like the village idiot on speed. He reached out and tapped the tooth I was pointing to. When I screamed, he set me into the chair, grabbed the drill and drilled right into the root of the tooth. When the drill hit the root, all the pressure was vented and the pain went away.
After the Dentist got my mouth and face cleaned up he set about preparing to do a proper root canal on that tooth. He was about half way through the root canal before he realized that I hadn’t had any Novocaine yet. When he asked why I hadn’t said anything. I told him, after the last 10 days, the root canal wasn’t so bad.
He shot me full of Novocaine and I fell asleep while he finished the root canal.
You have all my sympathy Rachel. Don’t worry about doing stupid things during this time. My friends tell me I was did some marvelously idiotic things during my 10 days in hell.
April 25th, 2008 at 9:52 pmWorst pain I’ve ever witnessed was a liberal trying to pull his head outta his ass.
But, it was funny to watch.
You Rachel, on the other hand, made me cringe in empathetic shivers in describing your agony.
Glad you got to the Dr., got the pills, and got that blessed relief.
Get well, be well and have fun with the rest of the dental repairs.
Oh, and don’t rent Three Days of the Condor. ‘Cause it’s just not safe.
Jim
April 25th, 2008 at 10:04 pmSloop New Dawn
Galveston, TX
A couple of years ago, I broke a molar while eating. Actually, it cracked and a small bit broke off.
The next morning while brushing my teeth, the rest of it went. Practically the whole tooth above the gumline.
So I knew I would need a crown. I went to the dentist, and he said I would need a root canal before I got the crown.
So, fine. He referred me to a specialist and I got the root canal. It wasn’t too bad, painwise, but it seemed to take forever.
I then went back to my primary dentist to get the crown. About two weeks later the tooth started to hurt. It got worse and worse, and I went back to the dentist.
It turned out that he had cracked the root while inserting the pin for the crown, and infection set in under the tooth. After all of that work, the tooth had to be extracted.
April 25th, 2008 at 10:11 pmSincerely hoping you feel better. I think it’s pretty safe to say none of us likes it when one of our favorite bloggers is hurting. And we all miss you when you’re gone.
April 25th, 2008 at 10:54 pmStupid things I Do.
By Laughykate.
Attempt to get out of carseat/airline seat while seatbelt still firmly buckled in.(Often)
Push the office door instead of pulling it to open.(Weekly). While it doesn’t sound like much, my co-workers find my retardness on this a highlight to their week.
Forget the alarm code to my house even though i have been punching it in regularly at least twice a day for a year. (Once, however due to bleeding eardrums now alarm code graffitied into beams in garage.)It took fifteen minutes of ear torture for the alarm to eventually reappear in my brain.
Given company credit card to use. Specifically told NOT TO LOSE it. Lose it without leaving my desk. Turn office upsidedown. Cancel credit card. Three months and one office later discover credit card - jammed into the phone book - I was putting it in a ’safe’ place. (Once, but am confident I shall do it again).
Manage to lock myself in a bathroom in London, in an empty house, fifteen minutes before a cab was coming to take me to Heathrow. (Once.) In my defence I did manage to escape by wrecking some tweezers and unscrewing door handle.
I so could go on, but I don’t want to make you all feel too much better about yourselves. Needless to say Rachel, I admire a woman who loses her sunglasses while they are on her face. It’s pure class.
April 25th, 2008 at 10:56 pmDoes Greek mythology count? In one of the myths, Zeus developed a horrendous headache, and he asked one of the other gods to split his head open with an axe. (He’s immortal, so that wasn’t as insane as it sounds.) When the axe struck Zeus’s forehead, the goddess Athena leapt out — fully grown, armed and armored, shouting a war cry.
So Zeus did, in fact, give birth from his skull. And it cured his headache.
April 25th, 2008 at 11:51 pmWell, I often lose my glasses when they’re on my face (not even sunglasses– actual prescription eyeglasses that I cannot see without), and my keys when they’re in my hands. The worst though, is carseats. With both kids, I’ve buckled them into their infant carriers, but forgotten to buckle the carrier so that the first turn I made resulted in the carrier tipping over sideways. (Which resulted in an unhappy baby… On the bright side, it only happened once per child) Most recently, I put child #2 into her carseat, then ran around to the other side to make sure child #1 got himself buckled in. About halfway home, child #2 dropped the toy she was playing with and just hopped out of the carseat and onto the floorboard to pick it up. I’ve decided to name my affliction: I suffer from Chronic Scatterbrain Disorder.
April 26th, 2008 at 12:01 amI once left my apartment for work and as a safety check felt down to make sure I had put my belt on. I knew I was prone to forgetting it.
I then realized I had walked out of the apartment without pants on.
I think it’s safe to say you’re smarter than me, though that’s a bit like winning the gold in the Special Olympics.
April 26th, 2008 at 1:25 amOMG LaughingKate I have tears in my eyes laughing.
I’m glad I’m not the only one who does these kinds of things. My husband just rolls his eyes when I ask if he’s seen something (keys usually).
April 26th, 2008 at 1:34 amI have a new plan re keys, Casto - if you are trying to remember to take a food item with you when you are leaving home, leave the keys in the fridge.Works a treat.
April 26th, 2008 at 4:44 amOK if we’re talking stupid things I’ve done ….
Because I can be a very slow learner, on more than one occasion (hallucinating that I have asbestos fingers) I’ve reached into a hot oven to reposition a pan — without a hot pad. Because, you know, I’m only using my finger tips, for a second, and it won’t be THAT hot.
Apparently, this is a lesson I need to relearn once in awhile.
April 26th, 2008 at 5:50 amHi Rachel.
Sounds like a “” kinda thing to me. Keep , He will answer.
“Footprints. Wachel Lukis style“.
For some, that would be an epiphany. I mean, ya got the helmet banner and all that. He knows . He knows your sash story.
Perhaps He answered you.
April 26th, 2008 at 8:32 amI never wear shoes around the house, especially in the summer. When my son was still a toddler, he had a pediatrician’s appointment, I got out of the house, locked the door, strapped him in the carseat, got in the car and started it - only to realize I had NO shoes on at all. I figured the docs office would frown on a shoeless parent, so I ran back in for sandals. (I’ve done that twice actually, but only the one time it was going someplace “important”).
Oh, and I’m glad you’re feeling better. Hope you’re back to 100% soon!
April 26th, 2008 at 9:22 amRachel, you may not be a child of my loins, but you are certainly a child of my heart.
April 26th, 2008 at 9:23 amTeeth have so many suckatude possibilities it’s unbelievable. Hang in, and love those doggies trying to make you feel better.
You don’t call yourself Wachel for nuthin’, sweetie. Heh. I had the exact same thing happen to me in the 3rd grade when I flipped out because I couldn’t find my winter hat - the red and white striped one with the jaunty white pom pom on the top. It was on my damn head the entire time I wailed for it. Been there, done that - I feel your pain.
April 26th, 2008 at 9:32 amI have decided
SENILITY IS AN ADVENTURE
I’m just going to learn to enjoy it.
It’s a whole new day…every half-hour or so.
April 26th, 2008 at 9:39 amThanks for the motivation Rachel. I’m finding a dentist today to deal with the molar pain I’ve been having for about a month now (you know, the one with the crown, of course). Deep down, I know tooth pain doesn’t correct itself, but denial ain’t just a river in Eqypt either. This expenditure will just accelerate my plan of a permanent shunt. The one for easy access to my lifeblood that everyone can tap at will in lieu of the cash I don’t have. :o(
Oh, and Jim @10:44–that’s ‘Marathon Man’ with Dustin Hoffman and Sir Larry Olivier (sp). “Is it safe??” (shudder!)
April 26th, 2008 at 10:31 amBack when I still wore glasses I did the looking-while-wearing thing more than once.
I clip my keys to my belt loop with a carabiner. One day my keys vanished off the belt loop, carabiner and all. I searched everywhere–no keys. I triple-checked all my belt loops, pockets, etc. I finally gave up and got out my spare set, because even though I don’t usually lose things I like being prepared. Used my spare set all day, got home in the evening, took off my clothes to take a shower. And there were my keys, firmly clipped to the usual belt loop with the carabiner. Been there all FREAKIN’ DAY.
It took me a minute or two to figure it out. Somehow when I’d gone to the bathroom earlier in the day, the keys had fallen INside the waistband of my pants. I’d been carrying them all day, snug up against my hip, still clipped to that belt loop but at the very top of it which had folded over a little.
I can’t think of anything more painful than a nasty dental abscess. Some things just as bad maybe (passing a kidney stone) but not anything certifiably worse. I had a third-degree burn once, a patch about as big around as a large egg on my ankle. The burn hurt when it happened, but the real pain was the nerves growing back as it oh-so-freakin-slowly healed. The daily cleanings were like doing it all over again.
April 26th, 2008 at 11:12 amHey Rachel, You’re not dumb, or at least not any dumber than a lot of the rest of us.
My most idiotic moment in that vein came when I couldn’t find my keys after a night of drinking . . . went back to EVERYWHERE I’d been since the last verifiable use of said keys since that afternoon . . . and after giving up & crashing with the unbelievably nice guy I was with (anyone else would have certainly bailed much earlier) I found them IN MY BACK POCKET. To completely understand how stupendously boneheaded this was picture a key ring of mammoth proportions - it probably weighed 3 pounds, I shit you not. (I had keys to lots of places that year because of work, but wasn’t good enough to have a master key) I found them upon waking up on his couch, thinking groggily “what’s that, a remote or something? It’s really uncomfortable”
So, needless to say this guy thought I was either a Class A certifiable short-bus retard, or that I was trying to get him to take me home. Either way, it was humiliating, seared indelibly into my memory, and I could never look him in the eye again.
April 26th, 2008 at 11:28 amHi Rachel, sounds like you are having fun. An abcess is not funy, but reading your description is hilarious. I had an abcess a few years ago and both it and the root canal hurt like hell. The dentist recommended four Motrin for the pain and it worked remarkably well. I will say back pain is worse.
April 26th, 2008 at 1:16 pmEaraches and toothaches are the worst, bar none. And PaleoMedic, tell your wife I disagree with her. Labor is no fun but at least you have a baby to show for it, whereas abscessed teeth and ear infections serve no purpose except to kill you.
Rachel, I hope you’re feeling better. And if you can get Vicodin or anything with codeine, then take it. If nothing else it will help you to sleep while the antibiotics are doing their stuff.
April 26th, 2008 at 3:21 pmSometimes you can’t find your wife!
Other times (sadly) you can.
One night I was looking for my wife—Lucretia Moniqua Incontinentia de Boyle.
I said, “Hey, Lucretia, my Queen, where ARE you.”
No reply.
Calling on my many years of Boy Scout training, I peered hither.
I scanned thither.
I investigated the possibility of yon.
The case of the missing wife deepened—if deepened is the word I want.
Then I looked DOWN.
Lo (and also behold) there she was!
We were making love.
^
|
punch line
Yup, it’s THAT memorable.
^
April 26th, 2008 at 3:34 pm|
back up punch line in case the main punch line failed to deploy.
My moments include looking for the glasses that were propped on my forehead or actually checking both hands for keys by looking at empty left hand, shifting keys to left hand and THEN checking my now empty right hand.
I’m a wetard
April 26th, 2008 at 4:08 pmshort and stout
here’s my helmet
don’t let my brains drain out
Been there with both the tooth and back pain know how you are feeling,as for losing something try two years looking for favorite boot knife finally giving up and ordering new one,that arrives though post open parcel fine then half an hour later find the one i had been looking for Duh and as for glasses losing those when you need glasses to find them well all the time.
April 26th, 2008 at 5:16 pmOh, I don’t know.
Could you imagine Hitler with an abscess?
April 26th, 2008 at 6:08 pmI’ve had 7 root canals. Two went infectious. the first one I ever had swelled my jaw out as if I’d been in a bar fight and taken it in the right side of my face. For those of you who have the knowledge or the interest, it was #29 tooth. Lower right side, as you look out through your eyes. Kinda like being behind the steering wheel.
Anyway, I remember spending the night on my couch in my leased townhouse. Upstairs, above the garage. Rocking back and forth on the couch. When the pain hit, I’d give ANYthing for someone to take it away. Want my car? Want my foot? Want both feet? Name your price!
In between the pain attacks? I stopped rocking and dared any one to speak. I wanted to KILL! Tear faces off! Beat things and people to a pulp!
THEN, the pain would start its throb, again. What do you want? My arm? BOTH arms with the hands attached? Name your price!
Yeah. That’s what it felt like. And, that was 1986. I STILL remember it! And, once the dentist had numbed my jaw and drilled through the tooth to relieve the pressure on the dying nerve from the fluid and microbial “poop” that had accumulated, I felt SOOO much better!
Nasty things, teeth.
April 26th, 2008 at 6:31 pmOMG!!!! ROFLMMFAO!!!!!
Infected jaw pain that narcotics and alcohol combined won’t touch, check.
Resulting root canal, check.
Senior/blonde moment, check and double check.
You tell it better, however. I’m still crying.
April 26th, 2008 at 6:45 pmDON’T EVER WAIT on a root canal.
I did, and ended up with osteomeylitis.
Half of my bottom teeth are gone, because the infection ate the bone.
I’m so sorry, Rachel.
And childbirth pales in comparison — I had three without drugs, but passed out walking out of the drugstore because of the jackhammer that was my pulse beating in my jaw. I have never been in so much pain. I was literally screaming for the oral surgeon to pull the teeth that were popping out sideways on the left side of my lower jaw. After I woke up and discovered my jawbone had literally dissolved from the infection, I realized just how stupid I really am.
April 26th, 2008 at 7:08 pmOne year later, still having expensive corrective surgery. Oh, and the doc said I am lucky the infection didn’t get to my brain … or maybe it did!
Long story short — NEVER WAIT!
Thank heaven you’re not allergic to the antibiotic, Rachel. Had the same thing happen to me — root canal, had an infection with some kind of anerobic bacteria growing in my jawbone, and the pain was excruciating. Same deal — was prescribed narcotics (the kind they pull the prescription pad out of the safe for) and it didn’t even TOUCH the pain. The guy had to proscribe a double-whammy of Cipro and some horrid thing that would boost its strength (Floxin, I think it was, or something like that). Took two days but eventually it started working — if it hadn’t, the doc was talking about hospitalizing me, and all for one lousy tooth! I had to be on a strict drug regimen: strict meaning, if they said to take the pill every 4 hours, they MEANT every 4 hours. Eventually I was able to stop taking the pain killer but the other drugs went on for 10 days and by then I would have KILLED to get a solid 8 hours of uninterrupted sleep. I don’t see how people can do that for years at a time, it was so miserable. The drug combination also killed the lining on my tongue — my tongue turned black and the taste of rotting meat was in my mouth the entire time, strong enough to make me want to puke after grabbing a couple hours of wretched sleep. Couldn’t use mouthwash because you couldn’t have ANY alcohol in ANY form while taking the drugs. By the end of the ten days, I crashed and slept for 12 hours straight and glorgged down a ton of Listerine, and never before or since has that damn stuff tasted so good. After that I became a total chicken about dentistry work; subsequent root canals have been done under conscious sedation (worth every extra penny!) and each time I’m always terrified that there might be a repeat of that awful infection and that hideous pain. So boy, do I ever feel for you.
April 26th, 2008 at 8:28 pmawww, i’m sorry about that, rachel. i’m glad you’re feeling better and i’ve enjoyed reading all the “embarrassing” stories of forgetfulness. lord knows i’ve had them so many times, i’ve lost count!
April 26th, 2008 at 9:13 pmOK, since the wife doesn’t use the internet very much she won’t know about this.
We had an apartment for a while that was on the third floor and it had a loft in it as well that I used as my office area.
One day while working at the computer my wife comes up to see what the cats are going ape shit over because they were at the window acting like they wanted to kill something.
Upon looking out the window she says “My god, there’s a duck on the roof!” (Our loft window looked out across the third floor roof)
“Yea,” says I,”The cats have been trying to figure out out to get to it.”
“Well we have to do something” She says, “It might fall off and get hurt.”
My wife, one of the smartest women I know, had to be reminded that ducks can fly.
April 26th, 2008 at 9:37 pmHope you feel better soon. I have two broken teeth (eating chocolate), but they don’t hurt (yet).
April 26th, 2008 at 10:51 pmOh, Rachel! I feel so terrible. Tried to call you a couple of times and didn’t get an answer the other day. I figured you were walking the dogs, working, whatever. Hope you weren’t laying on the floor crying while I was wanting to chit-chat! But believe me, I’ve been there/done that with the jaw infections, root canals, bone implants, yada yada. Now I’m like Pavlov’s dog…at the first sign of an infection I immediately start to sweat and go into a panic. I wish Rupert was there to take care of you, too. Where are they when you need them?
April 26th, 2008 at 11:40 pmOh, I really shouldn’t have read this thread. Last Wednesday I got a root canal, first and hopefully only time. Y’all are scaring me a little. =P
I’d say I know how you feel, but I probably felt, at most, about 1/10th of the pain you did. Knock on wood. I don’t have the crown on yet, and apparently even then I won’t be quite out of the woods. x_x
April 27th, 2008 at 2:43 amThis is going to sound trite, but my God, you poor thing… I am so glad you are recovering!! I cannot imagine the pure agony. “Get Well Soon” and all that junk.
April 27th, 2008 at 7:08 amThis was with an abcess.
BTW, I bought some cat food from your new sponsership. I have two tubbies who need it badly. Seriously, they sit in my lap while I watch TV and my feet go numb…
April 27th, 2008 at 9:54 amDo you still have the girl scout uniform???
April 27th, 2008 at 1:37 pmRupert, you ae a complete perv.
April 27th, 2008 at 3:46 pmA good endodontist will perform a root canal with skill and next to no pain.
A great endodontist will make sure you have antibiotics in your hand when you walk out the door. I didn’t even have to go to the drugstore on the way home.
April 27th, 2008 at 4:27 pmHeather,
You are so right.
I also had three, no drugs and- have had my hip relocated no drugs on a leg a car had just crunched.
April 27th, 2008 at 8:43 pmI’ll take any of those over tooth pain.
Wow..I guess I have been lucky. My teeth are awful, they are literally rotting out of my head…. (I used to have a huge soda habit…4 liters of Mountain Dew a day were not unusual)I am that dental phobic. (I have had some extremely bad experiences. Once as a teen, the dentist was literally kneeling on my chest yanking at my tooth. Something about the roots….whenever I have had a tooth pulled the docs have had to break the tooth into three or four pieces and then pull each piece out) I’m sure the dentist would shudder if I ever let one look in my mouth. I’ve had several infections with pain/swelling…at least one was an abscess that burst. (talk about something awful tasting in your mouth) I’ve had a couple of dry sockets also. Pretty painful. The worst part is having to try and downplay/ignore the pain so no one would browbeat me into going to a dentist.
I guess I have just been lucky not to get a bone infection. I have been thinking lately about breaking down and going in and having them put me completely under. (before I lose the ability to chew) I’m actually hoping for permanent implants.
April 27th, 2008 at 9:16 pmRuprt haz a need.
April 27th, 2008 at 10:32 pmOh man, I guess I was lucky. The last dental appointment saw the dentists frowning at the x-ray and saying I needed to go back to the specialist as it appeared there was a small infection at the base of a tooth that had a root canelo some years previously. The specialist took an x-ray and that one showed a much larger infection and our discussion eneded in agreement that the tooth should be yanked. So he sends me back to the dentist. The dentist (not sure, maybe my ex-dentist …) decided it can be saved and wants to make an appointment with the implant specialist I was already scheduled to see. Long syory short … FOUR FRICKIN’ MONTHS after the initial x-ray, the tooth got yanked and the implant got put off because of the raging infection in my upper jaw. I’m not sure whether the root canal had wiped out that nerve, or why I didn’t have any pain … but the bone was eaten away to the extent that we won;t be sure for at least 6 months whether there will be enough bone for an implant.
After your experience, I guess I’m exceptionally lucky not to have experienced that pain … this time. I have, in the past, however …. including once when I actually tried to fit vice grips on my tooth to yank it to stop the pain …
As far as the senior/blonde moment … heh … happens to all of us … I constantly look for my reading glasses … which are ALWAYS found perched on top of my head.
April 28th, 2008 at 9:17 amLOL- Rachel, bless your heart, you just make me laugh my ass off. I sure hope you are feeling better. Never had a root canal, but have had a few toothaches in my lifetime and of course my wisdom teeth pulled.
April 28th, 2008 at 9:18 amI love this story because it could so completely be me. I lose my keys in my hand on a regular basis. Just last night I misplaced my beer on a coaster. And it was only my second beer of the evening.
April 28th, 2008 at 9:44 amNearly the EXACT same thing … in church for a baptism, multiple off-spring running around me as I entertained them off to the side while my wife played Godmother to our friends’ child. I suddenly stopped in a panic and mouthed the words to her “where’s ?!?!?!??!” to which she mouthed the reply with the look of sheer disdain and utter embarrassment for marrying someone so mentally inept “in your frickin’ arms!”
And she was…right there, all along. I, however, have yet to seek medical attention for the disorder.
May 1st, 2008 at 11:15 am