Motivation: I haz it.
I didn’t have time to whip up a Daily Dog today so instead I bring you shit that makes me laugh: fake motivational posters. If I was clever and smart, I would make these myself. I don’t know where they come from or any way to give credit; I get them in emails, this batch from reader Tim.
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Anyone else thinking Timmeh. Timmeh, Timmeh? Timmeh.
The fake motivational ones are from Despair.com. Very funny site and loaded with great gifts for like-minded friends.
June 13th, 2008 at 6:29 pmThere are some good one’s here too:
June 13th, 2008 at 6:33 pmWhoa. That doggie really likes his water time.
June 13th, 2008 at 6:39 pmAwesome. I love the one with the cat and the eagle. I tried to show it to my cats but they just stared blankly. Stupid cats.
June 13th, 2008 at 6:45 pmNeat.
Regards showing the cats, they probably were figuring “So, what are you trying to tell me?”
June 13th, 2008 at 6:59 pmI love the Unique one. It applies to sooo many people I know.
June 13th, 2008 at 7:00 pmI sincerely hope that is NOT a permanant tattoo… but I’m sure it is. YIKES!!!
June 13th, 2008 at 7:07 pmWHARRGARBLE!
That ‘tat’ reminds me of a couple of people I had the privilege of seeing in tank tops last summer. There was one lady who I first thought was draped in some sheer, floral print fabric — nope. It was a tropical floral tattoo that covered her shoulders, except they were rather well upholstered shoulders, which means that as she ages and begins to sag and wrinkle . . . a sort of fleshy shower curtain effect? The other had one of those portrait tattoos — albeit better done, since I was able to identify a nearby child as her daughter from the artwork — but again, on a very substantial canvas! I wonder if the portrait will age — like a digitally aging photo. Or Dorian Gray.
June 13th, 2008 at 7:26 pmThe abandoned clown train–does that have any relationship to a vagina not being a clown car? Think back on that one, Rachel! Absolutely one of the funniest comments I’ve ever read! But, every woman I mention it to gets amazingly pissed off!
I still like it! One of the most cogent social commentaries I’ve EVER read!
June 13th, 2008 at 7:45 pmMy favorites:
“Be Unique”
June 13th, 2008 at 7:49 pm“Incompetence”
“Leadership”
Is that stream actually shooting out of his ass??? High powered enema=no fertilizer necessary! That lawn is awfully green.
Oh, and regarding tats, two words — Nursing. Home. (shudder).
June 13th, 2008 at 8:04 pmImagine what all the tramp stamps will look like in 50 years. The butterflies will flap their wings, the roses will wilt off the vine and the oh-so-decorative scrollwork will become a mishmash of snaky lines leading to the grand canyon.
Let’s just say I saw two really freaky tats as a Certified Nursing Assistant that both inspire mention.
A cherry that fell off the tree, and an anchor that hit bottom.
Did I mention that those two precious little items were tattooed on their sacks?
Quoting the site:
June 13th, 2008 at 8:05 pmHey, who knew that a sprinkler head could be used as a Water Pik?
That clown train gives me the creeps. It looks like it is pleading for something.
“Help me. He-e-e-l-p me!”
June 13th, 2008 at 8:09 pmOh, and I’ve been in love with those oh-so-astute demotivators since I started working and saw the horrifically pathetic real ones posted at HRS. It’s gorge inducing to a thinking homo sapien.
June 13th, 2008 at 8:16 pmHere’s one for …
Here are two of my , you pick your two … (I *tink* I know which physicsgeek will choose)
And I like
but has the all time best — note doggydildodog.
is for mightysam
And here’s a for later.
That’s WHARRGARBL picture is a great start to the weekend. Dog + sprinkler = endless laughs.
June 13th, 2008 at 8:35 pm
June 13th, 2008 at 9:13 pmHave fun.
Am I wrong or does the freaky popped-collar guy look like a young green-obsessed John Malkovich?
June 13th, 2008 at 9:25 pmKind of a younger, and god help me even homlier and more inbred trait-bearing, version of — or .
‘except they were rather well upholstered shoulders.’
Felicity, loving that description!
And I’m sorry, but clowns are just plain out and out CREEPY. I can’t look at them cause they mess with my brain and make me feel uneasy.
June 13th, 2008 at 9:38 pmThe last one almost made me pee myself.
That’s funny.
June 13th, 2008 at 9:56 pmHoly fuhckmeintheasscuzi’myourbitchboy, Batman.
June 13th, 2008 at 9:58 pmThat crazy beyotch over yonder is still posting about you … I’m inclined to offer her a life, or perhaps 1/2 a heart container, for 50 rupees, or an instant glare heart-stopper addition to the batbelt. Then at least she’d have the teeniest bit of warmth in her frigid Mz. Freeze body …
Laughykate, my fiance is freaked out by clowns too and I’ve got to say, I agree with her. If Ronald McDonald had turned up at my 6th birthday party, I probably would have crapped myself.
June 13th, 2008 at 10:00 pmCongrats Rachel
You’re in a conservative babe poll at aces:D
June 13th, 2008 at 10:43 pmhM,
The Boss and I both loved those photos — so cool! The wry wit was a bonus!
Thanks, Laughykate! Now I just wish I could purge the image from my poor brain!
June 13th, 2008 at 11:28 pmfelicity, Nicki, Jennifer, hm, maya:
June 13th, 2008 at 11:53 pmThoughts on the Malkovich post? Could be just me that sees it …?
I get all my best ones from
They invented lolcats, funny motivational posters, and sarcasm. Seriously…cant.get.enough.
I could read fark for hours and not consume half of what was posted. Honestly, most internet mimes that get spread around seem to start on Fark. Plus, they always have the best news stories for blogging fodder.
June 13th, 2008 at 11:54 pmAt : your chance to vote for egg nog snogging a leather clad Rachel in a broken elevator.
June 14th, 2008 at 12:04 am14,564+change,
Oh, hai dere! I was busy laughing over all those posts that just kind of popped up out of nowhere all of a sudden!
Malkovitch? mmmmayyybe. But what’s with the effing short sleeves in the snow??? That’s just too weird!
June 14th, 2008 at 12:11 amfelicity,
Hai back dere! The sheer number of collars reminds me of the 5 pairs of legwarmers worn in the eighties to color coordinate …
It’s a mathematical formula:
Length of short sleeves in snow + height of suspension on yer truck/by IQ = actual penis size.
Yep. From there, and I own it.
June 14th, 2008 at 12:17 amf - seems I posted a naughty, cuz I got moderated, my work here iz DONE!
June 14th, 2008 at 12:21 am[Heh heh heh. It’s cleared now and it actually wasn’t in moderation but in the black hole of the Akismet spam folder, for the naughty word was PENIS. Because if that word weren’t on the Spam list, oh mah gawd. If I had a dollar for every spam comment for PENIS! ENLARGEMENT! PILLS! that try to show up here, I would have approximately five beeeeellion dollars. I would pay someone to figure out a way to automatically clear regular commenters’ comments even with the dreaded word PENIS within them, because folks, the fact of the matter is, PENIS is a funny word. Which is why I keep typing it. And after this edit, I’m probably going to have to re-clear this comment. PENIS! - Love, Rachel]
Possibly several — LOL! — but I think you got your point across!
June 14th, 2008 at 12:23 amCheck back tomorrow, I just posted a mathematical formula for short-sleeved popped collar boasters that included the p-word — wordpress is my pursed-lip nunnish librarian : ) EDIT: Knuckles sore from the ruler whap … Jake and Elwood just popped into my head! Sister Mary Stigmata and her bat-like presence.
Jake: YES! YES! JESUS H. TAP-DANCING CHRIST… I HAVE SEEN THE LIGHT!
June 14th, 2008 at 12:27 amReminds me of a story I read in a Dear Abby column one time:
A pair of elderly women were in a beauty salon when a young woman came in. As the young woman sat down, the elderly women noticed she had a tattoo of a rose on her left breast. One of the elderly women leaned over to the other and whispered “Little does she know that when she gets to be our age she’ll have a long-stemmed rose”.
June 14th, 2008 at 12:56 amMighty,
June 14th, 2008 at 12:59 amSee my comment at 8:04 for a front-line analysis of droopy tats.
Been there, done that, bleh.
June 14th, 2008 at 2:08 am
You go here. You go here and vote for Rachel or you die!
June 14th, 2008 at 2:26 amSrsly.
Vote for the right candidate. Teh hot chick in leather. Packing the nog.
Ann Coultier is kicking her tiny shiny hiny. This. Can’t. Happen.
Do it now.
Yes, get there and vote, guys. Rachel’s only rating 8%. We can’t have that! heh
June 14th, 2008 at 4:40 amYes, but Ann Coulter has Johnny Walker Blue. Sorry, no contest.
If Rachel had Macallan 25, that would be a different story.
If you think it through, you really wouldn’t want to quaff eggnog in a confined space with anyone.
June 14th, 2008 at 5:02 amHi
June 14th, 2008 at 5:29 amI’ve been meaning to send you my own loldogz. Bundy, on the right says “EEEEEEEEEEuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuw! !”
Meggie on the right says “Wuzn’t me!”
er, meggie on the left… sheesh
June 14th, 2008 at 5:29 amWho are these voters? Captain Kirk? I call unfair advantage, because banging a “bespeckled” chick with mudslides is winning … itz teh silent geek majority!
That ain’t a nitpick, people. That is a whole new level of “out of context.” Although, given the audience, I suppose it’s a two-fer — “bespeckled & bespectacled” …
June 14th, 2008 at 8:52 amHeh. I had one of these hanging in my office for seven years before I donated it to the lounge at corporate headquarters. Most people still don’t know what it really says. It’s my little stealth parting gift to the administration.
June 14th, 2008 at 9:48 amDuly voted. Granted, Michelle Malkin is hawt and personally I think Cassy Fiano should be in there too, but there’s just no substitute for Rachel dressed as a biker chick.
Rupert, you’re a very lucky man. I wouldn’t ever make her angry, though. You wouldn’t like it when she’s angry.
June 14th, 2008 at 11:38 amLucky there are so many euphemisms!
e.g.:
willy,
john thomas,
bits and pieces,
dangly bits,
and?
(and if that isn’t a thread jack, I don’t know what is!)
14,564+change Says:
Once upon a time, one of The Boss’s profs made a similar observation:
“The I.Q. of a driver is inversely proportional to the number of running lights on his pickup truck.”
voted, but she’s still stuck at 8% — bah!
June 14th, 2008 at 12:23 pmAWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!
June 14th, 2008 at 12:28 pmSome good ones here:
June 14th, 2008 at 12:29 pmAnd my personal favorite:
Frank & Beans
[When Ted gets his genitals stuck in the zippers]
Charlie Jensen: Is it the frank or the beans?
Ted: I don’t know, both I guess.
Warren: [from outside] Franks and Beans! Franks and Beans!
Mary’s Step-Father: Oh man! How’d you get the beans above the frank?
June 14th, 2008 at 12:33 pmfelicity,
PADAWAN ALERT — ear muffs and eye patches …
And now, because there’s always a song.
Sawree Rachel, it CAME from screwtube, but I found it on someone else’s site. Mild self-flagellation performed
June 14th, 2008 at 12:39 pm14,564+change Says:
They’re both out — w00t! Time for a quick listen before I run back out to hand things to The Boss in tie-rod Hell — almost done!
Hah! Now, not another comment* — not even a wafer thin one! — must go be good wife!
*Edit: I mean I can’t read another — until I come back for another AC break :)!
June 14th, 2008 at 1:32 pmI’m going to have to save a copy of that WHARRGARBL poster. That’s what my job as a technical writer is like approximately half of the time. The rest of the time, it’s like Waiting for Godot.
June 14th, 2008 at 2:36 pmReally — the part where nothing happens twice or the part with the autoasphyxia discussion …?
*ducks and covers*
June 14th, 2008 at 3:19 pmThe part where nothing happens twice. Autoasphyxia isn’t really a part of technical writing anymore, although I have been in the business long enough to remember a time when we were expected to wear neckties to work. These days, they’re satisfied if we wear pants. (And now I work from home, so even that is optional. But perhaps I’ve said too much.)
June 14th, 2008 at 3:25 pm14,564+change:
sorry, been skimming the comment each time I check in, just now caught this.
Yes, totally aggree with the Malko comparison. I really like Malkovich, but this twat with the popped collars (four? are you serious?) is reminding me of him so much I have to be careful not to transfer my creeped-outness onto Malkovich.
And tangentially related: have you noticed that it’s the wimminfolk that seem to have the strong feelings about Malko? I don’t hear menfolk talk about him or bring him up in conversation ever.
June 14th, 2008 at 3:33 pmhehe, you’re funny!
June 14th, 2008 at 5:05 pmcommencing 14,564+change’s thread-jack:
personal favorites:
trouser snake
ol’ one-eye
purple-headed yogurt slinger
pedro
(yes, stolen from a )
let’s see if this makes it through the de-spammer
June 14th, 2008 at 6:27 pmwhy lookie there. just did a post with alternative names for the manhood, and the de-spammer got it!
[Heheh. I had to search for the offending bit of that one Maya and you are going to laugh at what it was:
“pee-pee”
Yes. Because it turns out, unsurprisingly I suppose, that “pee-pee” is a common phrase in porn spam. Niiiiice. WTF is wrong with people? - Rachel]
June 14th, 2008 at 6:28 pmAlso, I find it interesting that the comment Mata Hari just responded to because it was funny is the very same I was going to show as a perfect example of why I love all you guys so much: For being just as funny as the content on which we are commenting. Get minds think alike, I guess.
June 14th, 2008 at 6:30 pmI love everyone in here, you make me smile every single time! It’s crazy!
June 14th, 2008 at 6:52 pmAwww, you girls are so sweet. I’ll say it again, but if it weren’t for the regular commenters here, this blog wouldn’t have much of a point. I adore every single one of you.
June 14th, 2008 at 7:14 pmThe ones you posted are just the tip of the iceberg. My husband has downloaded so many of these and they are all hysterical - but I won’t give the site because he also picks up viral badness once in awhile - the risk you take for walking the mean streets of internet humor.
June 14th, 2008 at 8:27 pmSame here! I feel like an obnoxious puppy trying to run with this amazing pack of minds — yay!
June 14th, 2008 at 11:07 pmThe motivation pics are great, but can they beat the viking kittens??
June 15th, 2008 at 2:04 amIt’s Uhtred and Ragnar — Miaaaaaaaa-ow!
June 15th, 2008 at 7:25 amFrom fargus’ 12:29 pm link above:
June 15th, 2008 at 8:08 amOr the
June 15th, 2008 at 10:38 ammightysamurai,I saw some with emos.
One said
another one was
Theres a gun board with some damn funny ones on,
And it even has a (96 pg long) daily cat thread,
Some of those guys are funny as hell, and some need to get their meds checked….
June 15th, 2008 at 11:13 amThis makes me think of .
This is the long version — you just need to see the first part.
June 15th, 2008 at 11:21 amEd,
Here’s my favorite emo deomotivator:
WTH does someone who looks like that do for a living, fer chrissakes?
June 15th, 2008 at 11:57 amOh good Lord!
I think they tell people if they don’t give them money they’ll follow them around.
Someone needed to get sent to military school…
heres a link to making old school ones,
June 15th, 2008 at 12:44 pmMy favorite….
Conservative babes… Wachel dressed as a biker chick wins. Even though I think Wachel is a bit more of a libertarian.
June 15th, 2008 at 7:12 pmI don’t know why, but something about this thread reminds me of the .
June 16th, 2008 at 7:30 amMightysam, that’s a classic! I’m sending my son there tonight … he and his father will get suck a kick out of it!
June 16th, 2008 at 9:26 amBWHAHAHAHAHA
Where did that come from?
As you have probably ascertained, it was supposed to be SUCH …
June 16th, 2008 at 9:56 amI haveno idea who you are. I just clicked ona link on someone elses blog. But I have to thank you for the extremely painful laughs. I am actually wiping away tears. I love your dog.
June 18th, 2008 at 3:40 am