Extremely important mystery solved.
It was on the news all weekend so it must be Very Compelling:
That thing washed up on the beach in Long Island. “News people” went around asking random citizens just what in the hell is that thing?!? And the word “monster” was thrown around pell-mell and haphazardly because people are silly.
Now some zoologist has had to rain on the crazy parade with an unexciting and perfectly logical theory: , for pete’s sake.
He even has cool graphics to explain it and best of all, phrases you just don’t get to see often enough, like “defleshed snout.”
(I can’t wait to see if 14K demotivatorizes that picture. I’m scared just thinking about it.)
14K hasn’t made an appearance yet but Maya and Jim are handling things quite…handily. From Maya:
From Jim Carson:
Oh there she is! 14 K:
Racoon, my ass. It’s La Chupacabra.
August 4th, 2008 at 3:14 pmditto. nailed it. BAM!
August 4th, 2008 at 3:15 pmIf you look closely at it’s paw, did it die, flipping us off?
August 4th, 2008 at 3:16 pmWho needs a zoologist? I’m sure Maggie would’ve been more than happy to perform an “analysis” on the corpse.
August 4th, 2008 at 3:19 pmYuk.
August 4th, 2008 at 3:24 pmI thought it was a passed out sunburned Paris Hilton after a wild weekend of partying on the beach myself.
Then again, I don’t look closely at these things. On purpose.
August 4th, 2008 at 3:27 pmWhatever it is, I’ll bet Sunny would eat it.
August 4th, 2008 at 3:28 pmI thought it was a Nancy Pelosi/Harry Reid love child that didn’t survive.
August 4th, 2008 at 3:40 pmThank gods either that it isn’t and that it didn’t.
August 4th, 2008 at 3:57 pmI never would’ve thought that was a racoon.
August 4th, 2008 at 4:22 pmThanks for that, Raving Lunatic. Now where did I put my brain bleach??
August 4th, 2008 at 4:22 pmHas anyone checked to see if Dubya’s still alive? I read on the internet that when they die, our evil jooooish(!!!) lizardoid masters turn back to their alien forms.
Anyway, that’s what David Icke says *drinks more Kool-Aid*.
August 4th, 2008 at 4:33 pmSunny thinks it looks like a particularly tasty example of porky goodness. Hand it over, b*tch!
August 4th, 2008 at 4:37 pmOK, gauntlet’s been thrown down, I’m sure 14k will kick my butt.
August 4th, 2008 at 5:00 pmI still say it’s a dog. Er. Was a dog.
August 4th, 2008 at 5:18 pmReminds me of the thing that wound up in my driveway. Except I had a lot less to go on, my corpse was bones, skin, paws, fur and some guts.
August 4th, 2008 at 5:20 pmYou of all people Rachel! You know very well that zoowhatever works for The Government (or Trilateral whatever). Of course he’s not going to tell us what it REALLY is! Now if you’ll excuse me, I’ve got to fire up the videocam and get some shots of those black helicopters circling my house.
August 4th, 2008 at 5:30 pmThat kinda looks like my ex-girlfriend.
August 4th, 2008 at 5:32 pmAugust 4th, 2008 at 5:36 pm
BAN DIHYDROGEN MONOXIDE!
IT’LL FLENSE THE FLESH RIGHT OFF YOUR BONES!
FLESH, HELL, IT EATS RIGHT THROUGH ROCK!!!!!!!!
August 4th, 2008 at 5:52 pmSomething new from Taco Bell. — Dave Letterman
August 4th, 2008 at 5:52 pmHere’s a couple of thoughts. Don’t have a lot of time — advising all day so I could only do a quick check in! I LOVE THE NEW FORMAT, Rachel.
August 4th, 2008 at 6:03 pmHere’s another, Rachel!
August 4th, 2008 at 6:44 pmI don’t know - but what’s that one big, wide tooth in the upper jaw? I’ve seen a lot of racoons, and that just seems wrong to have been one.(There were a few more pix on FoxNews where you got a better view of the mouth & upper tooth.)
August 4th, 2008 at 6:45 pmBut, WTF - I’m old. what the hell do I know?
Another follower of the Obamessiah finds out the hard way that you really can’t walk on water.
August 4th, 2008 at 10:16 pmA little Matt and Trey, celebrity twist.
August 4th, 2008 at 11:29 pm*
i pulled its freaky little brother out of one of my rain barrels about 10 days ago.
turned out to be a denuded squirrel. got pics somewhere.
*
August 5th, 2008 at 12:56 amEveryone knows you don’t fix coon with an apple in its mouth. You stuff sweet potatoes in the cavity where the guts were removed and bake ‘em. Damn redneck wannabes! Don’t know nutthin’ ’bout cookin’ no roadkill! What’s this world a comin’ to?
August 5th, 2008 at 8:20 amThe joke that will never. Fucking. Die!
Al.
August 5th, 2008 at 9:45 amWow, when 14k gets rolling, 14k gets rolling!
I think I like “CSI Jupiter” best.
Still looks like El Chupacabra to me, though.
August 5th, 2008 at 10:02 amHoly crap. That is freaking scary and gross. Nice posters though!
August 5th, 2008 at 10:25 amThanks, Rachel! I learned a new word!
One of our neighbors is the local (in the most flattering sense, that’s sort of small time livestock broker). He’s not well fenced, so things kind of wander the neighborhood, and his place is covered with the remains of “failed investments.” I’ve often compared it to a livestock version of the So now I have a name for what we’re doing when we come across one of his hapless strays and try to work out which rogue beast has met its demise — taphonomy!
August 5th, 2008 at 1:38 pmBill- got a link to the story with the better pictures?
Without looking, I’d say it’s probably either the jaw itself having lost several teeth, or else a carnassial, the carnivoran equivalent to molars…
August 5th, 2008 at 2:23 pm