After studying chemistry for 8 hours on Saturday and 8 more on Sunday (I really, really want an A on tomorrow’s test), my brain felt sharp as a tack. Honestly, it did. Then I remembered, no matter how educated I get, I’m still a booger-eating moron on account of disliking Barack Obama (because he’s black), so I took a shot of Wild Turkey and had a Democrat show me how to use the interwebnets to navigate to Huffington Post.
To my enormous benefit, right there on the front page were new posts by three of the most brilliant, enlightened, reasonable humans ever to have been born. I know that’s what they are because they’re famous and are capable of something only true geniuses are capable of: singing and/or acting. On camera. Can you or I do that? Can we read words off a page that someone else wrote, or hit a high C?
I THINK NOT.
So I struggled valiantly through their posts, with frequent assists from my Democrat Helper, and I learned so much.
by Barbra Streisand:
McCain has illustrated his lack of judgment time and time again. Not only did he pick an unqualified running mate, but he supported the Bush Doctrine, this preemptive, unnecessary war in Iraq, a war that Barack Obama was against from the beginning. Five years later, the war continues, costing the American public $435 million a day — money that is desperately needed here at home.
So, as the war wages on and the economy continues to falter, as the government spends billions bailing out companies from bankruptcy, who is left to pay the bill? The American taxpayers — the people who are working harder for less and are watching their 401K, pensions and life savings disappear. Barack Obama is fighting for these people.
We need a President Obama, a man of intelligence, integrity and vision, to end the war, to lift us out of this economic storm, and to lead this country back on the road to prosperity.
Yes Babs! Yes! He’ll lay his hands on it all and everything will start smelling like unicorn farts.
Speaking of farts.
by John Cusack:
Palin is a gateway drug to a back-alley brawl Obama can’t win. A Joseph Conrad-produced reality show/sitcom with Palin replacing Roseanne Barr fighting for the little guy with sass and sex. Wonderful.
Watch McCain repeat “maverick” 300 times a day, like a mantra, ’til Election Day. Republicans and hockey moms against corruption and Lear jets. Orwell for second graders: distraction and chaos, phony scandals and bullshit patriotics from the crew that would install an inexperienced neophyte — not even put through the crucible of the national stage — a heartbeat away from the greatest nuclear arsenal the world has ever known, and not blink. Darkest reptilian politics that speak to the ultimate calcified cynicism of Republicans.
…Obama needs to explain to the country what this will cost us in real terms — however many billions a day in Iraq and what that could buy, repair, fix, and allow in human terms — ask us if can we afford it, and Obama must — to use imagery the neocons can understand — knock them down, put his boots on their throats, and never let up.
Oh baby, that’s so hot. There you go, finally using werds ah kin unnerstan’.
Knock down! Boot throat! Neocon smash!
My Democrat Helper and I had to spend a little extra time on Cusack here, because when we got to the phrase “inexperienced neophyte”, I got all confused ‘n’ shit. I said, “Wait, I thought he liked Barack Obama, isn’t ‘neophyte’ an insult?” but thankfully, my Helper punched me in the sternum and told me not to worry about Obama’s experience level.
BECAUSE THAT’S RACIST.
By this time, my brain – and my sternum – hurt so bad. I asked Helper if we could go outside in camouflage gear to hunt some possums and Mexicans, but I just got another punch for that. Aversion therapy, I think they call it? So we kept reading, and thank the Lord Baby Jesus for making the last one a little easier to understand.
by Sean Penn:
Banks are falling and businesses busting, middle-class Americans are losing their homes in droves, while greedy poison comes a tricklin’ down!!!
But, “the fundamentals are good!” John McCain said they’re good. And he should know, ’cause he was imprisoned 40 years ago in Vietnam. What? Wait a minute – WHAT!?
…The picture of Republicanism in America represented by their convention, seemed more a gathering of self-styled pseudo-cowboys and shallow-eyed Stepford wives, than one of a hearty and loyal opposition.
…I can’t help but reflect on the issues of health and homelessness that our Vietnam veterans faced for decades, just think of the tidal wave of veteran’s issues about to return to our shores. John McCain claims the surge as a “victory.” Well, it’s no victory for the nearly 5,000 American dead. For the hundreds of thousands of civilian dead.
…The divisiveness brought on by the policies of George W. Bush and John McCain has created an emotional civil war. We have to ask ourselves, at what point emotions may even turn to violence here at home.
…This is simply the worst ticket in modern times. And the victory for this country begins with a unified refusal to accept, not only the McCain/Palin ticket, but also the static and shallow conscience of the Republican base. If we are to support hope, in a cycle of history that may be its last, then a vote for McCain/Palin is a vote for cowardice. A vote not backed up by demand and participation, is an impotent one. A vote for hope followed by demand and action to realize it — is an American vote. This November, vote American. Vote imagination. Vote hope. Vote your conscience. Vote for the troops. Vote to make me pay higher taxes. (I owe it to your children and my own.) Vote to put your country first.
Vote to make YOU pay higher taxes? Now that’s something I grasp with every inbred neuron in my shriveled redneck brain. Talk about change I can believe in! Yes we can!
All I need to know is how, and I’ll vote my ass off for that. Is there a checkbox on the ballot for Make Sean Penn Pay Higher Taxes? I’d ask my Democrat Helper but she’s too busy barking at squirrels right now.
I can hit a high C.
And I would trade that in a moment for the ability to write posts such as this.
Aw, and I liked Cusack, too. Now I gotta go and put him in the file of Entertainers Apparently Smarter Than Me. There he goes, right between Sheryl Crow and Matt Damon.
Maggie’s a Democrat??
NOOOO!!!
Ugh. Thank you so much Paul T. for that mental image of a Crow/Cusack/Damon sandwich. Time to get out the mental floss.
Why don’t these boobs stick to playing pretend and singing their little songs?
Hey, fucknuts! I played pretend when I was a little boy. I was pretty good at it. Then I grew up and got a real job. No, you are not smarter than me.
EAT ME. Then FOAD. Please.
Immediately.
Babs: You can afford Belgium, for crying out loud. Don’t talk about what I can or can’t afford since your sense of scale bigger than mine. Just like your [should I bother to go there?].
Cusack: Your style is a gateway drug to overuse of cliched analogy, a back alley Hemingway paperback lying in the rain, words smeared and illegible, darkest echinodermic politics washed in the echoes of ossified optimism. Really, what the hell does that mean?
Spicoli: I think that the “worst ticket” is actually the one I spent $10.50 on to see “I Am Sam” a few years back. If only there was a way to vote to get that money back, you know? Dude? And really, what’s with the veiled threat of violence? And really, you don’t owe my children anything. We’re good.
God I hope they keep running with this “unqualified running mate” meme. Every time they do, another voter wakes up and realizes “Wait, isn’t Barack Obama even less qualified?” They’re practically handing John McCain the election.
Heh. It’s easy to say you’ve been “against [the war] from the beginning” when you weren’t even in Congress to vote on it.
Oh, .
Right. Just like World War II was “no victory” for the 50 MILLION DEAD.
Moron.
Oh for the love of God. You lefties threaten to get violent and smash shit up every single election.
Why don’t you actually DO IT this time? You know, for a change? Instead of wussing out like you always do, start some riots. Track down some “neocons” and try to beat them up. Maybe try vandalizing a few homes with Republican signs out front like you did back in 2004.
COME ON! Get this revolution started already you lazy sacks o’ crap!
Liberals hate cowboys.
John Wayne played a cowboy in the movies.
Therefore, Liberals hate John Wayne.
I could never support any party, movement, or candidate that hates John Wayne. Next we’ll probably find out that Liberals hate their country. Oh, wait . . . never mind.
“For the hundreds of thousands of civilian dead.”
was he perhaps referring to the victims of criminals in our urban sewers run by democrats?
Meanwhile, a storm brews in the Rightwing Blogosphere compliments of some hard work.
Astroturfing Exposed: Its not just used in stadiums with Greek Pillars
Bloggers sniff out anti-Palin astroturf campaign– and the cover up begins
Story is best summarized at MichelleMalkin (link above), but is also at Ace and company. broke the story at midnight last night, and the rats scampered around trying to delete the evidence.
It wasn’t just that he played a cowboy, it’s also the fact that John Wayne is and always was an unapologetically patriotic American.
“Sure I wave the American flag. Do you know a better flag to wave? Sure I love my country with all her faults. I’m not ashamed of that, never have been, never will be.”
— John Wayne
Streisand, Penn and Cusack.
A non-stop first-class ticket to Assclownistan.
Cromagnum,
I think you meant .
Speaking as one who grew up watching Savage Steve Holland films, and endlessly quoting the good bits of “The Sure Thing,” it’s a damn shame to have to relegate John and his works to the bozo bin.
By now one generally accepts that most actors are lefties; but as long as they can keep their more outlandish biases to themselves, they can be appreciated for their talents without the knowledge that they not only wouldn’t care about your appreciation, but would in fact utterly loathe you as a person. It’s one thing to voice an opinion, everyone’s free to do that…but when you start projecting, you should expect to offend, and you should expect a response in kind.
No, John, knocking someone down and putting “boots on their throats” imagery is not only alien to the average “ugly, heartless” conservative you apparently imagine – it’s every bit as repellent to us as most of us would’ve believed it was to you.
Way to raise the bar. I guess if I was a former star whose recent efforts had been received as well as “Martian Child,” I’d be flailing for relevance, too.
Re Cusack: Teh mangling of mixed metaphors, it makes me synapses sore…please, no one tell Cusack that the phrase “inexperienced neophyte,” being oppositionally oxymoronic, best translates out as polished pro. It’s too much fun watching him beclown himself.
Hey, Spicoli? If you want to pay higher taxes, there’s nothing stopping you! The Treasury takes donations! Mail your check to:
Attn Dept G
Bureau Of the Public Debt
P. O. Box 2188
Parkersburg, WV
As for “self-styled pseudo-cowboys and shallow-eyed Stepford wives” I sure hope you’re not saying you’re getting back with Madonna for another Shanghai Surprise, no matter how much your would enjoy it.
Cusack? Nutsack.
Jesus on a stick. I really liked this guy’s movies, from 16 Candles, The Sure Thing, Serendipity, High Fidelity, and especially the insanely good Grosse Point Blank.
Now he goes and ruins it by opening his pie-hole without a script, and shows himself to be just another Democratic Party Talking Points Moron.
Just stick with the acting and leave the thinking to adults, John. Quit harshing my mellow already.
Oh, wait, that would be Spicoli.
Just shut up, John.
I swear I will vote for a dog with a sock on her head before I’d vote Dumbocrap.
Oh for the love of God. You lefties threaten to get violent and smash shit up every single election.
Why don’t you actually DO IT this time? You know, for a change? Instead of wussing out like you always do, start some riots.
I agree with the Mighty Samurai, it’s time you liberal a-sclowns put up or shut up. You wanna wreck things? Give it your best shot and see what happens when the Party of the Second Ammendment steps up, toe-to-toe with your feeble attempts to change the world with violence. We’ll smoke you like a hay fire.
And for those of you Lib-ro-craps who are once again threatening to leave the country if McCain/Saracuda wins in November: four years ago, eight years ago, there were a LOT of empty seats on all those outbound flights to anywhere but here. What happened? Did somebody tell you that we might MISS your sorry a-sses?
AND YOU BELIEVED IT???
This time, grow a pair! Stand up for what you claim to believe in and HIT THE ROAD!!!
You think that photographing your dogs with stuff on their head is funny. Alright, it’s your business, animals occupy a lower moral status than humans, it takes all kinds, blah blah blah–but doesn’t it occur to you that, by publicly identifying a creature helpless to answer back publicly with Obama that you’ve crossed some sort of bright, unmistakeable line, somehow?
Poor Maggie. For her sake, there had better be a Hell.
Babs, Cusack, and Penn (whose dad, Leo Penn, was a big Hitler fan back in the day) are, in order, dumber, dumb, and dumbest.
William Goldman, in his 1977 book Adventures in the Screen Trade, said the reason Hollywood stars insist on behaving like total fools–in this case, by pontificating on matters about which they know absolutely nothing–is simply this: They live in a world in which nobody disagrees with them.
It pisses me off when all these leftwits imply that the financial/housing mess is Bush’s and by extension, the Republican’s fault. All the players are top .
Hey Rachel, that was a lot a word readin to get through before the the cute dog picture. You could have just said: “Incoherent Drivel” and been done with it.
Just for the sake of schadenfreude, I’d like to see respected economists write diatribes on the acting abilities of any celebrity who thinks they can lecture on the economy or politics.
Btw, Mr. Cusack/nutsack/warmed-over 80’s star, we neo-cons understnad the imagery of the boot stamping down on the face forever because we’ve read “1984” and understood the dangers it warns us of, not because we want out political representitives to do it.
I was excited at the prospect of a new Lucas post, until I saw the pictures. I have to apologize, I just could not bring myself to read the garbage spewing from Sean Penn’s cakehole. I’m grumpy enough as it is (lack of sleep and reading “The Case Against Barack Obama”), if I had read it things would end up broken. The first two were bad enough.
It still shocks me that anyone (starlet or not) of the Jewish persuasion would support Obama. There is an obvious history of anti-semitism in his past and most likely his present and future. You can’t switch that kind of brainwashing off, no matter how often you claim your pastor is not the man you used to know. What a crock of shit.
Sorry, even Margaret of the Argyle cannot ease the sting of this post. Is it too early for a medicinal Budweiser? There are no hippies near me to punch, and I refuse to take it out on my asshole cats.
Sheesh. What is it with you people and your bizarre “Jesus on a [blank]” metaphors?
“Jesus on a stick.”
“Jesus on a skateboard.”
“Jesus on a bulldozer.”
“Jesus on an oil rig.”
“Jesus on a Zamboni!”
Come on! Jesus has feelings too y’know! How would you like it if Jesus went around picking you up and sticking you on top of stuff all the time? Huh? Would you like that? Would ya? No, you wouldn’t like that at all. You’ve got important things to do and you don’t need some guy always picking you up and putting you on top of stuff all day.
So stop putting Jesus on top of everything! He’s a busy guy and He doesn’t have time to always be climbing down off of bulldozers, airbuses, muffins, battlestars, tractors, sandwiches, and other things of that sort!
The only thing left of Babs act is her woeful “look at my long, beautiful nails” pose. It does distract from her other shortcomings.
Jesus should be so lucky to be on a Zamboni! I’ve wanted to get on one of those things for the majority of my life.
mongo on a Zamboni!
nope, I’m still on the couch. poop.
mightysamurai – you know you’re just begging for even more outrageous visuals now, don’t you?
Mightysamurai,
Jesus H. Christ in a chicken basket!
The imagery of a diety on a pogo-stick or on-a-whatever is hilarious. I don’t care who you are, that’s funny right there.
To paraphrase LTCG,
Christ-on-a-trampoline, I apologize for that right there, and please be with the starvin’ pygmies down there in New Guinea.
“Jesus on a Zamboni!”
I like the images this brings to mind. But would he be a Red Wings fan?
I think you need to invite Cusak and Penn over to the house, tie 4 possums to their pants, then lock them in the back yard with Maggie.
Mike James – too funny.
Poor Maggy.
I couldn’t read their asshattery stupidity … Just looking at their photos makes me ill.
Anyone else looking forward to ???
for mighty:
“Jesus on a cracker”
Anyway, I have never ever ever ever ever like Cusack. Not as a kid, and not now. I didn’t know what it was about him I didn’t like, but now I wonder if I had some sixth sense to detect moonbat tendencies.
Evidently John Cusack thinks he is one of the characters that he’s played in the movies. Hollyweird needs to STFU.
AKKKKK—!
Now you’ve got Him in a chicken basket and on a trampoline!
STOP PUTTING MY LORD AND SAVIOR ON TOP OF STUFF OR VERILY I SHALL BRING DOWN THE FURY OF THE GOD OF ISRAEL TO SMITE THEE FORTHWITH!!!
I’ll do it. Don’t you think I won’t.
we are so overdue for another civil war. It would be funny too, to see all these Hollywood fucktards who play badasses in the movies pick up a REAL gun and have REAL bullets flying at them.. if any of them had the balls to do so in the first place. Go ahead Spiccoli, talk your talk about emotions turning to violence here at home. Who’s gonna throw the first rock? A waste of a life pussy like you? Bring it.
Ugh. Just ugh. Who really flippin cares what those idiots think.
I like the suggestion of the economist critiquing the acting of those fools. How freakin funny would that be?
Jesus on a wooden stake!
We don’t just need to beat Obama this election, we need to crush him for the sake of our culture. The Hollywood stupids, the biased MSM, the brain-dead Dems all need a thorough humiliation.
In war, victory should be decisive, not marginal. The enemy should be utterly humbled and defeated (see WW2), rather than only marginally held back (see Gulf War 1). Obama, while sincere in his dim-witted Socialist convictions is the personification of the left’s idea of what our culture should look like. And as such he is a typical example, with the multi-culti credentials a thin veneer over the top of his cynical and corrupt underside. Just like much of the rest of lefty culture.
These people, their media, their opinions, their whole culture should be a tiny minority in an uncynical, freedom-loving USA. It’s a big country – big enough for some of these people to go happily about their business in a few blocks somewhere in San Francisco. But for their culture to dominate the way it does is intolerable.
McCain and Palin need to win in a landslide and regardless of what they accomplish in Washington the resounding victory needs to break the lefty choke-hold on our airwaves and media outlets, and completely discredit and humble the socialist ideas they promote. Obama, being their spokesmodel needs to be beaten so badly that he doesn’t resurface for any subsequent Presidential elections.
Volunteer. Convert a swing voter. Send money. Fight for our culture!
what we REALLY REALLY need is a good first person shooter PS3 game wherein you can hunt down and put boots on the necks of self-important little dweeby hollyweird types!
Hey Penn-y … bring it on. While you may have play-acted at firing a real actual weapon (when they don’t put in a stand-in who could actually do physical stuff without looking like a total dork) … you’ll find that people on the real-life side (us evil conservatives) actually have and use real live weapons with real live ammo. Bring it on.
The North’s victory in the civil war was no victory for the 360,000 Union dead. ‘Cause nothing is worth fighting and dying for. Ever.
I feel so privileged to exist whilst such moral titans like spicolini walk the earth….humble…I may shed a tear at my hertless conservatism.
Celebrities who live in a reality where their next blow job or their next “snuff of blow” is dependant on throwing a tantrum in front of photographers should have no business pontificating about what is good for citizens in this nation.
/rant off
Rachel, you are most awesomnest, even though my democrat friends will stomp on my throat if they find out I posted this. :)
Maya and Evvybuns, I curse you with a thousand days of itchiness and sleep-toots!
SUCH IS THE VENGEANCE OF THE LORD!
Ooh! Sleep-toots!
All this emotion about celebrities’ opinions. When bodies are hollowed out attention whores, brain dead, still active, AND seeking blood, there is a proper term people use: zombies. So Obama has the zombie vote? Right there he has got himself a serious liability. Jesus with a shotgun, no sensible folk want to be in a closed space much less a voting booth with zombies.
All of which is beside the point, after the sequence of photos, I felt we were entitled to a lengthy quote from Maggie with a sock on her head.
Are these the same democrats that want me to move on from the argument over gay marriage in Homofornia without asking the next question:
After gay marriage, what will the bisexuals and transgenders want? Three in a match? A “partner” who can be the husband AND the wife, simultaneously?
So, let me see if I understand this. The last time we had something this bad, the Republicans’ Herbert Hoover didn’t do anything, let capitalism and Wall St. do what comes naturally, and worldwide depression ensued. So, THIS time the Republicans’ President G.W. Bush DOES something to stop the onslaught of worldwide depression, and . . . according to the celibritcrats, he is wrong wrong WRONG!
So, we should withdraw from Iraq and let Wall St. fail? Would THAT make the dems happy?
Evvybuns–
Just LOVES Elivra! Is SHE running for any particular office I can vote for, here in Homofornia?
Evvybuns: Elvira lives and reigns!! Do what you will with the hag on the left (ooh! double meaning, there!).
Can anybody here please explain to me why somebody who makes their living speaking words given to them by a professional screenwriter, singing and pretending to be somebody they are not is somehow qualified to dictate to the country who should be the national leader??
Because until I hear a sound argument, I prefer to listen to my dentist. He may drill my teeth, but at least he has my best interests at heart.
Jesus on a bull! Jesus on a Harley! Jesus on a skateboard! They’re all available
(Don’t even get me started on the “With You Always” drawings…)
OK, I can die now, I’ve been quoted by Mighty Samurai…
In my defense, Wachel has rubbed off on me (in my dreams…)
Kevin, I dare you to say “Drill, baby, drill” at your next appointment!
If you did some refinancing to pull out the equity in your home, I’m sure next time you could afford to sip while reading through HuffPo.
Well he does have a lot of dead people voting for him.
Oh also, I curse you with hammertoe and vapor lock!
Egads! A veritable HIVE of infidels and heathens!
I’ll be back in a while. Lots of curses to hand out.
> costing the American public $435 million a day
What? Is that ALL? In order to remove a dictator, establish an Islamic *Republic*, -and- we get to thumb our nose at the French?
Damn, that’s cheap.
We need to invade a few more countries, at that price.
The USA makes over ONE TRILLION DOLLARS each and EVERY month.
If you make 50k a year, that’s like spending all of *55* bucks a month on a security company to get them to clear out the rat’s nest crackhouse next door, and clean it up until better owners come along.
People spend more than that on cosmetics and hair care. OK, *half* the people…
:-/
RW Donn, Wall St. isn’t going to fail, just companies that make poor decisions, and I say let them fail.
The government should not be bailing out Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac to the tune of up to 20 billion dollars. I never made a dime off of them so why should I be bailing them out as a taxpayer? Let the investors and shareholders take the hit. Shit, it would be great if I could run my company into the ground after making tons of money over the years, cook the books to make more money then when the shit hits the fan, just ring up my rich uncle Sam. Privatizing the profits for a few, then hanging the losses on the taxpayer is bullshit.
evvy:
I wouldn’t put my boot on Pee Wee’s neck cuz he’d prolly like it. So I guess that just leaves the other pussified wimp.
> from the crew that would install an inexperienced neophyte — not even put through the crucible of the national stage — a heartbeat away from the greatest nuclear arsenal the world has ever known, and not blink.
….aaaaas opposed to putting an inexperienced neophyte DIRECTLY ON the greatest nuclear arsenal the world has ever known?
Anyone *else* out there feel like you’re channelling one of those poor robots Kirk always used to mess with on ST: The Original Series?
ERROR!
ERROR!!
ANALYZE!!
DOES NOT COMNPUTE!
ERRORRRRR! ERRRRR—ORRRRR! ERRr-r-r-r-r–(Pooof-BANG!!!)
Well, except for the final head-explodes-in-sparks-and-smoke part, anyway…
> for that mental image of a Crow/Cusack/Damon sandwich.
I think you’ve got the ingredients in the wrong order — the Crow goes in the middle, unless it’s one really, really kinky sandwich we’re talking about.
ROFL! Comment of the day. FTW
>>> Well, it’s no victory for the nearly 5,000 American dead. For the hundreds of thousands of civilian dead.
> Right. Just like World War II was “no victory” for the 50 MILLION DEAD.
Actually, he’s kind of right, but it’s a “count the hits and ignore the misses” kind of thing, as Bill Whittle once put it.
It might not be a victory for them — but what about the 24 million Iraqis looking at a bright future that does not include Uday and Osay’s Rape Room and Specialty-Ground Meat Emporiums?
Those would be the “misses”.
And, by all means, remember, this is the genius who wore a flak jacket instead of a life preserver in an overcrowded boat…
I know it’s early, but I just wanted to nominate mongo‘s 1:12pm post for UHG. It made me LOL at least.
mongo on a Zamboni!
nope, I’m still on the couch. poop.
What. That’s funny!
Perhaps we should switch to a different diety? For instance let’s go with Buddha. But he’s a bit too heavy to put up on things. So let’s just put him with things.
Like: Buddha with Bongos!
Besides he’s already sitting in the correct pose for that.
You forgot to mention Jesus in a Volkswagon, Pogo-stick and Floation device. I think he doesn’t mind it at all, as my version of the Son of God has a kickass sense of humor. Maybe it’s the most action the man has had since he asended into heaven.
> Why don’t you actually DO IT this time? You know, for a change? Instead of wussing out like you always do
Like Murphy(AZ) says (ya read my mind) —
Me, I just wish the #$@%^^%$ celebrities with plenty of money who threaten to leave after the election goes against them would just GTFO.
They never do…
>> Sheesh. What is it with you people and your bizarre “Jesus on a [blank]” metaphors?
Christ on a Terry Gilliam Animation… No, wait, I think he’s done that…
> Jesus on a wooden stake!
Unfortunately, I think that’s where He actually wound up…
> is somehow qualified to dictate to the country who should be the national leader??
Actually, one wonders how it is that NO ONE apparently points out to them that they are NOT thus qualified. This is the part which one should consider truly amazing.
And yes, I claim “FIRST!!” should a line form…
If there is one person on this planet I cannot stand, it’s Arianna Huffington. Merely thinking about her voice makes me want to stab myself in the ear.
If Jesus put me on a battlestar, I’d know I had died and gone to heaven.
Can we get a CNAJUHGAFEIC* nomination on this thread?
*Chuck Norris Action Jeans… (you know the rest.)
Cusak has violated the first rule of political advocacy: never metion Rosanne Barr and sex in the same sentence. You don’t want that image associated with your candidate.
Obama seems to have finally figured out that the inexperience meme is killing him. Too bad for him the second level Obamabots aren’t on his mailing list and keep bringing it up.
Governor isn’t relevant experience? Four out of the last five presidents disagree. I forget; how many legislators have made the grade lately?
Itchy Jesus cutting sleep-toots.
Intelligence is a Rose
But you better not pick it
It only grows when its on the vine
Babs you picked yours a long, long time ago
How’s that lobotomy–does it make you feel fine?
–my apologies to whoever wrote the lyrics to “Love is a Rose.”
That set of fake nails on Babs really creeped me out. I bet when she starts waving her hands, it sounds like a dozen light sabers being brandished.
ASSCLOWNS!!! THAT is what Rachel used to say on her original ‘blogsite when she was in undergrad school! There has been a part of my life missing, until I remembered . . . . . . . .
ASSCLOWNS!!! ASSCLOWNS!!!!
ASSSSSSSCLOWWNNNNNNNSSSS!!!!!!!
Maybe it’s time for a variation of “Love is a Battlefield.” Well, maybe “Mud is a battlefield”?
The celebs are out a-huntin’ SARAH!!!!
Time to counterhunt!
Did you catch the Emmy Awards last night? Super-irritating celebrities using their live camera time to get up on their soapboxes. Especially Tommy Smothers, Paul Giamatti, Laura Linney, and of course Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert. Asshats. And the amazing thing is, there are people – who vote – who think all these nimrods are SMART and value their opinions!!!!
They each make over 250K a year. Why are they supporting Obama when he will raise their taxes? And McCain will lower their taxes. Maybe they are seeing something many others don’t see, like the federal government spent us into near bankruptcy and raising taxes is one of the methods to get it back on a fiscally sound basis. Yes, it’s true, and I don’t understand economics.
I don’t mind anyone in Hollywood being liberal, just so long as he doesn’t preach it to me. Tom Hanks comes to mind. I’m pretty sure he’s a flaming liberal, but he never (to my knowledge) flaunts it. He’s also clearly good with the military, bless his heart. He seems to understand that you separate your craft from your politics, unlike these other bozos. For that reason, I have no problem patronizing a Hanks movie.
As for these not-so-subtle Hollywood asshats who are now following Tailgunner Joe Biden’s lead to make paying more taxes a matter of patriotism, may I make a proposal? Let’s say we tack a $10/head “patriot tax” on each movie ticket. What the hell, it’s for the good of the country, and it’s our patriotic duty to pay taxes. Why not put their money (ours, actually) where their big mouths are? Should raise billions, right?
Let’s take it a step farther and make the Emmy Awards a pay-per-view event, like a WWF bout, and charge $50 to watch it, the proceeds going to the government. Even more billions to the government, right?
Tully,
Isn’t “self-styled pseudo-cowboy” also at least semi-oppositionally oxymoronic? The implication of “self-styled” is that no one else would style you so.
It now make sense that Cusack sounds like Kossack
Jesus on a ridgeback!
You’re making it very difficult for me to ignore the idiocy of Jon Cusack, which makes me sad because Grosse Pointe Blank, High Fidelity, and Better Off Dead are some of my favorite movies.
I would stop going to movies starring celebrity with such large pie-holes, but then I’d quickly run out of stuff to watch. So I just remind myself that the more money they accrue, the more taxes they’re obligated to pay. Which means I can also feel like more of my tax dollars are paying for important things, like big-ass military toys and my own salary. And anyway, paying taxes is the closest these assclowns will ever get to being patriotic. To steal a line from Rachel: What am I? A giver.
Two reasons:
1. Because they know they can afford highly-paid accountants to help them take advantage of the countless loopholes in the federal tax code.
2. Because they have enough pull in Hollywood to demand higher salaries to make up for their higher taxes.
I don’t expect actors to be sensible people. I just don’t. Sometimes they are, but more often not. I don’t stop seeing an actor’s work because of their political opinions. I didn’t stop watching Jane Fonda’s films because of her traitorous moonbattery in the 1960’s and later. I stopped watching Jane Fonda movies because she has the acting talent of a brick. Cute – or she was once – but she can’t act, and never could.
In my opinion, the prototypical Actor-Activist was John Wilkes Booth; a man so stupid and immoral he not only backed the (slave owner dominated) Confederacy, HE THOUGHT ASSASSINATING LINCOLN WOULD HELP!
Now it all makes sense to me. They are supporting someone just like them, who can only speak convincingly when reading something off a teleprompter, written by someone else who is directing him from behind the scenes, and who probably couldn’t run the deep fryer at Burger King if forced into the real world.
Re: INEXPERIENCED NEOPHYTE
Uhh. That phrase is not an oxymoron (jumbo shrimp, e.g.).
“Inexperienced neophyte” is, instead, an example of two words that mean very similar things (inexperienced, and, uh, inexperienced) and they’ve just been slammed next to each other in what amounts to a redundancy. A double whammy. Cusack’s an idiot.
Examples: Spicolo, Babs, and Cusack are big giant huge asshat moron idiots.
Sorry for the Crow/Cusack/Damon imagery, Steve. I was thinking purely alphabetically. Mix and match as you wish.
All the talk of leaving the country and/or revolution from the whiny left reminded me of 2004. I lived in Seattle then and prior to Bush winning every hardcore liberal I knew (and there are a LOT of ’em) threatened to move to Canada. I smiled and offered to give them a ride since the border isn’t that far. Not one of them took me up on it. That group is nothing but talk.
I can never think of that idiot Penn without envisioning him bailing water out of the crappy little boat he rented to show everyone how rescues were done.
And he should know, ’cause he is an actor who only ever had one really good movie. What? Wait a minute – WHAT!?
CSP Shofield, I am compelled to take a different approach. I simply refuse to support any loud-mouth leftist wacko Hollywood a$$hat by seeing their movies. I will not support them and their “craft.” To hell with them. If they are subtle, or keep their opinions to themselves, that wouldn’t bother me at all. It’s the Sarandons, Streisands, Penns (and the list goes on and on) that spew their ridiculous Socialist/hate Bush/hate USA garbage I will not support, ever…therefore, I would rather stick needles in my eyes than put money in their pockets by seeing their movies.
A young man leaves his middle class existence in pursuit of freedom from relationships and obligation. Giving up his home, family, all possessions but the few he carried on his back … embarks on a journey throughout America. His eventual aim is to travel into Alaska, into the wild, to spend time with nature, with ‘real’ existence … When he reaches Alaska he finds he has been insufficiently prepared for the hardships to come.
Into the Wild
Director: Sean Penn
Writers (WGA): Sean Penn (screenplay)
Jesus with all his valence electrons ionized!
And now for a classy chemistry video:
The Power of Cheesus?!?
Even HE’S laughing at that one! My sides ache!
Every time I hear Huffington’s voice, the theme song from Green Acres starts playing in my head.
“Because they know they can afford highly-paid accountants to help them take advantage of the countless loopholes in the federal tax code.”
Why are there loopholes?
Isn’t that just good tax planning? Better tax planning – become an accountant – it only requires a 4 year degree (at least in did in the old days), and there is a shitload of money to be made, and you don’t have to hire an accountant to find the loopholes.
Random thought – Have you noticed that the national debt is uppity?
So let me get this straight. I’m supposed to vote for Obama because otherwise, Sean Penn is going to call me chicken? Jesus H. Christ in a Speedo: what is this, fourth grade?
Oh, and WTF does this jackass mean by “a cycle of history that may be its last” anyway? I thought some other idiotic tool said that history ended in 1991.
How about “Christ on a crutch in the foothills!”
credit to Bev Fifield (now Olson) back in the 60’s.
Also – how about 14 Karat coming up with something to
illustrate a “Cat Ass Trophy”.
I’m so confused. Could we make this into a soap opera so I can watch the reruns until I get it? Who is Maggie voting for, anyway, that’s all I need to know.
This is so much fun.
Zarba: Should we be expecting Kevin’s dentist to strike oil, or something?
Obloodyhell: That’s “Norman” in “I, Mudd.” Gödel rules. No one has yet figured out how to completely foolproof Epimenides.
Paul T: 2004 I recall moonbats calling for an armed uprising. Duh. Their opponents would’ve been us well-regulated militia that actually had guns.
Speaking of dingbat celebs:
1) Tina Fey wants to stop doing Sarah Palin after Nov 5. Fine. Sarah Palin can do Tina Fey, already done so.
2) Check out Sen (R-MN) attack ad. Spokeswoman about Piper’s age.
Completely aside, for record, I reject any personal blame for this. MY house is paid off. There is a foolproof way to avoid credit-card crises. Pay them down to $0 when bill shows up. Cheaper, too. Actually is foolproof. Fools can’t/won’t do it.
Yes, I’m going to take political advise from the actor who played, a bit too convincingly, a stoner/dumbass in Fast Times at Ridgemont High. What an asshat!
I agree Glen…
I have one credit card with a $500 max not 10 with $5000 max.
My husband and I do not buy due to the fact…uh…he is in the military.So we rent.Simple enough.
I pay my taxes on time,give to Salvation Army at Christmas and get tootsie rolls from the Shriners.
It isn’t my fault your dumbass self thought ADJUSTABLE RATES were a GREAT IDEA.
Gah…
Ethne–
At least you admit that you’re talking about your version of Jesus, not the real one. That’s molding God in your own image. People do that all the time, but it’s not a reputation you want to cultivate, really.
Y’all forgot “Jesus Christ on roller skates.”
These images don’t upset me as a Christian–they’re far too stupid–but they do upset me as a writer and someone who respects the English language. In some ways they are more articulate than the mindless cursing that goes on so often, but it’s still a form of cursing. When such phrases are used so often, they lose their power and impact.
Raising taxes–Obama isn’t going to raise taxes on THOSE people. (I thought the leftist position was that the rich don’t pay taxes?) He knows his Hollyweird friends have loopholes, and if they don’t, he’ll create them. I’ve seen leftist tax proposals that completely exempted people in the performing arts. So. . .
I have always been told that Sean Penn is smarter than he looks. Guess not.
Huh. I thought I had left my diarrhea in the toilet bowl where it belonged. Apparently it climbed out and onto the Huffington Joke disguised as political satire.
What, you mean they were serious? I picked the wrong week to stop sniffing glue.
Oh, and docweasel? Thanks for the Skye pictures. I always had a hankering for her and you just reminded me why.
First who would have thought Jeff Spicoli would be Penn’s most articulate performance; yeah he was good in Mystic River, but his “All the Kings Men” made Robert Penn Warren roll over in his grave; or so I’ve been told. Second, despite Grosse Pointe Blank and High Fidelity, the line that applies to Cusack is “what a waste of a perfectly good white boy” from Savage Steve Holland’s “Better off Dead”
Great…Robert Smith is now mad at the McCain/Palin, like those whiny, emo-types ever…
Wait…Cusack?
No way. It is a trick. Lane Meyer would never wear that much make up.
Let bad companies fail. That’s one important principle of capitalism. Get rid of crap-tastic business principles and employees or else your company goes under. Giving them more money only encourages bad behavior, which is one principle we see in the school system today. One reason I like McCain is because he wants to do vouchers. This will help the parents decide which schools are good and should get more money to use wisely and which schools are craptastic, should get no money, and whose employees should get jobs cleaning out the grease traps at KFC. The American dream is hard work paying off for a better life, not lying about profits, getting million-dollar bonuses, and then a $700 billion dollar bonus from people who did work hard. I don’t mind democrats who think about the issues but come out on the opposite side. I really don’t. I hope they lose, but I’m glad to see the rational debate of issues. Those that spew propaganda like this or vote based on ignorance should get a vote (it’s a democratic process), I just think my vote should be bigger. Definitely bigger. I’ve got one huge vote right here for Palin.
Actually, I can hit a high C.
And my McCain/Palin sign, which FINALLY arrived from the campaign, went up in my yard on Saturday and my Maverick/Sarahcuda stickers will go up in my car when I return from a sudden journey.
Isn’t “self-styled pseudo-cowboy” also at least semi-oppositionally oxymoronic?
Nah, if he wants to pretend he’s a fake…I remember a commercial (hey, maybe it was on SNL) that hollered “Don’t settle for fake imitations!” Yeah, get the real imitations…
dogette: Ah, c’mon, don’t harsh my read. It’s not Highlander, there can be more than one! :-)
And as so many have noted, the left can’t throw a real revolution ’cause the right has all the guns. Bring it on, ya whiny little brats.
HEH!
Hope I didn’t screw the link up. Ratings for the Emmys were at an all time low.
And Rachel, thank you for keeping it real and making me laugh! I promise when they get this boondagle figured out and I can start selling houses again I will hit that tip jar. I do click on the adverts hoping to make you a little bit.
If we elect McCain/Palin, can we make a clean sweep of hollyweird (they will all leave in a huff)? What a great idea! Can we get back the old hollywood? Or actually some real writers and actors? Vote McCain/Palin….save hollywood!
I nominate this post for this year’s Excellence in the Field of Subtlety Award.
I have never understood why anyone would put any credence in things said by people who get paid to pretend to be what they are not.
I’m not very political, I admit, but John Cusack’s speech made me laugh so hard I just about peed in my stupid, unintellectual pants. I’m not too proud to admit that I don’t understand most of what he said, but my favorite part was:
“Darkest reptilian politics that speak to the ultimate calcified cynicism of Republicans.”
Now that is an awesome collection of adjectives. It must be wonderful to have that superior a caliber of intellectual prowess as to be able to banter about twenty dollar words and coin phrases that are so impressive that people spend more time in awe over the speaker’s vocabulary choices than the meaning behind them. At least, that’s how I feel. Who cares what he’s saying about the Republican party, I just love his use of words.
Who ever said a picture was worth a thousand words apparently never heard a John Cusack speech. I’ll be revving on the mental picture this conjured for days.
Umm, Spicolli, nobody’s stopping you from paying higher taxes. Joe Biden even called it patriotic. And the homeless veterans you’re so concerned about? They live not far from you and you have the space. Just give me the word and I’ll pick up 1/2 dozen or so and drop them off.
Or you could just write a post to Huffington. Because you’re all about making a difference.
“Umm, Spicolli, nobody’s stopping you from paying higher taxes. Joe Biden even called it patriotic. And the homeless veterans you’re so concerned about? They live not far from you and you have the space. Just give me the word and I’ll pick up 1/2 dozen or so and drop them off”
those vets would beat his stupid ass.
Ah’m confoozed and mah haid herts, cuz Ah doan no wich to beleev, the singer-woman or the actor-man. Singer-woman sez we spending 435 milyun $ a day in Irak, and actor-man says “bilyuns” ever day. So, wich iz it?
An that 3rd actor-puhson (ugly boy or real ugly girl?) whut sez they owes my chilluns money: Ah cud drap by they house an pik it up any ol when.
You know Barbara kind of looks like Mr. Burns in that picture with her hands like that.
> like the federal government spent us into near bankruptcy and raising taxes is one of the methods to get it back on a fiscally sound basis. Yes, it’s true, and I don’t understand economics.
It’s true. You don’t understand economics. And no, raising taxes does not mean the government will get back onto a fiscally sound basis. This would be one of the early things that understanding economics would tell you.
Raising taxes does not automatically mean more income for the government, because taxes have a feedback effect on the economy, causing it to create LESS which means there is LESS to TAX. In fact, there is an optimum point where lowering taxes brings less in, and raising taxes brings less in. The GOP grasps this, and does a fairly good job of finding it. The Dems aren’t about fiscal responsibility at all (not saying the GOP has been great in this regard lately, either). They’re about the politics of greed and pandering to envy. They are about robbing the rich, a large percentage of which bust their asses to get rich, in order to give to the not-so-rich, a large percentage of which don’t grasp the idea of busting their asses at all (and no, I don’t bust my ass, but I’m not whining that rich people need to give me more, either).
Solving the “bankruptcy” issue isn’t easy because the Dems won’t stand for it and the GOP, even when given the power to go over their heads, acts like a bunch of complete pansies in the face of the Dems threatening to hold their breath and stamp their feet three time if they don’t get their way.
Throwing more money at it isn’t the solution with that problem unsolved.
> I can never think of that idiot Penn without envisioning him bailing water out of the crappy little boat he rented to show everyone how rescues were done.
Wearing a flak jacket no less.
> Nah, if he wants to pretend he’s a fake…I remember a commercial (hey, maybe it was on SNL) that hollered “Don’t settle for fake imitations!” Yeah, get the real imitations…
In my youth working as a bagboy at a grocery store, they had two displays, right next to each other
Imitation Processed Cheese Food ($1.09)
and
Imitation Processed Cheese Product ($.99)
Never figured out what you were supposed to do with the product. Not sure I wanted to know.
> those vets would beat his stupid ass.
That’s ok, he can wear a flak jacket for protection.
I think this covers it.