I need to stop clicking on links on the internet. Just in general. Specifically about . Because I swear to you I am going to vomit and then die, and if you can read the article I just linked and am about to quote against all my best instincts, and not feel the same, then you are cold inside. Dead and cold inside.
The other night I dreamt of Barack Obama. He was taking a shower right when I needed to get into the bathroom to shave my legs, and then he was being yelled at by my husband, Max, for smoking in the house. It was not clear whether Max was feeling protective of the president’s health or jealous because of the cigarette.
The other day a friend of mine confided that in the weeks leading up to the election, the Obamas’ apparent joy as a couple had made her just miserable. Their marriage looked so much happier than hers. Their life seemed so perfect. “I was at a place where I was tempted daily to throttle my husband,” she said. “This coincided with Michelle saying the most beautiful things about Barack. Each time I heard her speak about him I got tears in my eyes — because I felt so far away from that kind of bliss in my own life and perhaps even more, because I was so moved by her expressions of devotion to him….”
…Many women — not too surprisingly — were dreaming about sex with the president…
[ed. note GOD PLEASE STRIKE ME DEAD NOW]
There was some daydreaming too, much of it a collective fantasy about the still-hot Obama marriage. “Barack and Michelle Obama look like they have sex. They look like they like having sex,” a Los Angeles woman wrote to me, summing up the comments of many. “Often. With each other…”
…There was a dream, sent from Minneapolis, about buying Barack the perfect sandwich, and a dream from Westport, Conn., about inviting Michelle and the girls over for lunch and a play date: “I told her I’d make tuna fish sandwiches and cupcakes, and told her that she didn’t need to worry about the kids, no need to hire a sitter or extra secret service, that I had a nice basement/playroom for them…”
[ed. note SERIOUSLY PLEASE I NEED TO DIE NOW]
…One woman wrote that when she couldn’t get to sleep at night, she “lay in bed and thought about…Barack and Michelle, a couple who clearly have a ‘thing’ for each other, spooning together in bed. It helped me relax.”
Another Washington woman, a global health care consultant, expressed her sense of Obama-inadequacy in a dream: “I dreamed I was an Obama girl. I had a chance to be in the same room with him for the first time. There were dark velvet chairs and he was standing there with all this dark and mist around him. His lips so purple and sensuous as if to be otherworldly,” she wrote to me. “I moved gently toward him…”
People. This article is in the New York Times Opinion section and written by a best-selling author. Not some pervy blog, THE NEW YORK TIMES. Which actually now that I think about it, is not much different from some pervy blog.
You really should read the whole thing. I didn’t even quote all the bits about how envious all the yuppie assholes are that they aren’t president, that they didn’t achieve all the “greatness” that the Obamas have, that their kids should get to sleep in the White House and go to Sidwell friends school because after all, we are all just like the Obamas! They are just like us! So real and easy to relate to! They have the perfect marriage and hot sex and OH CHRIST ON THE MOUNTAIN, MAKE IT STOP.
The comments on the story are hilarious, by the way. Half of them relay their own Obama fantasies and the other half point out how fuckin’ stupid that is. I love it.
Baaaaaaaaarrrrfffff.
There. I feel better now.
I also dream about Barack Obama.
I dream that in the 2012 election, his ass gets squarely kicked by the Alaskan moose hunter.
I dream about her too, but … er, that’s a different story.
Hey, they aren’t dreaming, folks! BHOPOTUS really IS screwing us. I just wish he’d buy dinner, or at least candy. Sheesh.
damn …. this blasted celebrity worship just goes on and on … and proves how desperately some people need to get a fucking LIFE!
I would like to drop the whole pile of these morons off a plane into the deep, deep Canadian arctic … and welcome back any survivors with open arms, since they would have to be sane at that point.
I dream of BamBam too … of a world without that turd in it … and especially without his insufferable wife!
The ed. notes were the best parts.
Yeah and I bet Michelle is on top, that is one stone cold bitch on wheels.
The same sort of junk circulated about Bubba, even my normally sensible, Republican mom made a remark about how good looking he was and I flipped my shit out on her.
Ick, ick ick. I think I need another shower now.
I feel violated…
My eyes…the visions won’t go away…
And I thought the female on female dog humping pr0n was the Rachel Lucas low…
Ah yes … the Grey Lady … all the news that’s fit to print.
And I agree, and just vomited in my mouth right here in an important meeting I’m in.
How did you EVER get through the whole thing?!?! I just found that article a few minutes ago and couldn’t make it to paragraph 5. This is the New York Times? No wonder they’re in trouble.
Can we please go back to doggie pr0n? It seems so much more NORMAL than this (and a whole lot less disturbing).
Rachel, I hate to say it, but it’s stuff like that that makes me feel you’re leaving the U.S. at about the right time, before we are all re-educated to worship The One…
Sorry. Can’t read the comments.
Because my eyeballs are bleeding from that steak knife I stabbed in them.
When will this madness stop? ARGH!
AAagggghhhh!!!!! MAke it stop! Make it stop!!!!
That’s it. I’m not going to read your blog any more.
But obviously I will. Man, that was gross. I don’t know how these people aren’t even slightly embarrassed. o_O
Wow. These people really are truly insane. I am not going to read the whole article. I want to have some appetite left come dinner time!
As BJM noted, Clinton apparently inspired hot and steamies among the soccer moms too. After all he was the first black president.
Wow. You guys are in denial.
I’ve thought about sex with Obama too.
Get over it!
It doesn’t make me weird, just a guy.
Wait, did you think I meant Barack Obama? Sorry, my bad. I meant Michelle Obama.
Why? Simple. I’m just a horndog.
Basically, every 30 seconds, or as soon as I see the sight of some chick, I’m thinking about sex. With them.
So yeah, as soon as I saw Michelle Obama, the flow chart in my brain kicked in.
Michelle made the “hitable list.” So sue me.
Seriously, as soon as I saw a picture of her, I thought to myself, “I’d hit that.”
Welcome to my world.
Wow. You know, I’m liberal and all, but that’s just…well, let’s say I feel less disturbed after reading an entry from Penthouse Forum.
It’s an Obama-nation…blech….
Imagine what nasty criticisms we’d be reading if men had said something similar about Sarah Palin.
Just when I think men are far more disgusting than women can ever be, something like this comes along and reminds me that it ain’t a one way street.
Please tell me that sales have NOT increased on that old Helen Reddy song “I don’t know how to loooove him.”
So let me get this straight. Michelle Obama praising her husband makes this ungrateful bitch realize how much she hates her husband?
This…I…but then…
Funny, I would have thought their DAUGHTERS would have been the first clue that Barack and Michelle Obama have sex. I mean, where does this idiot think their daughters came from, a daughter kit?
First I about choked on my lunch laughing at the original article. Then I took a bite just as I read Ed… and let me tell you, mushroom soup coming out your nose is very uncomfortable.
I’d love to give them a hard time about their Big O fantasies (ahem), but since I am likely to do the same for President Palin, perhaps I should restrain myself.
Junior Curmudgeon, I couldn’t have said it better myself!
Jan 20th, 2013 – “Madame President, your first words in office?”
(She turns to Hussein Obama) “You have the right to remain silent…”
I read your blog every day but rarely post….to day I have to thank you for making me vomit in my mouth a little.
<<>> How anyone can believe a life long Politician and his wife are so “real” and “common”
and so perfect…gah makes me want to puke again :P
(PS love your blog I had this dream……)
hehe no just kidding about the dream but not about loving the blog.
It’s going to take some time to get the taste out of my mouth, the p-yook taste.
Strangely enough, I dreamt of Biden the other night. I was just about to start pointing out what an idiot he was, then I turned around and he was sitting with all of my friends. It was the “WTF is Crazy Uncle Joe doing at my friend’s house?!” moment. Luckily I did NOT pee in the bed.
Why can’t I have dreams of finding Todd Palin hanging out with my friends, fresh from some a bare-handed grizzly kill?
I once dreamed of having sex with George Bush. I mean, I am a true republican all the way! tee hee
But it was at the beginning of his presidency before he looked so old!
I believe it was a power thing, wanting to “do” someone powerful. tee hee
Hey – I am married, not dead! I can still fantasize, right??
Here’s a quote: “These days when the sexless marriage is such a big celebrity in America (and when first couples are icons of rigid propriety), that’s one interesting mental drama.”
First Couples being “icons of rigid propriety”? Was this woman out of the country or something during the Clinton years?
But seriously…that article made me feel dirty. The bad kind.
For the LOVE of God. These people are mental. You know, when I see or hear women who act like this, I think of one thing only…and it’s pretty nasty but it has to do with a commercial geared towards females and how these types are the walking example of such a thing. That’s the best way I can put it in polite company.
But, even as nasty as it is, it pales in comparison to the idiots you blockquoted above.
I cling only to the hope (and change!) that the weak shall be weeded out when it comes to full on survival mode. They may be carried for awhile, but eventually this will destruct and these people will not be able to fend for themselves. And the ones with a damn brain will be able to take over and build again.
Oh goody, one of the ads on your page is for St. Hope and Change ringtones….and one is titled, “Remake America”.
I don’t think so, Sparky. This love fest will die one day.
Ew. Just ew.
Will these people please get a grip?
Brooke, you may be liberal, but you’re not crazy. These people are crazy. Certifiable.
Any minute now, the Obama will show up….
Uh oh. .
The above quote from the articles comments cracked me up. Exactly!
I certainly wasn’t able to read too much of it all before I started feeling queasy..
It’s enough to make a man question what women want from sex. And yes, I puked into my coffee – a lot. Now I can’t drink it.
I agree with Serenity: these people are mental. Makes me think maybe it’s time to thin the herd.
Fricking cult of personality. Yet another indication of same. Next, erotica (yes, actual PORN WORDS) describing what the Obombinator will do with his wife and assorted Obama girls. Or guys. Or its. Whatever.
Lord above, I am sick of this, and wish I was going to England, just to get a bit further away from this idiotic and utterly unfounded hero worship.
And whoever up there thinks Michelle Obama is hittable needs to get out more. I see those teeth and my package withdraws into my abdomen.
BTW, do you realize your sidebar is advertising Obama inauguration ringtones? I’d sooner have a combination enema/wisdom tooth extraction than listen to an Obamanation such as those ringtones.
I googled “obama fan art” in images, but it wasn’t as gratuitous as I expected. Did find this, though:
PS the gratuitous stuff comes when you google obama art, leave out the fan.
do we already know about ?
and of course there is always this one:
Well I’m pissed.
We have these assholes fantasizing about Obama screwing them while he’s screwing us in the ass.
DAMN IT!
strikes again:
Of course, this just means we’ll end up with an all-NKOTB ticket one of these days or something… “Like, OMG! Joey’s hair is so presidential and stuff!”
HA HA! I was thinking of Rule 34 also!
I’m astonished these people aren’t ashamed to admit such thoughts and dreams. Bad enough to have them, but to tell other people?? Where is their sense of shame? I would be mortified to have a sexy dream about Obama! I surely wouldn’t tell anyone about it. I wouldn’t want to be thought of as a nut.
This reverence and adulation is sick. And disturbing. And sick. Nasty nasty sick. Gross.
I’m feeling the need to bleach my brain to get rid of the awareness that a large number of people think such thoughts.
I said in the last comment thread that I wasn’t going to click on that link, and I’m still not going there! It was hard enough to keep from vomiting reading the excerpt here!
This country is full of sick people and I don’t mean that in a fun way.
You know,
I just thought about the kid after the dentist video
that Rachel posted the other day and some of the
quotes the kid made would fit perfectly for this NYT
trash piece:
“Is this real life?”
“Is this gonna last forever?”
“Why is this happening to me?”
“SCREAM!!!”
I couldn’t make it through the entire thing. I kept making those “eeeeuuut” sounds involuntarily.
Not gonna do it. Wouldn’t be prudent.
Look at the silver lining…..think how much FUN it is going to be watching all these people be crushed and disillusioned when they get that bitter cold dose of reality when they find out that the president they adore and worship is just as corrupt and wrong as the rest of the politicians out there.
Maya, Thank you! I needed the laugh, just flipped past The One having his press adulation….someone asked him about A-Rod…aaaughhghhhhh!!!!!!
Still nauseated? will make you feel better! [H/T sweasel]
(repeat as necessary until symptoms disappear)
Y’all have short memories. I haven’t been able to read a single line about democratic sex fanatsies, since the day Nina Burleigh (I think that was her name) announced in print that she would like to give Clinton a bl-w job for keeping abortion legal.
You know, our grandparents and great grandparents knew why sex had to be hedged about with all sorts of taboos. Talking about it either makes it ridiculous or it turns our stomachs. I mean imagine your junior high school principal in the throes of passion. Or Joe Biden. Really think about it.
Now tell me honestly, how likely are you to be able to find any romantic desire within you for, oh, the next 6-12 months? It would be an act of kindness for most people (and all democrats) to shut the heck up about their fantasies. Or else live with the declining birthrate.
I took this as a challenge and the effort to not throw up actually killed me.
Naw, this is a simple example, that no one, even Barack Hussein Obama’s supporters, think he can accomplish anything. BHO’s value is an erotic symbol. There is no substance there, and no one is looking for substance.
RW Donn Says:
“Imagine what nasty criticisms we’d be reading if men had said something similar about Sarah Palin.”
Or if someone like Peggy Noonan (before she jumped the shark) had written that about Bush in the Wall Street Journal.
Mrs. Hill– Obviously, he didn’t have his heli-prompter on.
pffffft! Nice!
Imagine what nasty criticisms we’d be reading if men had said something similar about Sarah Palin.
Well, no. That’s because she’s cute, and he’s, well: look, being a guy, I don’t know what a woman looks at as sexy in a man. Yeah, I heard all the Clinton swooning, but the guy looks so much like W.C. Fields, just without the high hat. I never got it. And Obama is so emaciated, you’d think a woman would break him in half if she got on top. I would think a woman would like a man with a little more meat on his bones.
Rule 34 of the Internet:
If it exists, there is porn of it. No exceptions.
EDIT: Damn and blast. David Colborne beat me to it.
I saw that article yesterday and, oh yes, I dearly wanted to puke. *shudder*
“Purple” sensuous lips? I mean, WTF? Is that person from some other planet, where people have purple lips who aren’t dead or goth kids wearing one of those shades of lipstick called something like “Decay-dence”?
Anyway. I read it. I barfed. And then I became cold and dead inside. It’s so peaceful now, here in my grave. Oh well, gotta go, my bbbraiinn is runnnnning outttt of oxxxxxyyyggg
Yeah, Andrea, I was going to point out that those purple lips suggest to me that he may have pulmonary or CV disease. LIPS ARE NOT SUPPOSED TO BE PURPLE, PEOPLE.
In short: Guh-ross.
Or as if you were looking at his sphincter.
My guinea pig’s lips are purpley. They are cute on her and look nothing like an arse.
Thank God that there are few days like this…
I have developed a comfy routine lately. Come home from training at my new job, have a nice unhealthy supper while contemplating an adult beverage… then sit down to check mail and favorite blogs while listening to Levin. The usual order being Hot Air, GOC, Rachel, then others.
Got blindsided by this story at GOC. After the projectile vomiting subsided, I innocently clicked my way here… just to get kicked in the junk again. I’m afraid to continue on with my normal fly-bys.
Thanks for keeping me on my toes, I suppose.
Good night, all. I have to go find some bleach.
Well, it could be worse. We could have a piece written by Nancy Pelosi rambling on about how she wants to be the center of a Clinton, Pelosi, Obama sandwich..
bleeeeccchhhhh
Where is one to throw up if not in the mouth? (And please don’t answer this question if there actually is an alternative location.)
And why does this pathetic psychopathic obsession with Obama make you throw up just a little bit? I’m gonna be hugging the toilet for some time. Icky Poo To The Max!
This kind of thing is actually helpful.
Imagine that you are slightly liberal but otherwise relatively intelligent. You voted for and support Obama because you THINK he is more in line with your way of thinking. Then you see all these “journalist” with ‘tingly sensations running up their leg’ and “stories” in the NYT about red-hot monkey loving with the former junior senator from Il. (Peace be upon him) and you think, “WTF?! Is this the sum of the intelligentsia that convinced me and my ilk that this man was the embodiment of my principles? I musta had my head up my ass. I see why conservatives call us immature little ass-holes. This is no different than that little gay looking kid crying like a bitch about people talking bad about Britney Spears. I don’t want any part of this – Where is the nearest NRA office? I gotta sign up.”
It probably won’t happen EXACTLY like that, but I’d like to think every time something like this happens, it’s just another chip in the old wall for those folks.
Rachel, I dearly love your site. But I could have done without that. The hair on my head trying to stand on end is a very uncomfortable sensation.
Barack & Michelle Obama: the new Brangelina.
I wonder how their fans are going to mix their names…
John, you made a simple mistake with the phrase above, actually it’s “All the news that’s print to fit.”
Wow.
That’s just…wow. Disturbing.
Then again, I remember reading a few years back (before the whole Soon-Yi) thing that lots of women dreamed about having sex with Woody Allen.
If those kind of dreams are dreams that “normal” women have, obviously I am not normal. And glad of it.
Well, today was GOING to be a good day, then I read what women think of The One. Gawd Almighty. And whoever said they’d “hit” Michelle — I’d rather have mad monkey sex with a female sasquatch. Seriously.
What’s that, dear? No, I’m not flirting on the internet. I’m just commenting . . . love, put down the frying pan, please. Honey? *CLANG*
EWWWWWWWW!!!! Purple lips…DOUBLE EWWWWWWWWW!!!!
I’m so happy that I have a man that fulfills my needs so that I don’t have to have sick fantasies like this woman.
i think this is a clear example of people searching for and totally unable to find, God. the President isn’t God, but he is fulfilling that need in people, how very tragic.
Escaping to England will not help. I just got back from some meetings in the Sheffield Manchester area and all I heard was how great it was that we had elected Obama. I had great difficulty keeping my mouth shut. Finally one of the guys asked what he really stood for and I said Socialism. I got blinked at. Later he said I guess you are not a supporter and I said no, but that he is now our President and in a couple of years when we have seen our mistake we will have a different President and that is how it works in the states.
One must wonder if Obama will take the Clinton route and boff his way through some interns, a former VP’s daughter, Barbara Streisand, campaign workers, et cetera.
He is repellent to me but Michelle actually hurts my eyes. She was not given great beauty to begin with, but her soul shines through her and it is really ugly. Angry, bitter, uncharitable, jealous, mean, yep, that’s what I see when I see her. She reminds me of Hillary Clinton.
Methinks there is a Monica story in the works at some point. I am a cynic, yes I am, but do you blame me?
You’re not going to get it published in the NYT though.
And really the male fantasies won’t be fantasies about Palin. It would be a simple though process: “Would I bang her? She looks good so yes. Moving on…” You would never see something like that written about Palin, or probably even about a Republican male.
I would guess that Michelle eats shit and barks at the Moon.
I don’t think of Barack at all.
That truly is disturbing stuff. These people are sick, sick, sick. What empty lives they must have.
OK, no more stimulus packages for these people! They’ve been too stimulated already.
I know, mightysamurai. I just wanted to show people how bad things really are. ;-)
Some NOW harridan back in the 1990s opined in print about how every woman should get on their knees and service Clinton’s little Slick Willie. This obsession leftists have with their
deitieselected officials really fucking creeps me out.I now await her list of Top Ten Reasons I Fantasize About the Won (not a typo):
1) I think that he and his wife have sex
2) I bet he smokes after sex.
3) God, he’s so dreamy ourgavoubnou n0824uy05t89(*$%^$*&%^$&*^*&^*%^*&*%%@$$@#$#$@#$#$#$###########
10) I need a hanky.
As for Ed’s comment about hittable. well, let’s just say that I’ve got a preference for a certain pair of twins sisters who recently exited the White House.
Okay, that comment is wrong, but it’s far less wrong than that printed orgasm above.
All I can say is oy gevalt!
Rule 34, is that what they call it, like they said on another blog, Cassandra’s, ‘how do I unsee this’
Buzzion, you’re wrong about that, unless Larry Flynt is a Palin admirer, and that video that Andrew Sullivan linked, and a lot of other junk on Youtube; that was designed to discredit not celebrate her, I’m sure that’s why G.Q. that objective publication, had a segment called ‘Palin Porn’ in their Man of the Year’ publication, whose alternate covers included Barack Obama, fancy that. They oughta just call it the Obama Times, Obama Week, and just Obama Today, and do away with the pretense.
dfwmtx FTW!
Really, what we need less of in this country is celebrity-worship and people seeking the kind of stimulation that this article describes.
She doesn’t look like she shaves her legs. Mustache maybe. But not her legs.
Oh. My. Gawd. That is so utterly revolting!!! I’m afraid the grimace of disgust on my face right now might stay there until 2012. These morons have Mad Sheeple Disease.
What are you all bitching about?! This stuff is great! Imagine four years from now when we parade this stuff around. Clip-n-save the articles kids, before some idiot wipes them from the website out of embarrassment.
Seriously, this is the equivalent of all those stupid things you wrote in your journals in high school, or those photos of you in parachute pants in the eighties (or in my case, camo pants and a sleeveless Van Halen t-shirt)…sh*t that will come back to haunt you. Ohhhhh, they’re going to be so embarrassed. HAR!
Quick man, somebody whip up one of those cheesy romance novel covers with Barry on it.
“Eh-boney, and I-vo-reeeee…”
maya, I know you were waiting for someone to do this:
Brooke, in all honesty, if more liberals were like you, we’d have a lot less of the conservative/liberal headbutting than we have now.
> What are you all bitching about?! This stuff is great!
> Imagine four years from now when we parade this stuff
> around.
It’d be fun to show… assuming you will survive.
Millions of Russians didn’t.
How can these people lead such empty lives? How could any man remain with such a shameless shrewy disrespectful loser?
Hey babe, you want him? Go get him. Don’t let the door hit your unhappy rear on the way out.
After 30 plus years of marriage, I have to admit it’s not all great. There’s probably two percent or so that could be better. We’re working on it.
I feel sorry for the Obama. He’s just a hack in over his head with a shrew for a wife. Did you listen to his speech? The man has an eloquent way of saying nothing.
I confess I had the exact same dream. Except it wasn’t about Obama. It was about Rumsfeld…
Wayne! That’s awesome. yet dirty. But mostly awesome.
So, now the Cult of Personality has brought us the Obamasutra. Eeewwwww!
The perfect dream including Obama.
A UFO drops in to abduct Obama, Biden, Pelosi, Byrd, Clinton,and Geithner…who are quickly thrust out in space, never to be seen again…….leaving Robert Gates next in line as the President.
Didn’t make it past the first line. Never mind the first sentence.
I feel queasy from that alone.
I had a dream last night about Barack Obama, Helen Thomas and Chris Matthews having a leg-tingling three-way with bonus reach-around.
What does that mean?
I think it means you need to get help, fast!
;p
People have to believe in something right? Why believe in something that lasts or is normal. They want the glamour, they think they identify with the Obamas.
Oh well, let them have their foolish dreams…just a pity that our country has so many of them.