To Rupert, with love.
I started asking “Rupert” on the day he got his neck brace a few months ago, When can I put that on the dogs?
He said, Woman! Do not be foul! I have to wear this thing and those pigs stink!
So I was patient. Patient like the sands of time through a tiny hourglass, which is kinda what the brace looks like when you squint and drink whiskey.
Well. As I told you yesterday, Rupert finished with it last week, and with no small amount of joy. That thing was the bane of his existence for almost three months and I believe what he would REALLY like to do to it is set it on fire and then smash it with hammers, but he’s the mellow sort and won’t do that, so I punished it myself in the best way I know how: I forced it to dwell on Smelly Dog Neck for about 5 minutes. That’ll teach it.
(If you’ve never had to wear one of these things, trust me. It’s a pain in the ass. Uncomfortable, hot, pinchy, and all-around annoying.)
Anyway. You see up there how Sunny reacted to this contraption: Misery. Resignation. Exasperation. Disgust. Treat-longing. (A longing which I will have you know was satisfied with healthful snacks such as fish oil pills and green beans.)
Maggie, on the other hand? As always, her attitude was as positive as Sunny’s was negative, and she didn’t even care about treats. Treats are for chumps! She thought this thing was some sort of TURBO COLLAR!!, and that a walk was imminent. She loved the neck brace so much, she married it right on the spot.
[Added later:] Heh. By reader Joel:
One more shot of each piglet after the fold, because this shit is funny. I laughed more while taking and looking at these pics than I’ve laughed in a while. Seriously, they both totally thought it was a collar and they LOVE collars because collars mean going out for a walk and pooping around the neighborhood, which is every dog’s favorite pasttime.
…
Maggie’s head was wet from the rain. Which I hope offended the evil neck brace as much as possible.
More pictures, please!
September 9th, 2008 at 8:24 pmummmmm. Maybe Rupert was doing it wrong?
September 9th, 2008 at 8:40 pmOh Dear Lord! That is hilarious.
September 9th, 2008 at 8:45 pmPoor Sunny! The look on her face reminds me of my Grandma’s when she’s complaining about her “arthur-itis” and how it sucks to piss yourself when you get old. Margaret, on the other hand, looks as perky as those SNL cheerleaders (Will Ferrell and what’s her name?).
LMAO
Tutus would’ve completed the look.
Btw internet girlfriend, did you get my latest love letter? Sometimes my email likes to censor me–he thinks I’m too promiscuous–so he destroys my emails before he sends them.
September 9th, 2008 at 8:53 pmCan I just say that I absolutely love the way Maggie sits. Its just funny to me.
September 9th, 2008 at 9:01 pmYou can put a neck brace on a dog, but it’s still a dog.
September 9th, 2008 at 9:04 pmSunny’s look is “murder, death, kill.”
Now let’s go to Taco Bell!
September 9th, 2008 at 9:06 pmoh sweet baby jesus. I actually LOL’d. I usually just have a shit-eating grin on my face looking at these pictures, but I laughed! Out loud!
September 9th, 2008 at 9:11 pm“…looks as perky as those SNL cheerleaders (Will Ferrell and what’s her name?).”
Cheri Oteri.
Her and Will were two of my favorite comedians/actors on that show. I miss them.
Thank you Rachel for those photos. They had me LOLing for reals.
They definetly turned my hot turd of a day into a better one.
September 9th, 2008 at 9:35 pmI can’t believe it actually fit around Sunny’s fat neck…
September 9th, 2008 at 9:35 pmMaggie’s probably thinking: “cool, with neck armour like this, I AM INVINCIBLE”
Sunny is thinking, “Lady, I’m so fat, neck armour is pointless and annoying.”
September 9th, 2008 at 10:02 pmMe too.
Maggie looks so hopeful in her lop-sided sit.
September 9th, 2008 at 10:22 pmAll the dogs in the neighborhood say it’s great!
What could one possibly do with the leftover necktikles?
It’s either!
These pics are hillarious, and I am working on a response, RCHL. Expect it in the am.
September 9th, 2008 at 10:48 pmAfter 3 months on Rupert’s (nhrn) neck, do you think maybe Sunny was a tad offended by the stank? (No offense meant Capt., and congrats on the recovery)
Although it is hard to tell with Sunny, since every look is “Dear sweet baby Jeebus, save me from this woman…after the treats that is”.
September 9th, 2008 at 10:55 pmBuzzion and Redhead - I know! Me too! It’s the cutest thing I’ve ever seen, her little lopsided sit-down. She does it all the time.
And re: Rupert’s comment, that reminds me to point out that it barely fit around Sunny’s enormous neck. I mean BARELY. There were about 3-4 inches of velcro overlap when Rupert wore it, but maybe an eight of an inch when I strapped it on The Beast.
Although I have to say, it acted as a sort of neck bra for her.
September 9th, 2008 at 11:10 pmBloody Nora.
I just laughed so hard. Tears running down my face kind of laughing.
Has Sunny got a snaggle tooth on the left side of her mouth in her picture?
September 9th, 2008 at 11:47 pmHaha, check out Sunny giving the stinkeye in the background of Maggie’s picture.
September 9th, 2008 at 11:49 pmVery funny… of course, you realize that the ASPCA has a file on you this (holding hands a foot apart) thick, now… Us fans of yours will come visit you in prison though.
September 9th, 2008 at 11:51 pmlol now that you mention it, it does have quite the slimming girdle effect on her neckticles.
I literally can not stop laughing.
September 9th, 2008 at 11:53 pmSarah Palin would not do this to her goggies.
September 10th, 2008 at 12:05 amSunny really deserves an Oscar for her portrayal of bitter misery and regret.
OT: Didn’t Rachel write a post last year bitching about Thomas Dekker/John Connor’s hair in his eyes? [SPOILER ALERT: Don’t read if you really want to be surprised by John Connor’s hair cut! ] Last night in the Terminator premiere he hacked all his hair off and I thought “Wachl gets results!” Fox probably got like 6 jillion letters saying “get his damn hair out his eyes!”
September 10th, 2008 at 12:33 amI LOL’d too!! I actually woke up my boyfriend, who I’m sure is pissed at me ’cause he has to get up at 3AM to go to work. The look on Sunny’s face is hilarious. I also very much like the picture of Maggie, but more so Sunny in the background, just laying there!
September 10th, 2008 at 12:44 amI’m pretty sure that look on Sunny’s face translates to: I’m going to get you when you least expect it human. This is MUCH better than studying for my military history exam. HAhAHA Everytime i look at those pictures I crack up!
I’m surprised you didn’t secure her to a backboard, with full canine spinal immobilization techniques.
September 10th, 2008 at 1:08 amMaggie is cute, but Sunny is fucking hilarious! XD
September 10th, 2008 at 1:17 amI love the pics, but I’m afraid Maggie has the brace on upside down. Notice the chindention at the bottom.
That makes it even funnier.
September 10th, 2008 at 2:54 amCompletely off topic, but andrea, did your boyfriend have to respond to “the” 3 a.m. call?
September 10th, 2008 at 3:08 amIf looks could kill, Sunny would be standing over Rachel’s corpse. “How could you do this to me, human? No amount of pork is worth this!”
September 10th, 2008 at 7:21 amSeptember 10th, 2008 at 7:50 am
Sunny’s expressions are just pricelessly KILL ME NOW.
I can’t imagine Sunny and Maggie STINK. No way. Please let me wallow in self-delusion a while longer.
September 10th, 2008 at 7:59 amI have to agree with daddyquatro, if you find your neck brace to be a pain in the ass, you’re wearing it incorrectly.
Pain in the neck, I could buy.
September 10th, 2008 at 7:59 amLMAO Rachl. Maggie looks cute in that brace. I would almost be willing to pet her.
September 10th, 2008 at 8:13 amLooks to me like that dog there finally caught up with the frizbee!
September 10th, 2008 at 8:16 amFor Sunny, it seems less like a neck bra and more like an athletic supporter for her neckticles. (Did I even spell that right?)
Every time I see Sunny I think of that goofy TGIFridays commercial where the guys are yelling out the different types of meat they are eating (except for the VEGETABLE MEDLEY!! guy). Sunny is definitely the POOOORKKK!! type. Therefore I feel a connection of the highest order with her, because when we are all playing cards and enjoying liquid bread-food product, we reenact that commercial and I am the POOOORKKKK!! yeller.
Sweet.
September 10th, 2008 at 8:43 amOoooh, ‘Possum killin’ gear!
September 10th, 2008 at 9:00 amWif mah neck all strate, possum slides rite dahn mah froat!
September 10th, 2008 at 9:13 amYou know, if you rigged like an electronic pulse to that brace, you could make it like one of those electronic *fitness* belts you can buy - the Ab-Sonic!
Then it would have the added bonus of it melting away the neckticles and create a slim and toned neck while she wore it! Fabulous!
Now, if only you could explain this to her - so she didn’t look like she wanted to commit acts of bloody murder when she has it on.
September 10th, 2008 at 9:38 amandrea…I thought of Rachel too when I saw John cut his hair. And he looks GOOD with his haircut now.
“Rickvid in Seattle Says:
Sunny’s look is “murder, death, kill.”
Now let’s go to Taco Bell!”
Brilliant movie reference. =)
Those poor dogs. I appreciate their sacrifice for my amusement.
September 10th, 2008 at 10:14 amThanks again Rachel,
That’s the 3rd contact lens I have lost while reading your blog. Laugh until tears and contact lenses are running down my face.
Best laugh I’ve had all week!
September 10th, 2008 at 10:15 amI know and why she looks so happy.
And I think I can make out as well….
September 10th, 2008 at 10:28 amNicely done, Maya!
September 10th, 2008 at 10:30 amDog pics! LOL.
Sunny wants to kill you, Maggie wants to go on a walk and show off her new, fancy-smancy collar. Too cute.
What kind of whiskey does Rachel drink, I wonder? Must be good stuff…
September 10th, 2008 at 11:11 amThe Maggster, thinking:
September 10th, 2008 at 12:18 pm“There’s gotta be a special corner of Hell reserved for that woman.“
LOL, those shots are keepers! Thank you, Rachel … I’ve had a shitty day, and needed a good laugh.
September 10th, 2008 at 1:55 pmI have laughed all night at these pics.
We have a large, dumb as a post pit mix, and a spastic well mixed herder ourselves. Seems like if I had a neck brace laying around, I could amuse myself for hours!
Hmm, I do have a wrist brace and a knee brace. Where’s the snausages?
September 10th, 2008 at 10:59 pmOkay, so I LOL’d at the pics, then I nearly wet myself at the comments. Most fun I’ve had this week. Thanks y’all
September 10th, 2008 at 11:23 pm!! “neck bra” !!!
September 11th, 2008 at 10:49 am