Casper is a grade-A A-hole.
Just at this attitude.
Don’t get mad, the little dipshit is fine.
Cats and cars never mix, and poor Casper the cat has learned his lesson after getting his head wedged in a spare tyre.
The mischievous Siamese found himself in the tight spot and needed the help of a fire-crew after a passer-by found him in distress.
The RSPCA were first on the scene and officers took him to Bury St Edmunds fire station in Suffolk where firemen spent an hour cutting him free.
First of all, I still get confused every time I see “tire” spelled “tyre”, which since I live in England now happens daily, so I spend a lot of time confused. Which is not a new phenomenon, it just has new causes now.
Second of all, Casper. What a tool. I thought the whole point of whiskers on cats was so they wouldn’t get stuck in places they don’t fit.
I will tell you how I know this, and if either my sister or my brother wish for me not to tell this story, then they need to say so, but about 15 years or so ago my brother Rick was rooming with my oldest sister who I will call Banana because that’s not her name, and with Banana’s other roommate when they were all in college, and Banana had two cats: Monet and Pascal. She was a French major, what can I say.
One day Rick decided that he would “modify” the whiskers of Monet and Pascal, because that is what older brothers do, emotionally abuse their little sisters because it is fun. So, probably while they were innocently cuddling with him, Rick very carefully cut their whiskers down to about an inch long.
Banana FLIPPED HER SHIT, if I recall correctly. My brother is kind of a genius. Anyway, my memories of the event are a little hazy but I could never forget the days and days of Banana raging at anyone in earshot:
“They need their whiskers! Whiskers are there for a reason! They use them to measure spaces they want to crawl into! They will now go where they shouldn’t and die die DIE!!!”
I exaggerate a little, and actually I think at some point she was laughing about it, because the truth is, Rick loves cats, and also, they lived in an apartment that the cats didn’t venture outside of so there weren’t exactly tons of tiny openings laying about for Monet and Pascal to suddenly cram themselves into and die to death.
The point is that I’d never given any thought to a purpose for whiskers before the Great Whisker-Chopping Incident of 1993. And that this blog’s job in life is to discuss these extremely important issues in order to segue into calling Casper the Cat an asshole.
‘We had to use cutting equipment to chip away at the wheel and it took the best part of an hour.
‘We made a special plastic guard to fit between his head and the cutters to protect him.
‘The cat was fine afterwards although his skin was a bit raw around his neck.’
The hapless Siamese was taken to a local vets to be checked over.
Is “hapless” really the right word here? I think not. Here he is later, and get a load of his impertinent expression and haughty posture. Tire, shmire. I’ll do it again, too.
Shouldn’t that be “tyre, shmyre”?
May 20th, 2009 at 9:35 amESTCasper definitely has cattitude. He knew that humans would get him out the mess he got himself into. The look on his face in that first picture practically screams “What is taking you idiots so long? I’m stuck! Help me out, here.” As far as his posture in the second, that’s pure Siamese. If cats are assholes, Siamese cats are the purified essence of assholery. (Firefox’s spell check doesn’t like assholery, but how else would one say it?) I grew up with a Siamese cat, so I know!
May 20th, 2009 at 9:42 amESTCasper is a DUMB asshole cat. That is the only explanation. Whiskers are for measuring spaces, however, that doesn’t help my Fat Stanley. Her whiskers aren’t long enough for proper measurement of her girth. This is why she gets stuck between the railings on the stairs.
May 20th, 2009 at 10:18 amESTIf I stick my head in a “tyre” will that girl take me home too?
May 20th, 2009 at 10:30 amESTWhat a beautiful cat. I don’t know why cats like to put their heads into holes and through plastic bag handles, et al., but they sure in the heck do.
One of our cats climbed into a market umbrella box which promptly tipped backwards so he couldn’t get out. It damaged the nerves in his tail which he still carries at an odd angle from his rear end. Thumper put his head through a shopping bag on my bed and then ran all over the house in a blind panic because of the noise it made anytime he moved. It is a funny vision but he was never the same again. He now resides in a little cedar box on the mantel.
I took care of Thumper while my better half was out of town. Swear to dog, anytime we lose an animal he buries it in the back yard [we live on an acreage] with a full prayer service. I’m always looking for the bagpipes and Blue Angels.
May 20th, 2009 at 10:51 amESTOh, yeah, Mongo reminded me. As our cats get heavier, he has removed two uprights from the deck railing in two places so they don’t have to take the stairs like normal individuals. Who cares what the relatives think; just so that cats have unimpaired ingress/egress. I’m thinking of getting a dog in self defense.
May 20th, 2009 at 10:57 amESTDo you have any idea how much that rim must have cost. I am sure it was more valuable than the cat.
May 20th, 2009 at 11:25 amESTExplain to me, the head made it in the hole, how can it not be able to fit on the way out? They wasted a tyre for no good reason.
May 20th, 2009 at 11:30 amESTThomas: it’s the shape of the head that’s a problem. Think triangle, or wedge: you can jam the pointy end way into a hole, but try to pull a triangle through flat side first. But specifically, the ears can fold flat on the head’s way into a hole, but can’t flip all the way out of the way on the head’s way out.
And iowavette: you story reminds me of one of the most hysterically funny pee in your pants story Rachl Lukis told on this here blog in the old days. I wish her old stuff was up somewhere to find it. She’ll just have to retell it.
also too: the look on the cat’s face in the second picture totally says: “Yeah I’ll do it again, muthafucka. You gonna do something about it?”
May 20th, 2009 at 12:29 pmESTFYI, your images do not show up for me, more often than not. I don’t know if it’s a permissions problem with your webhost, a bandwidth issue, or something else, but the vast majority of them simply do not load.
May 20th, 2009 at 12:54 pmESTI have a Theory as to why some women don’t like cats. This is drawn from a TV show so it’s worth
what it’s worth. it’s from Tales from the Darkside.
Cats are the embodyment of the most officious, self absorbed narcisistic, controlling, jealous, boyfriend they ever had.
TV show a cat turned into man by day cat by night
May 20th, 2009 at 1:50 pmESTWas pure asshole in both forms as above. Q.E.D.
Look at the eyes in the first picture. That is not a cat, it’s the Antichrist in disguise.
It was stuck in that rim for a reason, people. Releasing it has doomed us all. The End Is Near.
And the cutie in the second picture? Clearly under his demonic spell. Expect her to give birth to the Son of Satan before the year has ended.
edit-
Futher evidence from the article:
Of course it was. Because it is evil.
May 20th, 2009 at 2:52 pmESTJust more proof that the claim that cats are more intelligent than dogs has once again been shown to be WRONG, WRONG, WRONG!
No dog would ever have gotten himself into that situation (or its equivalent) whatsoever {at least not willingly…)
May 20th, 2009 at 2:54 pmESTI second what JC said. Meeeeow! :oD
May 20th, 2009 at 3:08 pmESTClearly the fact that he was able to jam his head in there in the first place prove he does fit. It’s fitting back out that’s the tricky part. He’s gotta go against his fur and whiskers, and he’s gotta figure out how to angle his skull to keep it from getting caught on the way out.
May 20th, 2009 at 3:24 pmEST
May 20th, 2009 at 3:35 pmESTOne of my sisters had two cats.
She named them Tweedledumb and Tweedledumber.
May 20th, 2009 at 3:44 pmESTShortest window of opportunity ever.
May 20th, 2009 at 3:48 pmESTWhat a bunch of dumbasses. Why did they not just “grease the cat” and push his fat head back through the hole? Why ruin a perfectly good tyre?
Joe
May 20th, 2009 at 4:03 pmESTThe tire (I refuse to use the British spelling ’cause I’m Muri-ken through and through) is okay, but that wheel is gone for good. Cost of a new alyu-mini-yum (damn, this British thing is catching after all) wheel, probably about 30 pounds. Cost of a new cat down at the pound, free.
Hmm.
May 20th, 2009 at 4:35 pmESTNo kidding, Head shape or not, he got in one way, unless he swelled up, stupid animal is going out the reverse way. Ears, schemears, they are cartilage and will bend.
Especially once you douse the stupid animal in lubricant.
Might take a couple of days of forced diet. Pity.
May 20th, 2009 at 4:51 pmESTSince you are in England aren’t they “arsehole” cats now?
May 20th, 2009 at 5:20 pmESTJust to split hairs, but the tyre is probably perfectly fine. It’s the wheel that’s shot to hell.
May 20th, 2009 at 6:05 pmEST10 pound hammer, ten seconds to get the cat out, 10 minutes to clean up the mess.
May 20th, 2009 at 7:55 pmESTPerhaps if we got together and all asked Rachel, she could look for the giant prison camp where the British women with bad skin are confined. I only see photos of Brit women with lovely skin. There must be many with ugly skin so, why do we never see them?
Oh, my little German Shepherd would have that cat pull is asshole head out of that wheel in a split second, just by sniffing.
May 20th, 2009 at 8:15 pmESTTire, shmire.
Shouldn’t that be tyre, shmyre
May 20th, 2009 at 8:33 pmESTKids can get stuck too. My older siblings and I were able to climb over one of the gates at our house. (The gate was too heavy for us to open.) Little brother, still in diapers, always had to crawl under. One day, after growing over night, he was no longer able to fit and his head got stuck. With all the gentleness of older siblings we tried to push him and to pull him to no avail.
Finally we gave up and had to get Mom. “Mom, the baby’s head is stuck under the iron gate.” Needless to say, she was a little shocked and ran very quickly to see what tragedy had befallen her baby. He was OK, Mom was so shaken she forgot to punish us for general carelessness and disobedience. (We weren’t supposed to use that particular gate.)
May 20th, 2009 at 8:53 pmESTI have to admit that the temptation to mount up that cat tire and wheel, and go for at least a short, low speed spin around the block before releasing the asshole cat, would be almost irresistible.
Just think–spinner hubcats!
May 20th, 2009 at 9:13 pmESTWhen I saw the picture of that dumb cat with his head stuck through that tire/tyre, I immediately heard the voice of Nelson Muntz. “Hah-ha!”
May 20th, 2009 at 9:29 pmESTI liked “die to death”
May 20th, 2009 at 9:35 pmESTWhenever I see the word “tyre”, I think of Alexander the Great’s .
May 20th, 2009 at 9:47 pmESTThey’re whiskers, not curb feelers. Stupid cat. I don’t have whiskers sticking out past my ears, but I have a pretty good concept of the size of my head and what it won’t fit into.
May 21st, 2009 at 12:21 amESTThe wheel is worth much more than that POS cat. What a waste
May 21st, 2009 at 1:35 amESTThat cat. That girl. They have the same eyes. Run!
May 21st, 2009 at 7:06 amESTA tire is a rubber device that is put on a wheel and filled with air to support a vehicle (wheel barrow, unicycle, bicycle, car, truck, etc.). Tyre is an ancient Phoenecian port city in what is now Lebanon.
May 21st, 2009 at 7:54 amESTI suppose greasing the cat’s head and pushing it back through was too hard? They make heavy gloves for that kind og thing.
May 21st, 2009 at 8:12 amESTALL siamese cats are assholes
May 21st, 2009 at 9:28 amESTWhy not just grab the cat’s head and pull. Viola! Extruded cat.
May 21st, 2009 at 9:35 amESTI thought it made a nice collar! The only cat in da hood wid 22’s!!
May 21st, 2009 at 9:45 amESTActually, a tire is anything that goes around a wheel in order to protect it or provide traction. You know those covered wagons all the pioneers settled the west with? They had iron tires on the wheels, and yes… they called them tires even then.
May 21st, 2009 at 10:13 amESTLoco: yeah extruded all over the garage floor.
May 21st, 2009 at 10:48 amESTJC, correct. Trains used to have steel tires on cast-iron wheels, though nowadays they’re usually all steel. Unless you’re on the Paris Metro, which uses rubber tyres/tires.
May 21st, 2009 at 11:35 amESTI’ll look for it, Maya. Think I found a dog. You know, private foundations are trying to place hundreds of strays around here and yet I have to pass a two-page questionnaire, cough up $250 and allow them to inspect my house before I get the dog. There’s a Spitz mix at the pound that is quite handsome and robust in appearance but it’s a city bureaucracy so they apparently respond to emails only infrequently. Too bad. Suspect the Spitz would be a better all-round dog than the foo-foo dollop I’ve applied for.
May 21st, 2009 at 1:06 pmESTthey should have had Animal control sedate the cat, making it easier to get it out of the wheel.
been watching too much Animal Cops on Animal Planet channel.
May 21st, 2009 at 1:15 pmESTRegarding pushing/pulling the cat’s head out backwards: It’s not just that the ears will lay down one way and not the other, it’s that the skin will pull tight over the face, making it slide through more easily in the forward direction, while bunching up when trying to go in the other direction. This does not seem to occur to most people who try to extract heads/arms/legs from being stuck: You must pull the SKIN backwards first, then keep tension on it while moving the trapped body part, or it often won’t work without removing said skin in the process.
May 21st, 2009 at 3:03 pmESTMay 21st, 2009 at 4:56 pmEST
Why didn’t they just use the “cat removal tool” that’s provided with the car? (Some people call them tire irons.)
May 21st, 2009 at 7:01 pmESTYes, that cat is an asshole. But whoever is holding him is just as cute as a button.
May 21st, 2009 at 7:27 pmESTI wonder if humans had whiskers like cats, if they would never get their heads stuck in an asshole?
May 21st, 2009 at 9:08 pmESTMy first thought was a new twist on the “Whack a Mole” game you see at Chucky Cheese
Like
May 22nd, 2009 at 7:48 amESTI have a pretty good concept of the size of my head and what it won’t fit into.
Except the head did fit into the wheel. It was getting it out that was the problem.
May 22nd, 2009 at 8:41 amESTIf a dog had been in that situation, I’d be all “Oh, puppy wuppy, what have you done, you silly wickle thing?” (I really am male, although I’ve probably now lost any chance of macho street cred, if I had any in the first place!). I probably would have said something like that even to a rottweiler or a pit bull.
My reaction to that picture, though, was ‘MWAHAHAHAHA…*snort*…HAHA…try getting through the catflap now, you little fucker…*mppghh*!!!’.
I always thought that I quite liked cats, but now I see that I’m hopelessly biased. Serves him right, the little arsehole (as Rachel will tell you, that’s ‘asshole’ with an English accent).
May 22nd, 2009 at 8:02 pmEST